How much hands on involvement do you give LOs with your newborn?

[*EJ*]

A bit different for me as my children are younger. My oldest was 2 when DS2 was brong and 3 (1 month off being 4) when DD was born. My thoughts were that if i make the baby something that they can't touch, hold, look at or even help out with then it could magnify any jealousy issues. So i did my best within reason to allow what they wanted but always supervised. With your girls just make it quite clear that there is no holding without supervision right from day one. Have rules and allowances and no negociating what you are and aren't comfortable with. Also in my expereince (also again with younger ones) that if they ask for a hold i would lay the little one in their arms once there were sitting comfy (ensuring safety etc) and 2 seconds later they'd be ok you can take him/her now

I hope your dreams ease off soon for you. I'm sure your little one will be just fine

I think a good safety measure to stick with is you dont' have to be there right on top of them all the time but never take your eyes off them and what is happening. Eg in situations where they could pick bub up and possibly drop her. If it helps at all when i was 4ish and my brother probably 2ish i tried to get him out of his cot and dropped him And he's perfectly fine

Oh and DS2 loved to lie on DD and squash her, i had to always be watching him but again she has survived that fine.

All the best for learning to be a family of 5 xo

[wysiwyg]

Similar to EJ - DD 26 months when DS arrived - and I also wanted to help avoid jealousy issues. I do feel I put through DS alot of stuff that DD didn't have to put up with (e.g. her efforts at helping bathe him etc) but he just adores her - if she is in the room he doesn't look anywhere else so that does make me feel a bit better. She isn't allowed to pick him up and I am always supervising but I do let her have a fair bit of hands on contact with him, and always explain what she is and isn't allowed to do and why. I must use the phrase "He is not a toy" a fair bit because she has said that to me a couple of times. The main problem is she likes to be so close to him I have to pay close attention that she isn't squashing him - but in the main she is very good. I would think with 4-5 year olds there are a few things they can help with in terms of dressing maybe not putting things over the head but putting socks on bubs for example could be a help, or placing a hat on head (my DD is ok at doing this and is 2.5), wiping gently with a flannel etc. I think they will surprise you how good they can be with your little one.

[Artechim]

Peanutter just reminded me - I was 5 when my brother was born and I clearly remember changing nappies (cloth and pin type!), he was wriggly but not mobile so he must have been around 6 months and me 5.5 years. I also warmed bottles/fed him (with instruction) and carted him about the place. I would trust my DS to do these things when he is 5, he is nearly capable now.

[starangelk]

I was 6 when my little sister was born and I too helped with changing nappies, holding her, rocking her etc etc. That was a long time ago though.

My DD was only 15 months when DS was born and she was interested in holding him until it actually came time to do it. She found him really heavy and awkward and only tolerated a few minutes of a cuddle. We instead encouraged lots of pats on the belly and kisses on his scalp, tummy or feet. We also showed her how to hold his hand. That was enough for her.

With friends kids and families kids, I might be a bit relaxed after reading your post. If the child is over 5, I'm happy for them to have a cuddle without close supervision. I mean an adult would be in the same room but doesn't need to be sitting right there assisting. I let an 8 year old family member carry DS around at christmas time and I wasn't worried at all. In fact, I left her there with him while I went to get a bib. I never thought anything of it until her mother saw and commented that I was relaxed about it all.

I think it's an each to their own thing. You might feel differently once bub is here and see how everyone copes.

[LuluHB]

Thanks so much ladies. I really need to try and relax about it all I guess. I am worried that my concerns will result in the girls being jealous of their baby sister and that's the last thing I want (next to an injured baby of course). My girls are such gentle little souls so I know nothing they did would ever be through nastiness or even carelessness - just a lack of understanding of what a newborn needs. And you're right - I probably am really underestimating their abilities.

Starangelk - I wish I could be more like you, or at least somewhere between me and you! I know I am probably a bit over protective when they're tiny (definitely not now that they're bigger), but they are just so damn small and precious.