I feel like such a failure...

[Eenee]

Posted at same time Cassius, yeah I know being in this town I don't have a lot of options (this one travels from melb to here as it is)

[Mum2twoBoys]

she doesnt sound too helpful to me, i think i probably would have almost yelled at her if she had said that to me. how rude to depreciate you, and she doesnt know how it feels to not be coping well, obviously, or she wouldnt try to make you feel worse about yourself.

i second everyone elses opinion, you are not a failure, if you are then i am one majorly which definately isnt going to make me feel any better or get me to do a better job. I only have a 7 week old, but he likes to scream inconsolably, which is very upsetting. and some times i just want to yell at him to stop, because i find it so hard to listen too. i have tried to start him on a bit of a sleeping routine, by which i watch for sleepy cues, then put him in his bassinette. If he cries i settle him in bassinette, and if he doesnt settle down after 15mins take him out for cuddles and when he is calm and sleepy again try to settle him in bassinette. the biggest thing i found was that i was keeping him up too long leading him to be overtired, and then when he woke after 1hr id get him up thinking he was awake, but really all he wanted was to be resettled. but we coslept too at first as that was the only way to get him to sleep at night. but this said, this sleeping routine stuff doesnt work between 6-10pm, we have a whole different routine for then. we get him up and he has a feed, then sleeps in dhs arms, i have shower, then he has shower with dh, then feed and try to settle in bassinette. have also started trying colic relief.

i hope this is not going to go for 6 months, as i am already worn thin, and dont know how you have done it. i find that i get so frustrated with other peoples babies that sleep for long periods. i love my son to death but gosh he knows just what to do to exhaust me beyond belief.

[onthefly]

She is totally wrong in her 'parenting' advice.
Responding to your baby and meeting her needs is never the wrong thing to do.

[glenny_c]

No matter what her advice is (and I think she's way off the mark by the way) she has no right to be giving you ANY advice on how you should be living your life. That is NOT her job!!

One thing I did want to say to you Em, though. You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes. I am notoriously bad at this and was wearing myself so thin trying to look after DD and DH- I forgot to look after myself. Please try and get some time for yourself. DH can have bub- she might cry but she'll be with her dad and she'll be OK. Healthy happy mum= happy baby! I know DH doesn't settle her as well as you do (of course not- you're the mum) but he needs to practice and learn about her, just like you did in the beginning. I know how hard it is, it only got better here after I broke down one night and cried and spilled it all to DH, I don't think he understood how hard it had been on me and how hard I was working. He makes a lot more effort now and DD is actually responding better to him.

[HotI]

Posted at same time Cassius, yeah I know being in this town I don't have a lot of options (this one travels from melb to here as it is)

Sometimes having no counsellor is better than seeing a bad one. Talk to your GP and see if there are other options available close to home.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Just want to butt in here.

Counsellors and psychologists may well offer advice. But if you do not wish to take it, they should respect that. The option is there for you.

As for baby and no sleep, I will give you my T-shirt. Don't think Liebs slept for the first 20 months, not properly. I tried everything. Co-sleeping, seperate sleeping, day naps, no naps, extra naps, alcohol (for me, but BFing so for Liebs too), "sleepy baby" formula, not feeding at night, every sleeping position possible, extra blankets, no blankets, homeopathy... plus the same routine for things as well! Liebs was sicky, but not so much it was reflux. Absolute nightmare, I really sympathise. Makes it worse when the world and his wife advocate CIO as a therapy for you - if I left Liebs for 5 minutes for the loo he was hysterical, it wasn't worth leaving him for longer.

I was hospitalised when he was 1yr old (though not due to his not sleeping - didn't help the migraines but they were there before, they just got bad enough to be investigated at last) and wasn't allowed to have him overnight. DH had BiL and SiL take Liebs for the night: SiL did CIO with Liebs. He screamed for three hours before going to sleep. I couldn't do that to him. (Couldn't do that to a nephew either, but that would be my choice that I won't force onto others.)

Turns out he was lactose intolerant and milk was hurting his tum. I knew he was hypersensitive to caffeine already so had cut out all coffee, tea, chocolate and oranges, but didn't know about the cowmilk thing. Switched him to goat milk and we now get 1-2 brief wakeups at night 3-4 nights a week. That was from him sleeping 2-3 hours then screaming unless I paced the floor with him/patted him constantly for 3-4 hours. He even puts himself to sleep on his own most nights now. So just to say, something like cow milk can have that much of an effect. Other big trigger foods are tomatoes and strawberries. Worth trying a few alternatives while you're feeding and see if they work.

(Next baby, I'm switching straight to goat from the positive pregnancy test! You're living through hell at the moment and I don't want to go through that again, don't blame you for wanting out either.)

[Eenee]

HotI: yeah I'm thinking no psychologist at the moment. I'm sick of repeating myself and telling my story all over again.

Glenny: yeah I must admit I do have trouble leaving DD even with DH.

Madb: yes don't worry lucky I'm not stupid.

Misty: yeah did have suspicions about reflux but don't think it's full on but maybe she has it somewhat.

Bskilner: yeah it is tough but you find a way to cope. Getting support and advice is helpful though.

Flying butter: yeah I've had to go off dairy all together but other then that I don't know what else to do I also don't have any caffeine.

Am thinking I might get her seen by a chiropractor, can't hurt right?

Oh and don't get me wrong I love DD so much and it's worth every hard time but sometimes I just feel a bit helpless. Thanks for all your support truly means a lot!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I had baby chiro done to DS, so it is a possibility.

The most common intolerances in babies are dairy, eggs, nuts, shellfish and red fruits - you could end up on a bland diet if you wanted to go down that route.

[gypsy79]

Just wanted to pop in with my 2 cents worth. I haven't been in quite the same situation as you (from the sounds of it you are doing an amazing job though!), but I've had a few sleep issues with both DS and DD. I have a few suggestions - I think they have all been mentioned by previous posters, but thought I would reiterate.

- Try a sleep school. I had DS booked in but ended up cancelling as I got some tips from my cousin who had been to the same school. One thing (which came from sleep school) that worked for me is using the angel wrap. They also taught controlled comforting (comforting them in the cot, hands on, but not picking up - I admit it's hard and I would often pick bubs up still). Anyway, I still use the angel wrap on DD both day and night (she's 6 months too), as she tends to wake if her hands are loose. Google if you're interested but aren't sure what angel wrap is.
- Try a chiropractor. I took DD to one (for different issues) and have been very happy. And I know a lot of people who swear they had a different baby after seeing a chiro. I believe they can help with reflux if that turns out to be the problem.
- Is your DD staying awake too long during the day? We went through a stage where DD wouldn't sleep longer than 40 mins or so at a time. I finally worked out she needed to go to bed after about 1hr 45 mins, not the 2 hours I had been keeping her up for. If I put her down that bit earlier, she doesn't usually cry, and she will sleep for longer.
- And if all that fails - get out of the house! I went through a stage with DS where I would just walk around the shops all day (well, half the day anyway). He wouldn't sleep much, but was reasonably happy in his pram and I wasn't stressing out about how much or how little her had slept.

Good luck, I hope you find something that helps!

[YoYo]

Gypsy makes a good point..... Get out of the house! Max wasn't a good sleeper, but with him I could invest the time trying to get him to do it. I used to rock for ages on the rocking chair with him, bit that didn't allow for much else to be done. With him, once I stopped worrying about it so much, it all got better. I also used to walk around the shops with him. I'd meet a friend and we would do laps!

With dd.... Much harder!! She sounds like your dd.... Active, advanced and doesn't want to miss out on a thing! I also don't have the time to invest getting her to sleep like I did with max. Most of the time, he would wake her anyway!

I dont have a worry with intolerance or allergy or anything with my dd, but you have... So it's like another thing, on top of no sleep you're dealing with.

Go easy on yourself honey, you're definitely no failure. Oh and remember, the more practice your dh gets dealing with her, the more confident he will get, the more your dd will get uses to him and the less you'll have to feel like 'saving' him from her..... Then at those times perhaps you can get some sleep or just a bit of Em time


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - I wonder what the kids are up to....Better go!

[Lisa B]

Just wanted to send you a I reiterate what everyone else has said, you are not a failure and I really don't think your counsellor was helpful at all with her advice. I'm not surprised you are doing it tough as everything is so overwhelming if you haven't had enough sleep.

My son is a terrible sleeper during the day and gets incredibly unsettled towards the end of the afternoon. Almost daily I take him for a walk around the shopping centre and he drifts off in his pram, so much easier than getting him to sleep at home. It actually turns into some really pleasant time for me as I have a cuppa whilst he snoozes. Not sure if you've tried some pram walks.

[FabFiona]

With my first I remember walking every afternoon for months. Geez he was a crap sleeper. However it gave me some structure to my day and got me out of the house.

I've been thinking of you. Hope you had a good night.

[KitFaerie]

Wow, a psych shouldn't give advice, sooooo not cool. In what research has it ever found that picking a baby up is bad for them? I hope you've gotten some ideas from here, or at least feel more supported! Your doing an incredible job, hugs hun xo

[Jennifer13]

Em, I'd have the allergies/intolerances investigated further with her. There may be something underlying that is making her unsettled and it sounds like you've already identified one issue. If you are able to avoid those things in your diet and then in hers as she starts on family foods, it may help her at least settle a bit better. There are some specialist paeds/allergy specialists who can advise you on testing.

Sounds to me that you've done an amazing job of managing a beautiful girl who's a little high maintenance!

[Eenee]

Thanks everyone.

Gypsy & Yules: yeah we have gotten out of the house but don't do it all the time cos it exhausts me. One day I went for a 2hr+ walk and DD only slept 20mins of that lol. But yeah I generally use it as a last resort just to get us out of the house hard when the weather is wet though.

I have booked DD into a chiro for next Tues so hopefully that goes ok.

Jennifer: I'd been to a naturopath to find out about the dairy but I really don't know who else to see regarding intolerances. I'm rather ant medications (I'm a nurse so am aware they are required sometimes) and prefer natural alternatives. So worried if I see a Dr thy'd push me into medicating her which I doubt she needs.

[~Minny~]

Oh em i know exactly how you feel, DD was just like that and she was formula fed so it makes no difference. You probably dont want to here this but she eventually came good once she was in her own big bed at about 14months old. It was the hardest 14month ever. DS is good during the day generally but omg night times are still a mess :S and hes 18months old lol. I ended up with PND with DD but because i ended up stopping breastfeeding i only took st johns wart. The one thing that helped was leaving her with my mum for a fews hours a day so i could sleep, usually it was only maybe once a fortnight but it helped so much. IF you need help with something like this im more than happy to take her for a walk with my 2 munchkins or something like that, im sure the kids would keep her entertained long enough for you to be able to have a rest. Anyways the offer is there

It doesnt help much, and im still telling myself the same thing but........... It does get better

[Eenee]

Thanks Hun xx and thanks for the offer.

[Jennifer13]

Jennifer: I'd been to a naturopath to find out about the dairy but I really don't know who else to see regarding intolerances. I'm rather ant medications (I'm a nurse so am aware they are required sometimes) and prefer natural alternatives. So worried if I see a Dr thy'd push me into medicating her which I doubt she needs.

The paed/allergists that my best gf saw only did skin pr ick and blood tests to determine allergies for her baby boy that was suffering from severe eczema. Once the allergies were determined, all that was required was for her to eliminate those things from his diet and then go back for follow up tests every year or so to check if he was still allergic. He grew out of his egg allergy by four years of age. Some of his other allergies are still around. The only medication she needed was an epi-pen (never used btw) in case of an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts, which he also was shown to be allergic too.

I agree with you on not medicating unnecessarily.