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Thread: I need to stop feeling guilty!

  1. #1

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    Default I need to stop feeling guilty!

    I fight this stupid internal battle with myself every single day..I know I need to stop worrying about it but I just can't seem to get it out of my head.
    DD is usually quite happy playing on the floor by herself, so if she's fine I let her be and either sit and watch her or do my own thing (in the same room as her). I'll chat to her occasionally and go over to her to help her with whatever she's doing- at the moment her fav thing is taking things out of boxes/containers and putting them back (or piling them all on me..lol).



    The thing is I feel so bad every day about letting her play alone, I guess I feel like I'm not playing with her enough and should be doing more. I don't really know what I can do though, feels like Groundhog Day every day. We do other things together and are together all day so it's not like I leave her alone at all. I keep thinking it will be easier when she is older and we can do craft stuff, dance around etc, but that still doesn't stop me from obsessing about not spending enough time with her during the day

    How much do you play with your kids? (vs just being in the same place as them and they're doing their own thing). I guess I have nothing to compare it to either and I sometimes think it would be easier if I could spend a day with someone else and see what/how they do it...wish I could just be confident that what I'm doing is fine and not affecting her.

  2. #2

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    What you are doing is fine! She is learning independant play where she uses her imagination and explores her surroundings finding things out for herself. She is using her natural curiosity and discovering what happens when she does things. It is important to let children play by themselves to develop that curiosity and exploration as well as their own concentration and attention span. She is also learning about herself by doing this. Think of it as helping her to discover who she is

  3. #3

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    Dont beat yourself up about this...your DD is obviously happy and content My DD is happy to play by herself and I could sit and watch her going ons for hours if i didnt have other stuff to do.
    I sit down with DD and have tea parties or we read or we just be silly together but I dont spend all day doing it and she is happy thats the main thing

  4. #4

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    I used to have veyr similar thoughts when DS was younger.
    You know she'll come to you when she needs you - as long as you there for her I honestly think it's fine. It sounds like she's very happy doing what she's doing (ah, I remember when DS liked putting things away, no more!)

    I rarely play much with DS, nor do we do 'activities' or anything like that. I sit with him and talk to him, read him a story, or respond to him when he wants to, but that's it. He is very happy to spend most of his time in his own little fantasy world. He's at the point now where he will tell me very specifically what he wants from me - "mum, come here" "mum, read me this story" "mum, go away. don't want mummy, just want to play with my toys" and so on....

    Just try to go to the toilet or somethign, then she'll need you desperately

  5. #5

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    Well said Nai!!

    ss_storm, I think giving her the opportunity to play by herself is really important to help her develop as a well rounded individual! Stop feeling guilty!

  6. #6

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    I feel this way too sometimes. I totally agree with Nai. It's not like you just put her down and leave her all day to sort herself out- you do play and talk with her, you spend time with her going for walks etc.

    Hayley is a happy, healthy, THRIVING little girl. You are doing an excellent job. Please dont doubt yourself (easier said than done I know).

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nai View Post
    What you are doing is fine! She is learning independant play where she uses her imagination and explores her surroundings finding things out for herself. She is using her natural curiosity and discovering what happens when she does things. It is important to let children play by themselves to develop that curiosity and exploration as well as their own concentration and attention span. She is also learning about herself by doing this. Think of it as helping her to discover who she is
    :yeahthat: Hun you are doing an awesome job

  8. #8

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    I have three of them and there are times throughout the day, everyday, where they will all be in the same room as me, but all playing their own little games quietly by themselves. I think it is a good thing, it shows that they can be independant and amuse themselves, it shows they use their imaginations.

    Don't feel guilty if they are happy by themselves - children need individual time just as much as adults do.

  9. #9

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    you're doing just great!

    I used to worry if I was spending enough time playing with DD throughout the day, and I also used to worry if I was in her face too much and not letting her explore on her own enough!!!! we are so hard on ourselves as Mothers.... we do such a wonderful job too!!!!

    Watch your little girl's signs, if she's happy and content playing with something, and you're nearby and she can see you are close to her, then let her play with whatever she is doing and just make sure you're attentive to her if and when she needs you to talk to her or something. That's what I do with DD. Other times, she will come and get me and wants me to join in with her so then i'll sit down with her and give her the time she needs from me, reading, building blocks whatever it may be.
    She helps me alot with folding the washing, putting things away, now that shes 17mo she wants to help mummy with everything and i let her... sure it takes longer but it's fun and she's learning along the way!!

    Remember play on their own is really important for their development.... allows them time to be creative and explore their world around them. And they know Mum is just sitting over there for when they need her

    We go to swim classes, music classes, playgroup and all those things count as spending quality time together too remember!!

    go easy on yourself hun.

  10. #10

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    The fact that you're even aware, means that you're doing a good job.

    For a long time I felt that guilt. You read a lot about other people 'doing' stuff with their kids, and I always felt that we never had organised activities or crafts or formal learning oppotunities. But my kids are happy to hang out together and do their own thing. Finally i can rejoice that. Sure I suggest stuff to do but mainly we just exist together. They do their work (play) and I do mine.

    mate. I know exactly what you mean.

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