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Thread: I think we have child/parent attachment issues

  1. #1

    Default I think we have child/parent attachment issues

    Lately I have started to resent Fred She is always soooo clingy and screams when I don't pick her up, or put her down or put her in her high chair or don't play with her, or give her to someone else, the list goes on. It is also at the point where I sleep most nights on the floor next to her cot with an arm in there or with her sleeping on my chest in the comfy chair. I haven't had a decent nights sleep for months.

    This started when I had to go back to work when Fred was 7 months old. It went from me and Fred 24/7 to me working 8-4 5 days a week. At first she woke more frequently at night, I thought it was just for feeds but I found that she was waking all the time and would only sleep with me, or DH if I made him go in there.

    I gave up trying to cope and having exhausted all my stratergies for trying to get her to sleep I saw the CYH nurse today with Fred. I explained all the things that are happening about sleep and as a side mentioned she is really clingy and I am a bit worried about the whole separation anxiety thing. She watched the behaviour of Fred, Lumpy and myself and said that it might be related to attachment issues with both Fred and Lumpy. Now this isn't a suprise with Lumpy - I had bad PND with her so I knew that it affected our relationship and I have been trying to work on it ever since. But I didn't have PND with Fred, we've been BFing all this time and we had a much easier birth but still there seems to be a problem with her accepting that I have to put her down for 1 minute



    So we are being referred to a clinic in Adelaide that deals with attachment issues and the nurse has given me a heap of information of attachment, separation anxiety and sleep and I read them all tonight. It does seem like there is a bit of an issue occurring. Has anyone had these issues before and what have you done to help your babies/toddlers cope with attachment and separation anxiety?

    Any help would be appreciated

  2. #2

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    I just wanted to offer some hugs , I'm sure there are lots of ladies on here who can give you some good advice.

    Sounds like your girlies just love their mummy!!

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Well, I don't know, but DS was a lot like that too. I was working full time till 11 months, so he had to spend a lot of time with the nanny and wasn't always very happy about that. He'd scream and demand his mummy a whole lot when I wasn't available up till 18-odd months I guess (I can't remember exactly). Not if I wasn't there, but if I was around but not totally available to him.
    Things were a lot better once I wasn't working full time. Now when I'm working he's generally quite happy to play with the nanny and loves his 2 days at daycare. He just grew out of it.
    I can't really tell you if our situation is the same as yours. Maybe because I was working we did have 'attachment' problems - maybe it wouldnt' be surprising. I know DS was heaps happier once I stopped working. And even now he loves it when we have mum & DS days. But then isn't separation anxiety normal...? It tends to come and go and settle around 18-months-ish, I think (though I'm sure it varies a great deal).
    For us the only answer was to give him as much as I could. DH did a lot when he could, but we've also had lengthy periods when only mum would do and DS would scream the house down if DH went near him. So I'd take time out from work for cuddles when I could. We spent pretty much all our time together when I wasn't working (and espeically when he was not keen on daddy). I slept with him. I don't really know what else I could have done


    On the sleep thing, have you tried actually sleeping together? Might be a way to get some more sleep (sorry, not on topic exactly I know)

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2006
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    I find DS has been the same lately, minus the extra night waking and having to sleep next to his cot at night. Just whingy at times, but unless he is distracted he will tend to follow me or DH around yelling for attention or grizzling.

    I'm telling myself its just teething, as we've set it up now so either DH or I are home with the kids while the other is at work. But otherwise he seems to be acting a bit like Fred. Hmm, I don't know what to think? Teething or attachment.

    FWIW Ryatha I really hope you get a good nights sleep soon

  5. #5

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    I have had the same thing. It is getting better now but it takes DD a while to warm up to people (even family). She is normally attached to my leg or pulling up at me.

    It started to get better when I decided that I couldnt go on like this. It wasnt healthy for either of us. I started to talk to her. I would leave her int he bedroom with DP and say "Stay here with Daddy, I'm just going to get you a bottle" and I woul say it to her the whole time I was gone. I did this for lots of things. "sit down and play" Mummy is just going to get the clothes. I'll be right back". This helped a lot. i can now do things around the house and she will do her thing and then come and find me after a hile, then go back to doing her thing, etc.
    There is hope though

  6. #6

    Default I think we have child/parent attachment issues

    Thanks everyone. I'm not happy that you girls are experiencing the same thing but relieved that it isn't unusual. The talking sounds like a great idea nd i am thinking of droppin as many hours as i can to give her more me time.


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