I feel your pain. It was about 14 months ago that I was in the same boat, I felt like I was doing something wrong. I just couldn't get DS to settle in a pram or bassinett during the day, he slept pretty well at night once he was down, but had the evening unsettled period.
I resorted to wearing my DS in a sling during the day, he would spend most of the day sleeping, I just got on with what I had to do, with him strapped to me as best I could.
I found covering the sling in a light wrap when I wanted him to settle also helped. On top of that DS was gennerally only happy and settled when there was constant movement. None of this helped when the evening came around. I was always relived when DS finally settled. I would even eat dinner with DS in the sling while jiggling from one foot to another. DH would take his turn when able to, though DS would still settle better for me. I was so tired by the end of each day. This continued for a few months untill DH found that DS had started being more content lying and even sleeping for short periods in the pram, and without the constant movement! This was at about 4 months of age. I still found it almost impossible to get DS to sleep in his cot till he was 6 months. I just kept trying, then resorting to what I found worked, which was in his sling or walking with the pram. It was only after 6 months that I started having success getting DS to sleep in his cot during the day, now he goes to sleep like and angel in the morning, he still fights the afternoon sleep but will nap in the car or pram. Otherwise it usually takes 2 goes and alot of patting a shhhing. He still goes to sleep well at night, usually waking about once a night then waking for the day anywhere between 5am and 6.30am. The 5am day startes are an effort, but we get through them 1 day at a time. He also still has the odd night where wakes and refuses to go back to sleep, and we spend the next hour in tears.
I guess what I'm trying to say, I had so many doubts, is he too hot, cold, wet, hungry etc... trying to eliminate each one and still nothing seemed to work. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Just keep on trying, what worked yesterday may not work today. It drove me batty. But eventally you will develop your own communication and things will start to become easier. Motherhood is a damn hard job, nothing can really prepare you for it. But you are doing a good job, as long as you keep trying. Do what works and you will succeed.
You are not useless. You're just finding your way and learning about your DD. Some babies can self settle, others need a little bit more encouragement .
Your DD is so lucky to have a caring mummy who comforts her when she cries! You are doing and trying all the right things, its just finding the combination that works with your DD is the trick. Hang in there - it will get easier hun.
The only advice you may want to try is if DD seems to settle a bit better in an upright position try rolling a towel and putting it under the bassinette mattress at the head end - that worked well with DD.
Thank you so much for all your support and advice. I think I really let the sleep deprivation get on top of me yesterday - everything just seemed so terrible! I'm better today although still a little down but DD has been better, still not great though.
I ended up going to my parents for the day as DH was at a work golf day until late so it was good to get out of the house and be with someone to share the load. Mum and dad were great but DD was still very unsettled all day - completely overstimulated and overtired so the day just got worse and worse. There was a light at the end of the tunnel though - DD fed between 5 and 6pm then she went to sleep for EIGHT HOURS! She definitely made up for the lack of day sleeps! DH fed her at 2am for me and then I got up to her at 5am so I managd to catch up on a bit of sleep and I'm about to head to bed (at 8pm on a Saturday night - OMG!) to catch up a bit more.
I'd love to write persies but I really must get to bed while our little angel is finally sleeping but here is a quick list of the things we've tried with DD already:
- bassinet mattress is raised already as we suspected a few weeks ago she may have had silent reflux.
- DD sleeps fine in bassinet at night, just doesn't want to be there during the day - the little bugger!
- DD self settles at night - generally goes down without a peep from her and is asleep within 15 mins.
- the Bubba Moe sling is looking like it will be my saviour. She slept for an hour in it again today.
- I've tried feeding her in bed with me (both sitting up and laying down) and she will nod off but will wake within a few minutes and cry
- DD is very windy (farts a lot!) so I'm using both Infacol and Brauers Colic Relief.
- DD has a dummy and really likes it but not all the time. She goes to sleep at night without it and during her unsettled periods during the day, she generally sucks it vigorously while grunting a lot then spits it out - like she's trying to really let me know how upset she is! LOL!
- I've tried both noisey and quiet rooms, light and dark. It doesn't seem to make much difference.
- She sleeps well if she is nursed, in the sling and in the car. She just won't go down in her bassinet during the day or the pram.
Hopefully it's just a phase that will end as quickly as it started! You've all given me hope that, as all us mummies say, 'this too shall pass'. You've also made me realise that it's not my fault. I was feeling so down yesterday and although I'm still very tired and a little sad today, I do feel a lot better knowing what I'm going through is normal and I'm not alone.
Well if you think you are a useless mother, then we are all too I would say!! Because everything you describe happens to every mother at some stage..if not every day! You are most definitely not useless..You are a new mum trying to figure out the best way to deal with juggling the feeding, comforting and sleeping of your little one- and it's tough!
So you know it does get better- that's a great start! Along with this, don't worry about what other babies do or dont do at the shops because in reality we all going through the same things a some point. I would also say just try and be flexible and open minded with your baby's feeding and sleeping. Honestly, this will do wonders (Except probably the opposite to what Ngala will tell you!!!!)
I'm sorry you are feeling so low. The first 6 weeks with a new baby are *never* as we imagined them to be - they are hell. The learning curve is so steep. The interesting thing is from where we are all sitting you seem like a great mum. it sounds like you have had significant challenges with breastfeeding and have worked really hard to sort them out - you are nearly there. Your baby is sleeping well at night - that's great, but he's got to squeeze more feeds in during the day - they need at least 8 in a 24hr period (12 is pretty normal too!) so the payoff for good sleep at night is often frequent feeding during the day. There are a whole lot of myths around babies and sleep. Often babies do sleep in the pram when they are out - they love the movement. But I guarantee that all those babies will wake up as soon as mum pushes the pram over the threshold of her house. And few of them will sleep 8 hours at night - most will be waking 2 or 3 or more times until they are 6 mnths or older. As others have said, your sling will be your best friend - babies are designed to be close to mum. No baby is going to love being put down alone to sleep. (I don't even like sleeping alone) But they will settle close to you in the sling, and you can get a bit done around the house if you want to.
Join your local Australian Breastfeeding Association. They are great. You get to go along to their meet-ups and discussions, and you learn that no-one is really getting much sleep, and by and large all babies are pretty much the same. And you are doing a great job!
Thanks for all your support and words of wisdom. It really helped pull me out of my rut.
We are pretty sure Izzy has silent reflux and she started on Zoton yesterday and I *think* it is helping already. She slept for just over 9 hours straight last night (OMG!) and although she has been unsettled today, her cries have been different - not painful screams, more just the standard tired cries. It didn't help that we were out and about today so she didn't get much of a chance for a proper nap. Hopefully she'll catch up tonight - and me too for that matter!
We are doing a day-stay at Ngala, our parenting support centre, on Monday to get some tips on settling. I hope it helps us!
Well I'm off to eat then go to bed. I'm shattered again but at least I'm not down about it today
I feel your pain. It was about 14 months ago that I was in the same boat, I felt like I was doing something wrong. I just couldn't get DS to settle in a pram or bassinett during the day, he slept pretty well at night once he was down, but had the evening unsettled period.
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