I wish I had some ideas- my DS is 20 months, so a bit younger than yours, but he is not very good at independent play. I find that hard enough now, with just him- I can't imagine how you do it with a bubs as well.
I don't entirely know how to encourage independent play. A little while ago I found it particularly frustrating that I was unable to get a thing done as DS needed me to play with him all the time, so I did a bit of research and asked some questions on here. The answers I found were a bit frustrating- in general terms, it seems like some kids play well on their own, and others don't. And others start off not playing well on their own and then seem to learn that skill as a part of their development, but not by anything their parents did- it just happened. It seems to be largely a factor of personality.
I do try to do what I can, as its a skill that I do want DS to develop in whatever measure his personality allows, simply for his own development. When he is playing on his own, I let him go for it and encourage him when he comes back to me. My DS is also quite task oriented, so I can ask him to do or get things for me and he will go off and do it then come back to me- this is very small things at the moment due to his age, but I hope to extend this out as he gets older and praise him when he come back to me to 'show off'. I kind of hope this might empower him to do things on his own and give him a sense of accomplishment or achievement. Its a theory anyhow! Does anything like this work on your little man?
Best of luck...watching this thread with interest.
Skeeta - What is working for me is to be really observant of DD's tired signs and then getting her down either by feeding or rocking. I find rocking her she gets very worked up and she cries and after a while I can then pat her asleep. With resettling I can just tell that she wants more sleep as she is whingy and I can just rock/pat her back for another cycle.
Just thought I'd update... Have been doing a lot of the things suggested, and they seem to be working.
I have implemented white noise and keeping the baby up longer between naps (even if she's tired), and have been getting a few longer naps out of her as a result. She still is woken easily and is fussy and difficult when that happens but it's less often now that we're using white noise. So a win there. Thanks for that idea alioops.
I have also stopped walking her to sleep, which means I'm no longer spending hours a day pacing the hallway. I'll feed her to sleep or put her in her rocker and bounce her to sleep, but that's it. I have found that if she's not tired enough for either of those to work, she's not likey to sleep very long anyway. She's adjusted quite well and it has made her million naps a day a lot easier to cope with. Toddler copes better too because I'm not always off in another room trying to get the baby asleep.
I've also been getting out of the house more, which is great for us all. Baby sleeps in the pram, I get some fresh air, toddler gets out, plays with other kids, runs around, and (usually) gives me some window of peace and quiet in the afternoon.
I have been really strict with the phone/tv/dvds and computer, which provides toddler with much more opportunity to engage in imaginative play. He whinged and protested at first (still does sometimes), but after 5 mins of nothing to do, he'll go to his toy box and create his own entertainment. I have been playing with him more too, and praising him when he does play independently. Also just talking to him about how it's good to play on your own sometimes because you can play whatever you feel like, make up your own games, imagine whatever you want to, don't have to share, etc.
ETA: the other thing I've done is modelled imaginative play for him by acting out a scenario, giving him a role, and letting him see how fun it can be! After I did this a few times he started doing it a lot too.
Interestingly, he's started recognising his own signs of tiredness now that he's having less passive entertainment from electronic things (not that he'll nap for me though!!). I've also noticed that it's when he's tired that he reaches for the passive entertainment. So I'm working with that and plan a DVD or iPhone game time when he needs to have some quiet time or after we've been out for the day. He's quickly gotten used to the tighter limits and is coping fine. A few times I've even found myself thinking "where's he gone?" and go find him out in the backyard running around, or down in his room turning his bed into a "bus", or hosting a party with his teddies.
He still loves company and for us to join in his play (which of course we do), but no longer expects constant entertainment.
So! If you made it through that, well done. Thanks for your suggestions and ideas. I hope you all find similar success.
Last edited by skeetaboat; March 12th, 2010 at 09:51 PM.
what used to be my saving grace (I had a NB and a 14 month old) was playgroups. Even now, Ashton is 18 months and when bubs arrives he will be 21 months. I do so many activities, even those days where you can't be bothered, go! Gets them out of the house and out of your hair, and there will be other mums to talk to.
Monday I have playgroup
Tuesday I have chat and munch which is like playgroup where we cook something healthy for lunch
Wednesday I have kindagym, then 'Reading Together' at the library, then we go to the park for lunch, then another playgroup at a school up the road.
Thursday I have rhythm and rhyme
Friday at present we do nothing, though the boys school is about to start a playgroup which we will go to.
Most of these activities only run for 2 hours each. Trust me though, those 2 hours out of the house make a big difference. You will also probably find he will learn to play on his own quickly.
Ashton has only just started playing on his own. Before he would need me or the boys to play with him, but the last couple of months he barely needs my attention and will happily lay on the floor playing with his cars or farm sets or whatever.
I believe our activities have a lot to do with that.
Also wanted to add a few things that we have at home that keep my toddler very entertained while i'm dealing with the baby- a sandpit full of sand toys, a trampoline and a bike in a safe bike riding area. we also have one of those tennis balls tied to a pole kinda things iykwim? that he loves playing with by himself.
My DD is 2.5 and is pretty good with independent play if I get her started with something. I have a 10 week old DS now so am realy encouraging as much of it as possible right now...! Our most popular "toys" at the moment are plasticine, and making pasta necklaces! She also loves play dough. She doesn't really do independent play with toys as such, but occasionally puts all her dolls to bed. Plasticine is great! Much easier to clean up that playdough so good for a quick 'feed time' activity. Our DD loves to make sausages and balls and things out of it. If I start her off and make a face, then she will make a face too... or I ask her to make me a flower, or whatever. I often sit there feeding DS with a ball of plasticine in my hands "warming it up" for her.. its quite therapeutic! Even if I get 10 minutes of happy silence out of her, that's great. The plasticine then gets put away on the top shelf til next time. Pasta necklaces are similar - I just tie some wool to a toothpick and give her a bowl of penne pasta to thread - she loves that, and its easy for me to help her with while BF. Yesterday she made a necklace for Daddy to wear to work!! lol.
Good luck with it, sounds like you are getting some improvement, so hope it continues!
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