Hi Rainbowbright,

I hope you don't mind but I came upon your post while looking for help with my two daughters 17 months apart (now 6 and 7yrs) for a different problem. I had a situation very much like yours. Fortunately I found a great resolution when they were the age yours are now.

My eldest was two and behaving very violently toward the youngest constantly pushing her and biting her, I gave her a baby doll and said 'show me how you feel about your sister' - she proceeded to throw and hit the doll for about half an hour in a really violent display as I looked on and said things like "wow you really hate your little sister right now" or "I can see how angry and hurt you are". It was pretty hard to watch but it worked like a charm, not 5mins after this event my eldest was cuddling and kissing her sister with genuine affection. I still use this technique today except we use drawings or ripping paper or throwing cushions, and it still works well. The trick is in really just being there while they show you their feelings.

I got this technique from a book called: Siblings Without Rivalry by Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber.

I hope this helps - my kids have grown into beautiful sensitive and loving sisters, they still have their moments of rivalry and aggression but overall they are able to solve their issues pretty consistently. So we are living proof that it's possible to come out the other side relatively intact! Cheers and hang in there!