At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you. Just like, at their wedding, they need to do what is best for them. I can totally understand them wanting their wedding to be child free if they know a lot of people with children. I went to a wedding last year that was child free, and while the couple love and ADORE children, there would have been so many of so many ages (the groom has a huge family not to mention all the friends with kids) and it would have been very disruptive to their big day. The only exception was one of the bridesmaids who had a 4 week old baby, but the baby was kept inside the house (my friend had the wedding at her parents property) and she kept going inside to feed and check the baby was ok (bridesmaids mother was there looking after the baby inside the whole time).
Not saying you are doing right or wrong by going/not going, because the right decision is whatever you and your husband are most comfortable with. But just as you were hoping they would see it from your perspective, you need to see it from theirs. This is their big day. They only get this one day and want it to go a particular way. They can't make everyone happy so they need to do what is best for them and this is something they have decided to do.
For some reason I was actually offended by your cousins response. Maybe its because you mentioned he is like a brother to you, and perhaps he doesnt understand the nature of his request.
If you wanted to go I would either only go for the ceremony, if you wanted to go to the reception get a motel and get someone to look after your ds there, that way you can pop back and feed him to sleep and what not.
Having said that though I know in that position I just wouldnt go. I know that if I had to go back to the motel and feed I more than likely wouldnt want to return to the reception. I know I couldnt leave my girls. DD1 is five this year and we havent left her for more than an hour or two at most! Mainly because I have no one I can trust to look after them.
Pretty sucky situation to be in anyhow. It sounds like your decision may be made for you.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions/opinions. I mentioned to hubby that we could get a place to stay, but he said he'd prefer to use that money toward our Christmas holiday, which makes sense to me. I think we'll definitely be able to sort something out to make it for the ceremony.
We have left ds with MIL a couple of times, but that was after he had been put to sleep and only for a couple of hours. And we were only 10 minutes away. Much different to this situation.
But of course your cousin has no idea of what they are asking you to do - they don't have kids!! It's unreasonable to expect them to get it - some things just don't make sense until you have kids yourself, this is normal and part of the change that happens to us all as first time parents. I think his response was perfectly fine.
I think if we all remember back to our Weddings we put a lot of planning into the day and lets be honest I don't think I have ever met one bride/groom who has had successfully met every guests needs, compromises need to me made and someone is always going to be inconvenienced.
We didn't wan't kids at our Wedding, our venue was small and we squeezed in as many guests as we could but invited our nieces (7 and 9) and cousins child (2) only because the rest of their/our family were there (who would have been the likely babysitters). It worked out fine. However NOW as a mother I would be much more accomodating to others with children as now I DO know the needs of a Mother and Baby. I honestly did not before.
We left my DS with Nan for the night for a Wedding when he was 4 months. He was BF so I expressed a lot before and between ceremony and reception for relief and rang/sms's my Mum at regular intervals. Leading up to the night I regularly had her settle him for bed etc (while I was there) so both her, I and he were all comfortable. While it wasn't ideal and I missed him like crazy on the night, it worked well. However with my Mum I can be completely honest with her and know she will follow my instructions to a tee, not sure if you have that relationship with your MIL.
If you are not going, then you have made the totally right decision not to go, the right age to leave a bub is when that Mum and Baby are ready. While your cousin may not fully understand that now, they will once they have their own. Be comfortable in your decision as its yours to make, but don't let it ruin or compromise your relationship with your cousin as he is in a different stage of life. As Mum's we need to follow our instincts!
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