In reply to your questions -

My concerns/thoughts are:
* if he goes, this will open his eyes to the food options and he will ask everytime we see the golden arches

My DS does ask for McDonalds as he has eaten there sometimes (Macca's is one of those 'good at the time, urgggh why did I eat that?' afterwards foods in our house and we will occasionally stop there on the way to my parents house which is 3 hours away). I just say no. As his mum, I make the decision on what he eats. He can ask all he likes, it doesn't mean you have to give it to him. We actually drive past one every day and 9 times out of 10, he will not ask but he sometimes see's those yellow arches and asks.

* if he doesn't go, will this mean that he is not invited to other kids parties because it will get around that he doesn't/isn't allowed to eat the food?
* if he doesn't go, will that mean I get labelled a weird uptight mum for not wanting him to eat there?

This is totally up to you and how you turn down the invitation. I would just say you are busy if you really don't want him to go, you don't have to say you don't want him eating McDonalds

* if he doesn't go, am I making it a forbidden thing (even though he wouldn't know at this stage) and therefore even more attractive? (thinking down the track here).

Not sure about this one. I guess it will be harder as he gets older, but you also make the decision to firmly say no to something. I guess it all ties in with the once off meal question

* Do I have the right to censor his experiences in this way? i.e. it's not harmful, IMO, as a once off meal and maybe I should be letting him make his own choice about it
I believe you do have the right to censor. It's a great thing to be teaching so early about what are good foods. My DS asks every single day if he can have a lolly - the answer is generally no. He knows it's not great for him and he is learning that although it tastes good, he can't have them all the time. He can however have unlimited fruit and vegetables


Does anyone know what the typical food/meal is for a toddler party? To be honest, I think that the first few years of toddler parties (Mum's group so same kids parties for the last 4 years), there was always good healthy foods and as they have gotten a little older, there has been more of the 'fun party stuff'. At the 4 year old birthdays we have just been to, there was food there that never would of been at their 2nd birhtdays etc. It was more of the party pies, sausage rolls, potato chips and fairy bread. The best thing about kids parties is I find that my son never eats much there anyway. There is so much going on and he is much more interested in playing.

If it was my son (and this is totally just my opinion) I would weigh up how friendly he was with the child and if I thought he'd have a good time. I think 3 is a bit young to be holding a birthday there but that is the parents choice I guess. If I thought my son would have a couple of hours of fun, and I could meet some of the other child care parents, I would probably go.