Mixed Parents - Comments about your bub

[prama]

Hi,
Just wondering if any you are a mixed couple and because your bub looks exotic; you get comments from people? Or if you yourself had mixed parents and you got comments...

I'm Malaysian of Indian descent and DH is Australian Caucasian and when I'm out with Lakshman by myself, people give me stares as he's a lot lighter than me. It's almost like people wonder if he's my son or are trying to figure out how's he's mixed...


We went back to Malaysia to show him off to my family and people talk amongst themselves why he looked so different, and strangers would just come up to me and ask me if he was really my son and why was he so much 'fairer' than me.. Did I mention that Malaysians are not only tactless but busy bodies as well! LOL.
It didnt p!ss me off but just got me a bit annoyed as how insensitive people can get, what if he was adopted..... What about people who adopt children from different ethnic backgrounds.

I also get a bit worried if this might affect him when he's older when people ask him why he looks different or if I'm really his mummy....

At the end of the day, he's my baby and my flesh and blood and I don't care what people think, he's mine, mine, mine and I love him to bits!!!

[AnyDream]

Well, that just seems weird, nosy and insensitive to me. I'm sure he looks plenty like you and plenty like your DH as well! And from his photo it's 100% gorgeousness from both sides .

[sushee]

Oh yeah, I get it sometimes too. Charlie is very slightly darker than his dad but is very much fairer than me, and I've had comments here and there, more in Singapore than here though.In Singapore, someone actually thought I was the nanny and was shocked that he was my son (esp since he doesn't look much like me). :P

[*Ang*]

My sister is blonde, blonde and blonde and the rest of my family is as dark as they come (hairwise that is! ). Over the years the number of comments we would hear about her being the "milkmans daughter" were amazing, "where did she come from" was another common phrase along with a few nudge nudge wink winks! Thank God my parents just laughed it off and I dont think today (my sister is now 18) my sister has any realisation of the speculation and comments that occurred in her first few years of life.

A lot of people are just plain curious and there are others who are also plain rude. Take it with a pinch of salt and maybe have a few one-liners that you can retaliate with. You know where he came from and that is all that matters!

Oh and he is pretty damn cute too!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't think it's limited to mixed-race couples (though not in such a relationship myself I can tell you some shockers my friends have experienced) - I get all the time that DS is a mini-DH, a clone of DH, am I his mother because he doesn't look anything like me, you can't see any of me in DS... it's just rude!

I know one lad locally who's mixed-race and his white grandparents get the odd funny look when they're out with him, but as he's the ONLY mixed-race lad in the village most of the local parents know him. Other friends are told it's nice they're helping out those less fortunate than themselves (when out with their own children) - as if being a darker colour means you're less fortunate! Dear me, I think the person who said that was looking for her teeth for the rest of the day. What else have people passed on? Quite a lot of rude comments that I won't repeat. "Will they darken up like you later?" or "The baby is not allowed out of hospital because he is jaundiced." "No, he's mixed race: look, I'm his grandmother, I'm black, the mother is white; I am telling you that's the normal colour for my babies and obviously my children's babies."

BTW, I have friends with Indian/English decent babies and the colour as they grow older just becomes more and more beautiful - I'm quite jealous sometimes. Your lad looks gorgeous to begin with, he'll be breaking hearts when he's older (if he hasn't started already) no matter what people say to you now.

I think those girls deal with the questions and rude statements with "Yeah this is my mummy, she loves my daddy too. Why don't you look just like your mother?" (I heard the younger girl come out with this one a while ago and the old lady was floored, as if a 5-year-old can't hear her!

[paradise lost]

I know a lady who lives in America and has 3 adopted kids and just had a baby herself. She's caucasion, her hubby is african american, and quite dark. She was in a shop with the kids once and a woman she knew vaguely (i.e. not best mates but had seen her recently, when still hugely pregnant) came up to admire the new baby, and said "Oh he's very dark isn't he, i think his father might have been black you know?" And she was like "um, yeah, thanks, i know what colour my husband is!" LOL - how crazy is that!?

We've had someone once go on and on about how much DD is like DP...great, but must be genetic osmosis because we got together when she was 5 months old!

Bx

[Beach Mama]

Oh sweety he will always know that you are his mummy, regardless of your skin colour. People are just so darn insensitive aren't they. Isabelle is 1/4 Japanese as my DH is 1/2 Japanese (derr Tan) Anyway, she is really fair with light hair, but her eyes are definately starting to get a slight almond shape to them, but so many people say "oh really" when I tell them she is part Japanese. I will have to ask DH if he ever gets any comments or stares because although he doesn't actually look Japanese (more Greek/Islander really) he is definately much darker skinned with black hair compared to her. We were also saying the other day that this little man could come out looking completely Japanese really! People who know and love you are all that matters and the others can be kindly educated should they open their mouths!

[Sammiejane]

We've had someone once go on and on about how much DD is like DP...great, but must be genetic osmosis because we got together when she was 5 months old!

My mum was adopted and she looked exactly like my grandad weirdly enough and was always told so... she smiled to these people, but deep down it hurt her as she longed to know who her real dad was, so genetic osmosis there too, DSS looks similar to me and we always get comments too... sorry a bit off topic


PRAMA - i find that the people that are the ones that make comments are the ones that have grown with racism, children are hugely excepting and couldnt care if someone had purple skin, as long as they play fair and shared toys its all cool

Children are taught to behave in such a way that would exclude someone for the colour of their skin, and tbh i dont think that a child is taught that would make a good friend nor their parents good role model for little poopy...

Generally speaking people are becoming more tolerant, i use that word VERY loosely as i dont believe that you should be required to be tolerant of a 'mixed' race baby, child or adult, they are a person with as much to give as someone that is Indian like yourself or caucaian like DH.
It is very sad that the world still has a view like this, but i do believe that it is change, very slowly, but it will get their.

Possibly in Australia it is more common than in Malaysia to have 'mixed race' babies and as such the comment should be less.
Families can be incredibly insensitive and think that because you are family it is alright to say hurtful things

I think Lashkman is a stunner and will be beaking hearts left right and centre... i also think that he has two wonderful cultures and languages to learn and be prough of - something that children that do not come from mixed race families will never have and quite frankly im jealous!

i feel for you though, the last think that any mummy wants is someone to make unkind comments about their baby, try not to take it to heart, easier said than done, i know...

[~Kim~]

Ignorance is in bred. THey learn like from like.

I thing is is absolutley gorgeous Prama!

[HotI]

One of my siblings is adopted but looks lots like me (genetic osmosis again!). Another sibling was born to our parents but has red hair and different colouring to the rest of us kids. (Dad used to have red hair but it's gone darker as he got older). If people found out that one of us was adopted, they would look at the red head!

It didn't bother us that much, the adoption wasn't a secret and wasn't something to be ashamed of. At times, when the folks were embarassing, we all tried to claim that we shared no genetic links!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, my word, I have had experience with Malaysians (good friends, I'm not slagging them!) and yeah, does tact get removed at birth?? LOL!
Unfortunately, my DS' Mayan heritage is diluted with Irish (half of what I am), and English (which, if you go by thinking in terms of the false concept of 'race', means he is really mixed 'race' right there!), so I don't really get comments about him...and I wish I did, because I'm losing my connection to that side of things! But I'd probably be really sick of it after the first day.
For myself, being half and half, the only comments I really got were when I was little, from other kids who called me 'Abo'...which disgusted me so vehemently because I thought 'what if I really was? How much more offensive would that be?', as well as "well I wish I was, cos that would be easier to explain, as well as being a great thing to 'own up' to" (geez, I was a bit progressive for a 7 year old, cos I clearly remember thinking that and talking about it with my parents).
I guess I have always existed on the fringes of 'mainstream', so I can tell you that your child will be able to overcome this rudeness (should it continue) and possibly even become a very resilient person because of it. It's an extra 'something' that you can turn into a blessing or a burden.
In more recent years my appearance causes confusion because sometimes I'll wear some pendants from New Zealand, so without clarifying what my heritage is people will just assume that's what it is and when something about NZ comes up, they will ask what I know about it! This causes more embarrassment than if someone just straight up asks me what my background is (a far nicer question than where I'm from..."no, where are you originally from? No, well, where did your parents come from then?" Ugh, how rude! As if being born in Carlton isn't a good enough explanation for my existence for them to decide if I'm worthy!). It is also confusing when I mention my sister who now lives in NZ - I now recognise the knowing nod and that it will be later followed up with "so how long have you been here", so I have to explain that my sister married a kiwi and that we're not kiwi.
So, it's the constant explanations that your DS might have to incorporate into his life and his interactions with people
I love what this bit of diversity in me has brought to my life - inherent acceptance and appreciation of 'difference'

[Phteven]

If anyone has ever made any comments about my babies I haven't heard them.
Lots of people play the guessing game where they try to figure out our background but it's not in a rude way - there are people from so many cultures in our suburb.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Growing up, we lived in a very multicultural enough area, and this is where I got the 'abo' slurs (man, how easy it would have been to just say "yes, I am, and proud of it"!). I now live in a bit of a 'whitebread' area, and this is where people politely assume I'm a kiwi!
If anyone ever questioned my dad about me, I never heard it. He is typically Celtic and I remember being slightly self-conscious and expecting people to ask him, when we'd be out together. I've got dark curly hair, which if it weren't for my skin tone would be much easier to attribute to my dad (who had dark hair before it turned white in his 20's, and it's very curly if he lets it grow beyond half a millimetre!), and olive sort of skin. Unless I've blocked it out, no-one said anything to us!

[~Raven~]

I get this a bit about Angus as he has an olive complexion and thick dark brown hair and he looks totally different from his brothers. I have the dark hair but not the skin tone. I have pasty white and freckly Irish skin.
Most ask if he has a different father (no ) and the funny thing is that my DH was the odd looking one from his family being the only fair skinned redhead and his mum used to cop the same questions!

If people really push it I tell them there is Maori and Lebanese going back a few generations (which there is on MIL's side) so he is a genetic throwback Never had anything bad said about it just nodding and wow how interestings!

[neuri]

I think we'd be hard pressed NOT to find kids of mixed ethnic parentage these days. Especially here.

Well i'm Singaporean too! I am of Malay/Indian background. And yeah, we get those comments as well, but it's all been positive, if not funny. DH is Aussie with Italian heritage and DD is his mini me, or mini miss, rather I didn't even get a look in! We figured she'd have brown eyes as it is dominant and we both have brown eyes, but hers are a green grey. I'm so jealous I'm quite fair so she's got this nice honey colour which i hope won't burn under the sun as her dad is Lobster Man when he's at the beach.

Once we were at Paddys markets and some American tourists were oohing and aahing and even though there I was pushing the pram, beaming as new parents often do, and the tourists automatically look at my SIL next to me and go, "you have a bewdeeful baby."

Hubby joked that they might have reckoned I was the nanny! Needless to say he got a whack in the arm for that one.

As Russel Peters the comedian said, in 200 years we're all going to be beige anyway. I'm just doing my bit now!

neuri

[prama]

Hey, thanks so much for your comments!!

Wow, we all have so many interesting experiences!!

I love the genetic osmosis stories!! Some ppl just look at one feature and try to match it up and look so clever! It's funny that ppl expect you to explain all your genetic makeups.


Ppl here and in Malaysia do come up and say that Lakshman's cute etc. and I always agree with them lol, just like any mother would.
We were in M'sia in June and had a few days in Spore, and were in the MRT(light rail transit) and an elderly couple were sitting next to me. DH was standing and L was with me in a sling. The man said he wanted to see what Lakshman looked like, so I moved his hat a little. Then this man, says 'oh, he doesnt look like you huh, he looks like your husband'. I could have slapped this man.. then my well meaning aunt says, 'he's so clever to choose his father's colouring' wtf! LOL!!!

My family's very mixed, Indians, Chinese, Malays (the 3 majority ethnic groups, it's multicultural but not as Oz) plus Caucasion (DH), Nigerian etc. But still it doesnt stop them from being insular!!!

LOL - I think tact is not in the genes of lots of Malaysians. One of my bestfriends from school, lives in Syd too. She's half Chinese, half Indian and her husband is blond w blue eyes and her 2 daugthers are absolutely gorgeous. She told me the other day, when she was back in Msia and out with her mum, who's Chinese, her mum introduced her to a friend and this later said 'Oh is that your daughter, I thought she was your maid!! (as there are Filipino women who work as domestic help there and my friend has similar colouring)!

My MIL said next time ppl ask how come Lakshman's fair and you're dark, just say 'Is that so, I never noticed that before!'

Yeah, I'm sure Lakshman grows up, his generation of kids will be all from various backgrounds it won't matter. We live in a muliticultural neighbourhood too.

I wonder if we had #2, will he/she take after me. Then we'll have our day and night, and we cannot exist without the other.. hehe.

Did you guys hear about the German couple who had twins? The father was German Caucasion and the mother was Ghanian, and they had twins, and 1 was white and the other black. How amazing is that!!!!

[~clover~]

Hey hun.
Anth & I are both white. No mixed race here (that we know of) but Jaz is blonde while the rest of us are all brunette. People just look at that & make assumptions.
None of them know that Anth, my brother & I were all blondies as kids.

My SIL is Maori & I can't wait for them to have babies! I can just see the dark skin & blonde hair now! I bet none of them will look like that, but I think people just have to get over their own ignorance!
SIL has a little girl, who looks just like her. Her father is also Maori, my bro is white/caucasian but people don't have a clue that she doesn't actually belong to my brother. He acts like her father & noone knows any different. It's not something that we are keeping a big sectret, its just peoples assumptions!

Don't worry!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

My exP is Greek and I'm Australian/Swedish, although he's not very dark at all (he has green eyes and light skin). My DD has the same complexion as his father and sister (olive skin, brown eyes and hair), so she's darker than me. She has this gorgeous curly hair too and mine is dead straight. Most of the comments i've heard have been more about that than anything else! People would just say she looks like her dad, rather than say she doesn't look like me lol.