Hi all...I know this is a touchy subject but we're at a loss as to what else to try...
We started 'Modified Controlled Crying' last Wednesday with our DS to try and get him to learn to put himself to sleep... It's HORRIBLE but we want to stick with it for a little bit because we're at our wits end as to what to do. Anyway, he cries/screams for about an hour each time we do it (usually we go back in to find him sitting up in his cot) and in the end he is so exhausted that he goes to sleep. I just don't know if that is teaching him anything... It's been 5 nights now and there has been no change in the lenght of time to get him to sleep (except that now he's only waking maybe 1-3 times a night instead of 5-10).
While his night sleeping has gotten better once he's finally asleep, his day sleeps are not real good anymore (about 30 minutes maximum now). I don't mind if he doesn't sleep at all during the day as long as we get a sleep at night (it's been so long since we've gotten a good sleep). We try resettling him during the day but usually without success. Anyway, as I said, day time is not our biggest problem...
I know controlled crying is horrible and I know the cons to it but we're desperate.
Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone else has tried it and if so, how long did it take to work? And how long did your bub cry/scream for each night? Did you also do it for day sleeps too?
We got to 8 months before we tried my own brand of CC. For us it was better than 5-10 a night like you had. Plus I also realised that even sice he was a real small newborn Flynn didn't like being cuddled or patted to sleep - he would get really annoyed and distracted and almost pi$$ed off by it. So much so that when I have tried in desperation to co-sleep with he he just does these wierd crocodlie death rolls and whines till I put him in his own bed.
At 8 months he cried for about an hour at a time (with 2 min, 3 min, 4 min and 5 min breaks with me going in to settle him. He took about 3 nights of unsettled sleep to settle into waking once at night for a bottle or BF.
we did modified controlled comforting with DS for his daytime sleeps, it took about 3 weeks and there was a significant difference, but the longest I let him cry for was about 1 1/2 minutes (he was only about 5 months old).
I forgot to say, the book we're working on says to do 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 minute breaks with 2-10 minutes of settling in between. We've been doing 2/2/4/4/6/6/8 is the most we've gotten to. Our biggest 'problem' is that after 45 minutes or so of crying DS generally falls asleep quiet quickly & easily after we go into his room to settle him...
I went to sleep school with my son - twice. Once when he was about 4 months old (day stay) and again when he was 6 months old (week stay).
Some things I learnt from them - (that has made my child sleep better & be much happier):
- babies need their day sleep. Ideally from 1-2 hours. If they don't get decent day sleeps, they become overtired at night and makes it more difficult for them to fall asleep.
- sleep cylces run in approx. 40 minute blocks. So a baby will usually stir/wake after 40 minutes. But it's best to leave them at this point and they should re-settle. If they can't resettle themselves, then you can go in and help them settle again - but don't take them out of the cot.
- at sleep school they don't do any 'timing'. What I was taught was to lay the child on their side - usually facing away from you. You get down on the ground and put your arms through the cot bars. You pat them (ideally shoulders and butt) - and either "sshhh shhh, or calm talking". You do this until they settle down... however long it takes. They may still be grissly... but not crying. When they are calm, you leave the room. They will usually start up again - and like your son, may even sit up in their cot again. You don't go back immediately - but if they get really distressed, you go back in and repeat the procedure above. The key is once you've put them in their cot - not to take them out. (I know all the "comfort parents" would be mortified at that concept).
- My son would only sleep for 15-20 min's in the start. After 1-2 days at sleep school he was having 2 hour naps every 2 hours. And he wouldn't be absolutely FERAL in the evening when we tried to get him down to sleep. Prior to sleep school he would SCREAM from 5-8 hours non-stop. It took quite some time for his night sleeps to get a pattern, but he was so much calmer, and happier as a result of the better day sleeps.
- there are also times during their life when their whole routine just stops for no apparant reason. Could be teething, which causes hell with sleeping routines. Could be growth spurts..
If you want any more information or to chat - contact me via pm, email or msn (details in my profile).
Hope your DS settles for you soon. Nothing is better then a LONG sleep - for you AND him!!!
Jodie - Thanks for your sleep school ideas too. We've been to our local family day care cottage quite a few times too...without any luck. I would love for DS to have day sleeps too but at the moment night sleeps are more important to us...he's NEVER slept for 2 hours but up until we started this MCC he was sleeping 30-90 minutes twice a day (most often it was 1 hour). We always try to resettle him if he wakes before 1 hour but almost always it doesn't work (we don't pick him up unless he's got a dirty nappy). I hadn't thought of putting my arm through the cot to settle him but I just tried and it won't fit through the slats...hehe... I do usually pat his bum though when I'm settling him.
I think we'll just have to stick with it a bit longer and see if anything comes out of it. We've read heaps of books, had heaps of tips from all sorts of people etc...I think we've nearly heard it all but so far nothing has worked. He was doing heaps better back in May but then he got quite sick for a long while which mucked things up big time.
Anyway, enough babble (haha, can't help myself sometimes)... Thanks again girls!
i just wanted to say that the rule 'better sleep in the day equals better sleep at night' may not be a blanket theory that applies to all babies... my DD was a great night sleeper, but shocking day sleeper, we went to sleep school and got her day sleeping much better, she went from getting maybe an hour in total during the entire day, to up to 4-5 hours... then her night sleeping went down hill, DRAMATICALLY.... now i find when we have had a busy day and she hasn't gotten much sleep, she sleeps soundly at night. i know she may be the exception, but i have heard ALOT of similar stories from parents with great night sleepers...
i have pretty much given up what i learnt at the sleep school anyway.... i don't think the crying in her cot helps much, especially when i could just cuddle her for 5-10 minutes then put her down and avoid the crying. even when she has gone to sleep by herself, she still wakes after the first sleep cycle and needs help re-settling.
we started a modified CC technique when our DS was 7 months old. he was a horrendous sleeper up until then. our technique was to have a set bedtime routine (dinner, bath, reading time, then into bed awake - with my DH to do the reading and into bed). then if he cried (must be a proper, continued cry - not just grizzling), then we would go in after 2 minutes. then the routine would be 2/4/6/8/10/10/10 until he fell asleep.
it took 45mins the first night, then 35 the next, then 23, then 15, then about 10mins or thereabouts after that. it got to a point where he didnt cry at all, and he's been like that for months (he's 14mths now). also, like you, the number of night time wake-ups reduced dramatically - going from every 2 hours, to just once overnight (now none). we couldnt believe how well it worked, after trying EVERYTHING, and i mean everything.
we did exactly the same routine for his day sleeps (without the dinner and bath bit of course!). and it worked a treat too. he sleeps about 2-3 hours each day.
(i am touching wood while i write all of this because i dont want my bubble to burst!)
i have read that the best/crucial time for babies to learn sleep routines is 7-9 months of age. i know mothers who have tried this routine at an older age have had more difficulties.
all i can say is - good luck. if you have no other option (ie, rocking, cosleeping etc just doesnt work), then i say persist. the thing i liked about this routine was that it was a "plan of attack".... instead of being at wits end every night, trying 1000 things to get DS to sleep, it was a simple step-by-step plan of what to do.
and i know the crying is horrible, but when we were doing the numerous other ways to get him to sleep, he would be crying then too.....
The method we used was pretty much as Jodie said, going in depending on there level of crying rather than by the clock. The difference we did was if she got really distressed we did pick her up calm her down then put her back into the cot. We found that to work well with us, we had to do it for day sleeps as DD was screaming for an hour or so before settling so we had to do something and it started working by day 3.
I too have to confess to modified CC!! After months of Riley waking every 2 hours and wanting a quick feed to go back to sleep I eventually went to Tresillian residential for 5 days. I didn't want to which is why i went for months and months with him waking that often but I was working 3 days a week and my whole life was being affected by my lack of sleep. I agree with Mads and Jodie, the techniques were as they described and after 5 days there and a couple of days back home he now sleeps 12 hours every night!!! The change in me is dramatic and also in him, until the last week or 2 he was having 2 1.5-2 hour sleeps during the day too. He was 12 months when we went but the majority of babies there were about 7 months.
I know that its not for everyone but all I can say is it worked for me.
Oh my gawd, it is starting to work...we're down to 25 minutes or so of crying before he goes to sleep... And he only wakes a couple of times over night but puts himself back to sleep... Well, that's the last 2 nights anyway...hope I haven't jinxed myself now.
Thanks for your replies girls! It's so interesting to read other stories.
Modified Controlled Crying?
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