What do I say when husband says 'I do nothing'??

[belle333]

Hi

My husband and i had an argument the other night. I asked him for some help around the house. Ok he occasionally cooks dinner but thats it. Since I've been on Mat leave (my daughter now 10.5 months) the responsibility has fallen on me.

While he loves his daughter immensely his way of dealing with things is to go to the bedroom and shut the door. Did the same when she was newborn and it really hurt and still does. I know he is being a neanderthal pig but I don't really know what to do about it.

The only reason I asked for his help is because Bubba has been having difficulty going to sleep .. every sleep day and night. Its obvious that she is very tired but the only way I can help her to nod off is by walking in the pram three times a day. So after about 3 weeks of this I asked for his assistance to which he said no. I only asked because I had reached breaking point and needed help. He said that my life is easy and that plenty of women do it. He also says that I should go to work and try it ... I have always worked except for now ..because I had a baby. And I am going back to work in Jan.

What do you think?

[Bathsheba]

Sweetheart you need to make sure that you leave your DD with him by himself for a day. They only "get it" after they have to do that a few times.... better still on a regular basis. Go do the shopping by yourself... leave her with him.

[C~Q]

Absolutely I agree. When you said you reached breaking point and he wouldn't help did you actually tell him how bad things were? I know my XDH would never pick up on any ihnts I left and it basically took me sobbing infront of him to realise how bad things were.

If he knew and dindn't help then I think you need to sit down with him anc have a big talk. Tell him how hard things are and explain what you have to do every day. Failing that do what Bath said...tell him one weekend (does he work mon-fri?) that you are going out for the day and go have a pamper sesh.

GL hun, men just don't get it a lot of the time...I guess thats why women predominantly stay at home, because we "get" it.

[mbear]

Do what he says - DO NOTHING....see how he goes. He will soon realise there is a clear difference b/w doing nothing, and what your normally do.
My DH was and sometimes is a bit the same. Jokes with friends that i sit around all day watching Oprah and eating chocolate (oh gawd....he knows my fantasy !!!). So, for a few days i did NOTHING...except tend to the kids of course. LEft clothes lying around, didnt wash for 3 days, didnt do the dishes, didnt make the beds. It killed me, it really did, but he got it....he understood that if it werent for me a heck of a lot of things wouldnt be done in this house, and basically they would all fall apart..

Men are visual beings - let him see you do nothing. Coz he clearly dont know what the meaning is....

[MrsB26]

I was going to say the same at Mbear - do nothing at all!

Leave dd with him for a whole day AND give him a list of chores that you would normally do during the day to complete. When you get home and he asks for your help because he needs a break and is tired, go to your room and shut the door and see what he does.

Big to you though.

[Tinks]

I was going to suggest doing nothing as well.

[BekZ]

Yep I would do nothing and I would leave DD with him for a day or overnight!!! He'll get the message...hugs. It is so hard when you feel unsupported

[black_rose]

yep I agree, do nothing and leave DD with hime while you go out and spoil yourself even if its only for a little while he will soon get the picture!

[Fleur]

Sweetheart you need to make sure that you leave your DD with him by himself for a day. They only "get it" after they have to do that a few times.... better still on a regular basis. Go do the shopping by yourself... leave her with him.

Yep, sadly it took my DH years to 'get it' .

I agree the best thing to do is let him do it. Ideally you would leave her with him for a full 2 days - over night as well - and then see if he changes his tune.

Yes lots of women do it but that doesn't mean it's easy!
Gawd...men...

[littlelara]

I'm with the others, this is about so much more than dh's perception of a sahm.
Would he go in for couples counselling?
He's being awfully disrespectful, this isn't how you treat someone you love, or it shouldn't be. And you sound so unhappy I hope you're ok. Mumming is hard enough