Help/suggestions needed - at wits end, sorry about it being so long

[kelebek]

Hi everyone,
I was hoping for some suggestions as to how to get my DS to get some sleep as it is starting to drive me crazy & he only seems to sleep in my arms & that doesn't always work for very long.
Today is the day that I seek help after trying to get him to sleep for an hr & 1/2 in his cradle instead of my arms & I am wondering what I am doing wrong?

I'm probably my own worse enemy & we have ourselves in some bad habits because a typical day can go a bit like this

wake up at 11 am
awake between 1 - 2 hours & I'll try & get him to sleep
usually sleeps about 20-30 mins occasionally get 1 - 1 1/2 hrs sleep
awake again for 1-2 hours & try & get back to sleep
usually sleeps 20-30 mins
This patterns goes on until about 1 am when I feed him on the lounge, I tend to go to sleep (he must as well) as I wake up a few hours later (sometimes an hour later but lately it has been 3-4 hrs later), change his nappy feed him again & put him back to bed where sometimes he will stay for an hour maybe 3 & wake up for a feed. If it is about 4/5 am I will get back up go to the lounge & feed him where I fall asleep again but this time only for an hr. Or if it is about 5.30/6 am I will put him to bed with me where we sleep with him feeding whenever he wants to until about 11 am & the cycle repeats itself.
When it is a bad day, ie he has only had 20 min - 1 hr naps all day by 10pm he is a nightmare he grizzels & cries at anything. He will cry putting him to the boob & then will suck for a few minutes & fuss/cry again, I can put him back where he will suck for a min or so & will fuss, suck again & fuss until he refusse altogether. This can be within 5 - 10 mins of me putting him to the boob. When I cuddle him or hold him he cries, when I put him in the bouncer he cries, sometimes he will be cooing/smiling one minute & crying the next ? it is really starting to get to me.

At first I was trying to put him into the cradle sleepy but still awake as I didn't want to get into the habit of him going to sleep in my arms but that was taking over 1/2hr to an 1hr to get him to sleep & then it was only for 20-30 mins most times. When he cried I would rock or pat him until he stopped crying but he would always start again. As I needed a break I started the rocking/jigging thing in my arms until he is asleep & then 10/15 mins later put him in his cradle which seemed to work sometimes but he only seems to sleep for an hour or so still and as he is about 6.5 kgs he is starting to get heavy!

I don't really want to start to co-sleep because it will be hard to get him out the bed later but it seems to be the only place we can get some sleep, after a few restless days my DP & I decided to all sleep together, DS went to sleep @ 1.30am & slept through until 11 am & getting a feed whenever he wanted, then that afternoon after he had slept for about an hour I went into feed him & laid down (cause I stupidly got up @ 7.30 am instead of sleeping with DS) & he slept for another 1 & 1/2 hrs with me.
I usually wrap him which he seems to hate while I am doing it. So I put him into those sleeping bag things yesturday so his arms are free. I was watching him throughout the hr & 1/2 today while I kept putting his dummy in, rocking his cradle etc... & he kept startling himself awake, so I am going to wrap him again. I also noticed after being the in the cradle for about an hour he did a fart & he did seem more calm after this. As he was due for a feed after the hr & 1/2 & he didn't look like settling into a deep sleep I got him up, gave him a cuddle, fed him, changed his nappy, wrapped him, rocked him to sleep in my arms & put him into his cradle (yes I went back to my old ways). He woke after an hour & I fed him again as he was looking for it (nuzzling & not really awake) & he went back to sleep ? should I have given him his dummy instead of feeding him??
I am worried that he may have reflux & wind cause I notice that sometimes he has been sick on his sheets, that even in my arms when he has been asleep for 10 mins & stirs, pulls faces & you can see him swallowing something or sometimes he will be sleeping & will start to grizzle/cry while he is asleep.
Most times he wakes up crying ? is this normal? is this wind?

Sometimes it feels like I am overfeeding him because I can be feeding him every hr or so but that seems to make him happy in the shortterm most of the time with him only fussing when he has had enough but think I could be making his wind worse. He has almost doubled his birthweight in 10 wks.

My DP thinks he's helping cause he is trying to give me solutions but with comments like he must still be hungry, your feeding him too much, what did you do to him? (this is when DS was sitting happily with DP for the past 30 mins @ 11pm while I had a shower & then the little monster started to grumble as soon as I took him back for a feed)!! isn't helping

Ughh? I just don?t know what to do anymore, not sure where to start, I am not getting anything done around the house as I am either feeding, playing or mostly trying to settle the DS. He never seems to wakes up happy, always crying ? is that normal??

Sorry if this is too long but it does feel good to get it off my chest. Any idea/help/suggestions are greatly appreciated & thanks for taking the time to read it

[Lulu]

I think he might be up too long during the day, 1-2 hours may still be too much for him.

Don't worry about co-sleeping, its a myth that you cant get them out of your bed later - AND you both seem to be getting far more sleep that way...

Hey, he is still really tiny - babies don't come with habits that need to be 'broken', rocking, patting - these are all things that reassure him and help him drift off. 20 mins of rocking/patting isn't too bad though. Its hard when your arms are tired, I know -but it cold be HEAPS worse...believe me! DS didn't sleep more than 8 hrs in 24 and screamed the entire time *sob*.

Hang in there!

[Mum0809]

He may have reflex, which is like heartburn. My DS gets it sometimes. He would scream with it, a friend showed me something that helps us heaps. Just lay him face down on your arm, so his tummy is face the floor and rub/pat his back.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My DS would only sleep with co-sleeping at 2m old, he stopped it himself at about 10m old. Before that, I think. And babies need feeding, not dummies, for months. I took DS to a paed recently and he said that waking twice a night was perfectly normal for a 15 month old. Very few babies sleep all the way through in the first year.

As for wind/reflux, it is painful. Do you burp him after every feed? Back-patting is very relaxing to a baby, even if you do that for a half-hour then he's happy! You may not be, but it does stop the wind and the crying.

Best of luck.

[~Trish~]

I agree with Lulu, I think he may be having too much wake time for his age. A bub his age can usually only handle between 45 - 60 minutes of wake time (including a feed). When they get overtired they actually fight sleep and are unable to nap for long periods. Watch for his tired signs (jerky movements, grizzling, eye or ear rubbing, etc) then put him straight to bed.

Re: feeding. Every hour does seem like a lot, I was feeding my DS two hourly at one stage because he just wouldn't sleep properly and he ended up with reflux and was very unsettled. I started stretching out his feeds to 3 hourly and he was better within a few days. You may want to try and stretch from 2.5 - 3 hourly, but it is totally up to you. It may not be a problem for you at all, but I'm just making a suggestion.

One other thing you could try if you are really desperate is a baby hammock. My eldest DS would only sleep in my arms during the day too. After a trip to a paediatric chiropractor we discovered his right shoulder was dislocated from birth (this wasn't picked up until he was 10 weeks old!) he was much better, but still wouldn't sleep in his cot. We bought a second hand baby hammock and he LOVED it! He loved the motion of the hammock and the feeling of being snug (just like my arms would have felt to him). It was our life saver. I could resettle him easily by giving the hammock a bounce and he ended up becoming a great sleeper. You can hire them if you ever want to try them out.

I hope you find something that works for your DS soon

[Clarebear]

Hi Njd,

Sorry to hear you're having troubles with sleep etc. It sounds to me like he is sleeping in too late in the morning and thats perhaps why he's awake so late at night? Until our little girl was around 3 months old she wouldn't go down for the night until 10pm and I found it really tiring as by the end of the day, no matter how much of a lie in I got in the morning, I was exhausted just from the fact that your whole focus is on getting her to sleep or feeding etc. I think it takes a while to get used to that in itself Also, having time in the evening with your partner while your baby sleeps is really beneficial as it can feel like you never have any couple time any more in those first few months.
I know its hard but maybe try getting him up a bit earlier in the morning even though you may be tempted to just carry on sleeping if he's asleep. Perhaps your other half could get him up, bring him in to bed with you for a feed and then entertain him for a little while so that you can still have your lie in?
Also, at that age I think they can only be awake for 1/1.5 hours at a time before they get tired and grisly so keep your eye out for the tired signs. And Emily still only sleeps for 40 mins at a time mostly so your sons naps are quite normal in their length I think. You'll find once he settles down and you get the sleeping a bit more under control then he may go for longer as they get in a pattern. He's still so young and it really can take a few months to get the sleeping thing a bit more sorted.
With the feeding thing, its very normal I think for babies of your sons age to bring up milk (I think they call it possetting?) because they have such small tummies and it doesn't have far to go if its going to come back up unfortunately Emily still does it every now and then and seems to have weeks where its worse than others and she's 5 months old. I found it helpful to write down when I last fed so that I could keep an eye on how long there was between feeds as I would forget due to baby brain so maybe try that? I also found that when I did get in the cycle of overfeeding (ie. small feeds but more often) it meant Emily was less settled and also did the possetting more as she was constantly trying to digest the milk I guess? It is easy to do though and sometimes its just easier to stick them on the boob if they're having a grumpy day so don't worry too much!
Finally, know that it will get better as he gets a bit older! In a few months time it'll be quite different and he'll be able to entertain himself a bit more so that even when he's awake you'll be able to do stuff like housework and get on top of things a bit more. My house was a mess most of the time for those first few months and I felt like I had no time for anything but its a short period of time in the grand scheme of things so just enjoy your baby and don't worry about it too much!
Oh, and you really can't get a baby in bad habits so young. You have months to go before you have to start worrrying about that and even then, nothings set in stone.
Sorry for the ramble but it all came tumbling out Some of its probably not any use to you but I hope some of it helps, even if it just reassures you that it will get better!!

[kelebek]

Thanks ladies for your replies & I have implemented the suggestions with some success.

Lulu2 & Trish he was up too long as I have been getting him to bed after about an 1 hr & he isn't grizzling as much. I have also been stretching out his feeds which gives me break.

Trish any ides where you hire the hammocks from ??

Clariebear We have been getting up a lot earlier too which means he is getting to bed a lot earlier at night & sleeping for longer periods then because like you said even if you sleep in it is still hard at 10pm let along 1 am.

JojoB & Rosehip_fairy I have been putting him on his tummy & find when I pick him up he burbs but generally I find it hard to burp him but have been more persistent & he will burp at least once after a feed.

I have also decided that I need to relax about the whole bad habit things & cuddle him while he is asleep or let him sleep with us at night & to be honest everyone seems a bit more settled & happier. As I said before thanks everyone we seem to be doing much better!!

[~Trish~]

That's awesome! I'm glad things are working better for you ! Relaxing about things is definitely the way to go, otherwise you end up obsessing and getting more stressed out.

You can usually hire baby hammocks from Hire For Baby, I just Googled them and they service Bathurst so you could try giving them a call. The hammock I bought is an Amby baby hammock, you can Google them to get an idea of what they look like. You can buy them second-hand on eBay too. I bought an ex-hire one from Hire For Baby here in Melbourne.

HTH

[Trillian]

Just moving this to Baby and Toddler General Discussion