Need help from Mums who tried Control Comforting/Crying

[Mum2boy]

Nearly 2 weeks ago, I took Coopers dummy away and also tried to do Control Comforting to help him learn to settle himself. I was amazed that after 2 days, things got so much better. I was happy to say that it had worked.

Cooper always settled good in the day, and even at night, but would wake maybe 4 times a night just for the dummy. Now he still wakes up for 1 feed, but thankfully, at the moment, he generally sleeps the rest of the night.

BUT...now I have a baby, who won't go to sleep by himself AT ALL!!! When I put him in his cot, he just screams! I have resorted to now rocking him to sleep and letting him fall asleep on the breast, because no amount of patting him, or anything else will work...

Want I want to know from those Mums who did attempt to control comfort, is did they find that their babies relapsed, and had even more problems and wouldn't settle like Cooper?? Is it just that it doesn't work for him? I don't want to give him back the dummy, but I am SO at a loss at what to do! Do I continue with the control comforting?

Any help would be so appreciated.

[Mumma2three]

It worked for us and we didnt' really have relapses. If she got sick or teeth, we had awake nights, but I just sat by the cot patting. When I say controlled crying, I was there with her most the time, but I did try not to get her out of the cot. I would pat her to sleep with her lying in the cot. It worked well and meant she didn't get upset.
I did try taking the dummy away for two weeks at one stage and coco was awake EVERY night from about midnight to 2-3am. It was a NIGHTMARE. So in the end I gave her the dummy, and that was about 8 months ago, havent' looked back!! Good luck xoxo

[TwinsMummy]

i rocked my twins to sleep until they were 10 months then a friend of mine with twins told me about controlled crying and told me to try it. It broke my heart they cried and cried night after night it got better each night but it tokk 3 weeks to completely work with no crying. I recommened the same bed routine it worked wonders for me. Bath, feed, bedtime story, place in the cot say goodnight, i love you, mummys just outside then id do in after 5 mins and repeat the same thing id leave then id go back in after 6 mins and reapeat what id said again. Each time you go in stretchthe time out by one minute so first go in after 5 mins leave then go in again after 6 mins then after 7 mins and so on. hope you have more luck. Keep in mind my twins did still have their dummy as they refused to let it go.

[Pandora]

It worked for us and we didnt' really have relapses. If she got sick or teeth, we had awake nights, but I just sat by the cot patting. When I say controlled crying, I was there with her most the time, but I did try not to get her out of the cot. I would pat her to sleep with her lying in the cot. It worked well and meant she didn't get upset.

This was my experience with daytime sleeping, as night time was not so much of a problem early on. I tried a gentler version of the tweddle modified controlled comforting for 6 month and under (so you don't leave them for more than 30-60 seconds). Things got better within about 3 weeks, and while he still wasn't the best daytime sleeper, at least he was having regluar sleeps, and a bit happier about them.

It was very hard for me to do though, very emotionally draining.

[barbie-up]

We (or should I say 'I') did it with Caitlin when she was about 6 - 7 months - it took five nights which were not the best, but it worked in the long term. I wasn't going to be one of those mums getting up to their babies when they were 1-2-3 years old. I did pick her up, though, to comfort her - I couldn't do the pat thing properly. This was also the time she went on to formula for her last feed which made me feel better about making sure she was full.

I would recommend finding a place in your house or yard where you can't hear them crying for the minutes you leave them.

Didn't have to do anything with Alex - he's been a super sleeper since birth ! I just wish no wthe lazy tacker would start walking !

[~Jo~]

Maybe now that he wont sleep at all in his cot it has caused him some trauma? Losing his dummy and using control crying might be a lot for a little one to cope with.

Jo

[MeredithD]

I do think every parent has a right to do what they feel is best for their child but I too would be concerned that maybe the CC has caused some distress and maybe your DS is now scared of the cot/sleep?
My son has terrible sleep issues and I went for a day stay at tweddle (sleep school in Vic)
My husband and I hated it. DH refers to it as baby prison camp! We were not even officially doing CC due to Logan's age but he spent most of the day screaming.
Was awful and I will never do any form of CC even if it means I lose a lot of sleep. Personally, I can't see how it can't have some lasting impact on the child but then I do understand a perent's desperation for something to work and for some it probably does.
I don't think there is any "blanket" formula that fits ALL children - they all have individual personalities.
Anyway, if you don't want to resort back to letting him cry to sleep, maybe try a gradual weaning of the rocking eg rock until he is drowsy then put him down, if he screams - pick up and try again. Each night make the length of rocking shorter and putting him in cot more awake. May take some time but just a suggestion.
May also help to let him have play time in the cot so it is a fun place for him

[Pandora]

Hi, just wanted to say the nowhere did the original poster say she had left her child to cry to sleep, and everyone seems to be suggesting. there are many variations on controlled comforting, it does not say which she tried.

[Mum2boy]

Thanks everyone for your replies and especially Rachael - I couldn't have said that any better. There is such a bad stigma with Control Comforting/Crying. (Perhaps it is my fault if I have called it the wrong thing).

I have NEVER let my son cry himself to sleep, (each to their own) but I couldn't personally leave him as distressed as he has been - to cry himself to sleep. I have tried letting him settle a little bit longer each time, and that just doesn't seem to ever get him closer to sleep. Funny how it works for some babies and not for others - just show what little individuals they are already.

It's strange because last night after writing this, he went to sleep in his cot as soon as his head hit the mattress, but this morning, again, he will scream and scream when I have tried putting him down for his morning sleep, so I am dumbfounded...they just seem to be extreme. Like a month ago, he would take maybe 10 minutes in his cot to settle, now it is either one way or the other.

[julesy]

I firmly believe that your child's personality & age has a lot to do with the methods you use to instill routine and sleeping rituals. Some babies start out brilliantly and then back track when they hit a certain age. I think it has to do with emerging personality!

Our bub is fairly placid (our first), and I keep telling her father that he's going to be in for a rude shock when our second comes along, as he/she will have a different personality...we have been spoiled with Nina!

Luckily for me, Nina has (touch wood) been very good at going off to sleep. We never vary our routine (she has a bath, then feed, then a little play. When we go to her room, her light is off, I talk to her the whole time in a low voice telling her it's time for bed, whe gets wrapped, has a cuddle and a "I love you" and is put straight into her cot wide awake (and usually smiling...in a bid to get me to pick her up...cheeky thing) Nina still has a dummy, but if she loses it during the night, she doesn't wake up for me. If she gets to an age where she does, I will consider weaning her off the dummy then. The whole ritual takes about 1 hour.

When Nina was about 2 months old we started sitting outside her door for 5 minutes at a time, and if she wasn't asleep, we'd go back in, cuddle her/settle her and leave the room again. We never left her if she became really distressed, but we could tell by her grizzles or sporadic cries that she was tired and leave her for 5 mins at a time. Within 3 days she had learned that the cot was for sleeping, and she would put herself to sleep. I don't regret starting at such a young age, and it hasn't made her anxious or clingy or stressed...so I think we did the right thing. The best thing is that now that she sleeps so well (day and night), she is an absolute joy when she is awake.

I don't know if most of it has to do with personality or parenting, but I do know that the whole thing is unfortunately a 'try and see' experience for all parents. Eventually we all have our own way of doing things and most of the time it is in response to our babies.

Good luck, I hope you sort it out soon and that hopefully it is just a 'phase' related to age and personality!!

[shellbell3]

I agree with what Julesy said bout age and personality being a deciding factor, plus what you feel comfortable in doing.
Our DD would never sleep in the day she would scream, we would cuddle her or stand and rock her cot for like 45-60mins til she fell asleep, it was a nightmare for me and her cause she's get so tired she would be beside herself.
We then did a comtrol comfort where we left the room and when she got upset went in and patted or cuddled if she was really upset but when she calmed down left again. This worked by 2 days and we learnt that our DD settles better if we aren't in her room constantly. I always thought it was wrong to leave the room until I made sure she was asleep because she would get upset if we left. But we learnt that whenever we stay in the room she gets even more upset then if we leave cause she just wants us to pick her up, which we just physically can't do constantly.
Now we put her down, she grizzles for awhile but happily goes off to sleep and we have found that she is much happier during the day and feeding better because she is not so overtired.
This worked well for us but may not work so well for another child.

I hope you find something that works for you and your son. Maybe try to have a little ritual before all sleeps so he knows. Like ours is putting her into her sleeping bag for all sleeps, cuddling while I have the CD on in the back ground and then giving her her little toy that i just give her in bed so she learns from all these cues.

[*mitch*]

I tried controlled crying with Alexa... Going in each time she got upset, but everytime I left her room she started up again, also tried the suggestions in toddler taming to, but to no avail...
I am home alone with her during the week (DH works out of town) & Also work full time, so my sleep is precious to me...

In the end I had to just leave her to cry & scream herself to sleep (not everyone likes this idea), but for me it worked... the first night she cried for 45 mins, so I went & weeded the garden so I couldnt hear her (was too hard to listen to)... the nest night was 30 ming & so on... a week later now I get her into her pjs & then give her a bottle then a big cuddle then put her into her cot & walk out, she sometimes grizzles for a few mins but nothing like she used to & I go in after 15 mins of her being quiet.. I normally find her upside down & around the worng way LOL.. so I gently pick her up & put her right way up with no dramas, she stirs then goes straight back to sleep!!!!!

As i said this worked for me but .. this is my experience only.... not suggesting that this is right or worng, just that it worked for me...


keeping in mind also Alexa still has her dummy & is 1... once we are in a good sleeping routine... ie no grizzling when put down I will be looking at getting rid of the dummy too... & probably have to go through all this again LOL...

HTH

[~Raven~]

Members please take note before adding to this discussion.

Please remember that while we do not always agree with another persons method of parenting, this is not a place for attacking. BellyBelly is a place for support.

We don't allow talk of CC in the No Cry Sleep Solutions for the same reason.
Please consider this before you post.

Any posts that are considered to be inflammatory will be removed.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I don't think anyone was attacking anyone, or on the verge of it, but it's good to see mods on the ball with these topics
I haven't tried CC and never will, but I have heard variously that staying in the room is the safest way to practice this, because at least the child doesn't feel abandoned - I'm glad you clarified about not doing 'crying to sleep', that practice is a bit scary! From a psychology perspective, or even a scientific one, there is no study available (since I last checked, anyway) that suggests CC (but especially crying to sleep) is safe. There just isn't the research because of the ethics involved, is all I'm saying (ethically, if there is a risk that research could do harm, it won't be passed and can't be funded etc). On the other hand, there are plenty of studies attesting to the benefits to psychological wellbeing in the long run (and short term) for immediate response to a child's cry/discomfort (and to my mind, if you do CC, then patting and being in the room could make it over the line to constitute immediate response). Just to keep that in mind and provide a bit of balance amongst all the 'literature' that says CC doesn't do harm - there is absolutely no proof that this statement is true. That's why, I believe, that at least being present in the room takes the edge off CC (although some children are quite ok with it, if a child is NOT ok with it, it's probably not a good idea to persist with leaving the room). Good luck and I hope he figures himself out soon