No kids want to play with her *heartbreak*

[Haydies]

I'm South-East Melbourne.

I'm in one Playgroup on a Friday, which her and I both LOVE! She does so well there. I used to be in another on a Monday, but it all went really funny (one lady was sueing due to some incident), but that's all that's really around.

BTW the behaviour of the parents at McDs in accepting their kids behaviour was disgusting.

Thankyou. I was wondering if it was just me being over sensitive. I did say quite loudly "Don't hit her please" to see if they did anything. Nope, nothing. It was 4 women all having a chat. Not sure which one was the mothers of either the boy or the girl, but none of them even bat an eyelid.

[Patooties]

Hi there
I think it's pretty normal behaviour for 3-4 year olds not to want to play with the little ones. I have noticed the same thing with my dd3 - she is 20 months. There are a couple of little boys at school who are older and they don't want her anywhere near them. She is also a little full - on and i think she's scared them away
Going to playgroup is a great idea - i'm just waiting until i can trust her not to crash-tackle the other kids when she's trying to give them a hug lol. Can you perhaps find another playgroup to go to? Do you have a library in your area that runs story time sessions for the littlies?

[visitor1]

hun....im in SE Melb too...Narre Warren....my 2 DD's looove other kids, so if you ever wanted to come over or go out then id be more then happy too.

Chelsea is 29 months and Jasmine is 18 months and they most definately would play with your Princess

[River]

This is quite normal actually, the kids you described did sound about right for older kids not wanting to play with little ones (especially boys), but it would have been painful to watch.

Just remember with kids this age, they don't have the same baggage as we do as adults. Your darling daughter would not feel the same feelings of rejection and exclusion as you do watching her. She just sees other kids and even if they don't play directly with her, she's watching and interacting in her head, if not outwardly. And she is learning. This is good for her to get a few fundamental building blocks of noticing people's body language when they don't want to play with her, and learning to accept it and move on.

I'm not saying it's a cruel to be kind situation, what I'm saying is that at the same time that she's not being hurt, her brain is in the background assimilating it all for future use. By the time she does get to the age where she starts to notice these things (about 3.5 - 4 years old), her brain will have developed a system for noticing and dealing with it in her own way. If you had her only exposed to happy joy joy situations all the time, she wouldn't develop the social skills she needs to go through life as well as she could.

All in all, it hurts us as parents more than it hurts the kids, believe me. I guarantee your daughter doesn't even remember about the kids at McD's even if she noticed the rebuff at all, but you are hanging onto it still - because you understand deeper meanings and assign adult reactions to a child's situation.

HTH

[Haydies]

hun....im in SE Melb too...Narre Warren....my 2 DD's looove other kids, so if you ever wanted to come over or go out then id be more then happy too.

Chelsea is 29 months and Jasmine is 18 months and they most definately would play with your Princess

I might just take you up on that if you don't mind. I'm in Cranbourne so extremely close. Oh that makes me so happy right now.

I think it's pretty normal behaviour for 3-4 year olds not to want to play with the little ones.

I can understand the older kids not wanting to play with her, but it's not just the 3-4 year olds. We've been around kids the same age, a couple of months older or a couple of months younger. So far nothing from any of them.

I've thought about inviting one of the play group mums around for coffee, or suggesting we catch up, but I don't want them to feel like it's too much. So far I've been there a term, and no one has ever suggested to anyone else a catch up outside of the playgroup. So I wasn't sure if it just wasn't the done thing...

I don't know what to say except give your little princess lots of hugs and tell her you love her! when she starts to make friends she will make them by the bucket load!

Hehe, so not the problem at the moment. I think she learnt the word 'no' just so should could say it when ever I ask for more kisses haha.

Thanks for all the replies girls. I did kinda forget that she won't associate the same feelings of rejection as I do. It doesn't help that I had a very longely child hood. Growing up an only child (which she wont if I have my way!), and growing up secluded from other kids, I never want her to feel that same pain. I want her to grow up knowing what it's like to have a best friend, to have a group of friends and to be able to play with other kids when out in a social setting (park, what have you).

I think most of today's little vent was part and part a lonely two weeks for her. Last week I was driving all over the state, which was no fun for her, and Tuesday's swimming had a substitute teacher who didn't really know what to do and as a result did nothing. So DD got bored. Then Friday's playgroup only had two other kids show up, both the same age and off running around together. So she got no interaction there. My BF's little one is sick, so I couldn't pop over.

All in all, she's only really seen me during the week, and DH on the weekend. She just wants someone fun to play with hehe. (We play with her, but it's not the same...)

Thanks again girls for the replies and listening to me sob on...

[Diamond75]

Hi there
I think it's pretty normal behaviour for 3-4 year olds not to want to play with the little ones.

I completely agree with JazaHMum.

I wouldn't worry about it hun. I remember when my DS started kindy and I use to quiz him every night about who he played with as I was so worried that he would have no friends! Is there any chance you could invite one of the play ground mums around for a coffee? That way your DD will have one on one play time. Either way I wouldn't worry she is so young still.

[Emma1979]

awww i almost burst into tears just reading the title of this thread.... i'm a bit emotional!

Try not to worry about it too much, at 18 months she wouldn’t really understand how antisocial these kids are being towards her, so it wouldn’t be affecting her like it might an older child…

how friendly is your playgroup, could you perhaps see if anyone is interested in some playdate type of things, ie at someone’s house, or if that is a bit too daunting, perhaps a little playgroup mini session of a few mums and kids at macdonalds? There may be some mums who would like their kids to have some playmates too (I know I would jump at it)…

what about your local library for story time (which would include interaction with other kids)?