2 yr old runs away, 4 year old whinges alot, 5 yr old acts up. advice pls

[sue1386]

what sort of discipline
or behavioral
or teaching
or reward
techniques do you use with different ages please

2 yr old runs away eg when you have to change her nappy,
or outdoors in street where it can be dangerous
can i do or say anything to stop it besides using a harness outdoors


she'll also tip out someone elses food or do things she shouldnt , what sort of actions, teaching, can i take with a 2 year old


4 year old whinges alot, i've been asking for nice voice and rewarding that
any other suggestions

5 yr old acts up. eg will bother siblings, normal stuff but can be very full on
sometimes i send him to room and he falls asleep which shows he was tired and perhaps he acts up more then i dont know

advice pls

thanks so much

[Olive]

read the book 1-2-3 magic!

[Doodlebug]

No advice on the 2yr old or the 5yr old sorry.

The 4yr old and whinging, my ds1 did this. Basically I just ignored him. Sounds horrible but I told him once that 'mummy doesn't understand whinging' and left it at that. If he whinged I went about what I was doing until he stopped or got bored and walked away. If he walked away I would wait a minute then go see him and ask him if he wanted something when he came up to me earlier. This way he'd know I noticed him, but I wasn't aknowledging the whinging. Make sense? It took a little while but it sunk in and all good now.

Good luck!

[sue1386]

thanks for the tip

could i ask you pls to give me a few tidbits from the book that you think are helpful as not all mums can read books instantly. if you could that would be much appreciated

thanks.

[ss_storm]

if you google 1-2-3 magic it comes up with the site for the book. Apparently there is also a dvd so if you don't have time to read a book you could just get the dvd instead?

[sue1386]

thanks. i find cds best as i can move around and listen to them and still do things that i cant do while watching a dvd or reading a book. maybe my library has them thanks.

[Doodlebug]

Maybe just turn away from him and do something else if you can't leave the room.

I totally agree with the 1-2-3 magic book. I did the course as well and foubd it really helpful.

[sue1386]

thanks re whinging child yes much as i've been advise but difficult to walk away as house is mainly lounge room and to watch the kids thats where i need to be and its not big

any suggestions there?

[Toomanytoomany]

Poor thing - you sound totally overwhelmed. Kids seem to gang up on you with their naughtiness, don't they? And they set each other off!!

2 yr old runs away eg when you have to change her nappy
or outdoors in street where it can be dangerous
can i do or say anything to stop it besides using a harness outdoors,

By all means use a harness in dangerous situations (in the street, etc). We've got a monkey backpack for Tom (his "bunkey") and I feel no shame in using it, just like I don't feel any shame in using a five point harness to keep him safe in his pram.

But, at two you can start using consequences to teach her what happens when she does the right thing, and when she runs away - the fun stops. At the park? At a friend's place? You go home. "Dd, we are going to have to go home because you won't stay with me when you are asked to, and it's just not safe or fun for me any more." Then go home. And when she *does* come, acknowledge it warmly - "you came straight away when I asked! That's such a safe thing to do! What a big grown up girl you are to come when you are asked!" <big hug> It's quite an age appropriate action, to run away without thought of consequences - and that's where you come in, to teach her those as she grows up.

she'll also tip out someone elses food or do things she shouldnt , what sort of actions, teaching, can i take with a 2 year old

Again, she doesn't have much impulse control at her age so it's about teaching her what happens when you behave like that. Removing them from the fun thing, and actively trying to catch them doing the *right* thing, is key at this age. Being quick and firm when they do the wrong thing, and keeping it all calm and not reacting in an angry way is really important, too, because then I get the sense that they realise they are being taught and accept it more readily than when they are feeling ashamed or upset or even scared by being shouted at. (Not saying you do that, of course!!)

4 year old whinges alot, i've been asking for nice voice and rewarding that
any other suggestions

My approach is always, "I don't speak whine, and I can't understand you until you speak in a pleasant tone". The kids hate it but it works :P It's a pretty normal thing at this age though.

5 yr old acts up. eg will bother siblings, normal stuff but can be very full on
sometimes i send him to room and he falls asleep which shows he was tired and perhaps he acts up more then i dont know

Is you five year old trying to be a big brother, maybe? And taking it a bit far? He's very close to his next sib in age and I find that they can try too hard to compensate for the fact that they aren't obviously much older, but still feel like they deserve some kind of privilege for being the eldest, kwim? I wonder if there are some special "oldest brother" things he can be in charge of around the house, some special responsibilities and then special treats for carrying them out? And you may be right, it may be tiredness. My 6yo is absolutely vile when she hasn't had decent sleep. She also really needs a routine or she's literally all over the place.