When did you feel like you bonded with baby?

[Karina]

I feel so dumb asking this... when did you feel like you bonded with your baby?

I dont think I have really had that feeling yet and I feel like I must be a bad mum because I feel like I have really bonded with her. I mean, I love her bits, but I dont feel like we've bonded.

So, when did you get that feeling that you had bonded? Was it an instant thing you had as soon as your baby was born or did it take you a few weeks?

[visitor1]

As soon as we got home and having a feed, looked at me and i knew we were one.

[Rachel]

I feel like we bonded straight away. Grace was crying her poor little head off and I started to talk to her and she stopped crying. Also when she looks in my eyes when we are sitting close together it just feels like we are one. Don't worry Karina, you and Claire will bond really soon.

[Olive]

Karina i felt like you do, didnt know if i bonded with sophie like i should, i felt confused about how i felt, i loved her to bits but it felt funny, i still couldnt believe i had a baby girl!!, dont worry it will just happen

[MantaRay]

Karina, don't feel bad. It takes different lengths of time for different people. You are not a bad mum. I bonded straight away with Jack, but Tom took longer. Maybe part of the reason was bcos he arrived so quicky - 3.5 weeks early and a sudden 3 hour labour. Or maybe bcos my time was split between both boys. I'm not really sure why it took longer but it sure did happen. It will for you too sweetie.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Nope, still hasn't happened. I adore him, but I don't feel any special mother-child bond: I don't even feel like his mother most days! Although that does get me through the sleepless nights, as I'm not thinking it will be like this for months, it's just still a one-off. Could be down to the birth - I didn't feel him come out, didn't hold him until he was over 10 minutes old, then he was taken away until he was 90 minutes old. Then when we were re-admitted to hospital he was on the nursery all night (to let me sleep so my milk production would increase) so I was left feeling very much like I was just taking care of a baby, not having had a baby of my own. There are loads of factors in why it's taking longer than expected, and quite normal (so I've been reassured).

He actually had a smiley day yesterday - he has been able to do small smiles from just under 4w, but very rarely does them, he's such a serious little mister - and that helps a lot.

[NewmumLou]

I actually was chatting to the other mums this week at mothers group about this! I felt the connection as soon as they placed Joshua on my belly after having him, he looked into my eyes and i knew "this is my boy" and no-one can ever have what we had! Other mums were saying how they felt it when they got home, or when the bub was a little older, it happens at different stages for each person! I am sure in time it will happen...just enjoy each day as it comes.

[christy]

With Matilda it wasn't until she was around 4 months old, sometimes I'd be pacing the halls with her crying thinking "who is this?"

With Jovie it was instant, as soon as she was on my belly.

[Tobily]

It took me quite a few weeks with my first. I think she was probably about six weeks old before I realised that her "real" mother wasn't coming to pick her up and I actually felt a strong bond beginning to develop.
With DS it was instant and it caught me off guard just how quickly it happened and how strong it was compared to when I had DD. I think it's easier the second time because you are already comfortable with the concept of yourself as someone's mother. Also, for the all the focus that is put on the type of birth dictating the ease of bonding - DD was a vaginal birth and DS was an emergency caesar. Yet I bonded with him much better at first. So alot of factors come into play, it's never simple.
It's very normal, it takes time to get your head around, and time to get to know eachother.

[~Kim~]

It took me quite a few weeks with my first. I think she was probably about six weeks old before I realised that her "real" mother wasn't coming to pick her up and I actually felt a strong bond beginning to develop.

I was exactly the same. I wasn't sure what it was supposed to feel like. Everyone deals with the lifechange differently. Now i have a little soul mate.

[taralee]

i honestly remember when Evie was 6 weeks and feeling like i had finally bonded with her. I was really disappointed that i didnt have that feeling when she was born and when i first fed her. i had trouble feeding her - i had blistered and bleeding nipples which (obviously) made feeding very very painful and i dreaded feeding - so when you're feeding 1.5hrs at a time every 3 hours it makes it hard to feel anything positive for anyone!!
When i look at my baby now i know that noone in the world knows her like i do and that we share a bond like no other, it breaks my heart that i didnt realise what a beautiful gift she was sooner - but i blame it on hormones and the whole bleeding nipple thing!
Dont feel down if you havent bonded with baby yet, the very fact that you are concerned about it shows your compassion and i'm sure that as soon as it 'hits' you you'll be down for the count and wont ever want to imagine going back to life BC (before child).

[babycoolz]

When I first had Andrew I was happy to give him to everyone left, right and centre to hold. As first time mum I had a pretty picture of pregnancy and motherhood, but this child kept waking me up every 3 hours to feed and I needed my sleep after a c-section!!

I bonded when he first smiled and I spent some good quality time with him. I watch him sleep all the time.

[nimchimpsky]

With #1 I think we bonded just about instantly. It was great!

With #2 it actually took several weeks - maybe about 12? But when we finally bonded - wow - it's so intense, nothing like with #1... I'm totally in love with her now!!

[ShootingStar]

I felt it straight away.. though i had a terrible time breastfeeding in the first week i started to get feelings of resentment.. as soon as i started him on formula then they were back.. but i think one thing that really makes you feel it is when they cuddle you. Jesse started giving cuddles over the last month or so and i think that really makes you fall inlove with them all over again.

[Roryrory]

I thought I loved Flynn when he was in my belly, but when he was born I realised I was wrong. I hadn't even known what he looked like. Now, I thought, that I can hold and cuddle my baby, NOW I love him. Now I have bonded. Then I remember when Flynn was three months old, I realise I had been wrong again - I hadn't really loved him when he was first bornm because I didn't know him. But now at 3 months, I thought, now I really do love him.

Now he is nearly 10 months old and I am expecting #2, I realise that only NOW do I really love him. The love I felt for him then was just a pale imitation of what I have for him now. I fully expect that by the time he is one I will look back on the feeling I have now and think "that wasn't real, but THIS is love".

Karina, you are just getting to know Claire, and right now she is only just getting to know herself (her weird tummy pains, the feeling of clothing on her skin, that strange sensation when she is placed in that plastic thing with wet stuff!) Learning to love and bond with your baby is a process, and I dare say that even those of us who love our baby and feel like we bond straight away learn that over time that feeling develops and changes. Just try to relax into that process and get to know her

[MeredithD]

Logan has been a very unsettled baby from day one so I don't think I had the immediate bonding either. Have spent most of the first few mths just "caring" for him and trying to struggle through a haze of sleep deprivation and constant crying!
He is now smiling,laughing and interacting which really pulls at the heart strings. I do still find myself amazed that he is my SON and not just a child to be looked after.
From speaking with others, I don't think it is at all unusual to take quite some time to truly bond with your baby.

[Susan_22]

I vividly remember my bonding feeling. It was the night after Amber was born, she'd kept me up a fair bit of the night, I was absolutley and utterly exhausted and hadnt had more than an hours sleep since she was born. I was breastfeeding (latched on perfectly and properly - the only time she ever did!) her in the nursery in the most comfortable rocking recliner chair and James Blunt's song Your Beautiful (or something like that) came on, she looked up at me and I just burst into tears! She was finally here safely and was all totally mine. Still gives me shivers thinking about it!