On BellyBelly @ https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby/cuddle-me-mum

I was reading (and rereading) through all the articles on BB this evening (My tired brain means ive only got through the baby section so far), when the Cuddle Me Mum article really struck a chord with me.

On the issues of 'crying it out' or 'controlled crying' with babies, how I feel is probably summed up by this quote of Kelly's (Zantey):

Whether you comfort your child or not, you are teaching him a way to deal with suffering. He may learn to withdraw and not make a fuss or he may learn how great human comfort can be - and give it in return.
But upon reading this article, I came across this:

Leaving your baby to ‘cry it out’ may have longer term consequences for mental health: there is emerging evidence that distress at being left to cry changes the physiology of the brain and may predispose children to stress disorders such as panic, anxiety and depression later in life. Paediatrician William Sears has commented that ‘babies who appear to be ‘trained’ not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant or ‘good’ babies. Yet these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down their needs. They become children who don’t speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest need adults.’
This just sounds so obvious to me, now I have read it. Despite my already held opinions about this issue, I believe this cinched it for me. I dont think anyone who has ever suffered from a depressive illness could ever do something to give their child chances of experiencing the same, and I know I never will.

If never ever letting my baby cry it out, or 'giving in' to them, even if it means going way over the top, may protect them from the feelings associated with depression than I will do it, no matter what it means for me. I dont think this feeling could be fully understood unless you also understand the deep emptyness, constant self-doubt and immense amounts of pain that are a part of depression. No way should anyone have to suffer that, and after suffering it from myself, I just hope that the one thing I achieve in parenthood is stopping my children from experiencing it too..

Because we all want the best for our children, even if they are here with us, unborn or even unconcieved. We still love them, or who they'll be.