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Thread: Please help

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    West Brisbane Area, QLD
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    Default Please help

    ok so im feeling pretty stupid right now for not knowing what to do, but i really do need some advice.

    My DS is 2 in not even 2 weeks and out of control. His SOOOO naughty, he throws things, hits (even if i smack him back which i hate doing he will just hit me again). he doesnt listen at all, he thinks its funny to run off (even if its onto a road). He can be such a good boy when he wants, but thats not very often.
    I really need to get him into line as i have another baby on the way and it will make it so much easier if he was just the smallest bit more well behaved.
    Does anyone have any ideas of punishment ect..? i hate smacking him, and im at my witts end... please please please help


  2. #2

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    Oct 2006
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    Sounds like you guys are doing it tough.
    Have you thought about a 'time out' technique? Some of my friends are beginning to use this already with their little ones who are about 18mo like my DD. They offer a warning, then if the behaviour continues they place their child in their cot for 1-2 minutes, and leave the room. Apparently they've had some success already.
    I agree with the theory behind the 'time out' technique, that they are in a safe place, and they are being deprived of attention (for a very short time), which is usually the main motivation behind difficult behaviour.
    Having said that, I've not actually tried it yet myself, so I can't offer you any personal stories.
    Probably above all else though, we need to offer our little ones consistency. I have been trying to adjust my reactions to DD's behaviour to be more consistent of late, as sometimes I am more lenient than others. This is too confusing for her, so I'm trying to rectify this. I don't know if this is an issue for you too?

  3. #3

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    hmmm i can't speak from experience but when i watch any of 'those shows' like house of tiny tearaways or supernanny etc they seem to put a lot of focus on praise (ie complimenting him when he is good, or does something productive/positive) so not all the attention he gets is negative like "Dont do that! Stop! No!" etc.....

    i'm not sure how much understanding or comprehension a two year old has but i have also seen rewards charts introduced and work well.... you could get creative and design something that will interest him, ie thomas the tank engine or god i have no idea actually, anyways say when he is good or does something good he gets to stick a new train on the track, and when he gets all 5 trains - he gets a reward - like a toy, or a trip to the park, or something else that will interest him. if he misbehaves, he loses a train - you get the idea.

    they also seem to outline what they expect... ie say you are going for a walk, before you go you explain what you expect from him 'ie has to hold your hand or hold onto the pram, or sit nicely in the pram, when you get to the park he can play but when you say its time to go home he has to take hold of your hand/the pram again to walk home'... if he does what you've asked or close enough he gets a reward.

    anyways as i said i really don't know how much comprehension a 2 year old has as i'm not experienced with kids and my little one is only 15 months.... i probably haven't been much help.... im just addicted to those shows on tv so thought maybe something i have seen might work for you.

    i guess in the end he is doing it to get some sort of reaction, or attention, so maybe change the way you react perhaps.... or perhaps try to give him more positive attention, so he isn't mucking up to get your attention.

    im dreading the terrible 2's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    hang in there sooner or later things have to improve xx

  4. #4

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    for us with DD#1 was/is/trying to stay calm........ great in theory I know. However we have seen the effects of us staying calm in our physical as well as verbal response. Plus consistency!!! Consistency is the key!! If the correction becomes consistent......they begin to learn what to expect and if you can make the consequence something that, can't think of any other way to put it, but devastates their world, they begin to think twice.

    The other night, DD#1 was unbelievably rebellious and omg! Naughty!! (shocked me actually) so DH put a chair in her room, sat her on it and then cleaned her entire room out of allllllllll her toys!! (our room looked like toys'r'us! ) Then when she was allowed to come out, we restricted her play time to what and where so she understood that mummy and daddy were serious. As the night progressed however and her behaviour remained sweet, we let the night return to the norm of playing and fun. But, she got the picture rather fast and it had the desired effect as she began displaying similar behaviour a morning or so later and all we had to do was remind her of what happened last time. She is older than your little one however, but imo the concept can still work.

    There's some great ideas from others here too!: The reward chart is a great idea if that's what makes your little one tick. My DD loves stickers so when we did charts (for toilet training) it was a real incentive for her. Making sure your DS knows exactly what behaviour is expected just before entering a new situation - yes he may be only 2 but little ones are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for......if they've worked out the effects of bad behaviour i.e. what attention they get for it, they can certainly be trained to learn the rewards for good behaviour. We fully praise up our girls good behaviour, like make it a big deal which in turn makes them think, "ooh, liked that response from mummy and daddy! Lets aim for that again!!" We also did time out in DD's cot as it was a safe place to leave her. We'd take all toys, even blankets out (as they were a comfort thing for her) but we'd only leave her for maybe 2-5 minutes? Now that DD is older, we can leave her against a wall for a couple of minutes but whenever we have gone back to get her we would explain to her why we did what we did (putting her in her cot or standing against the wall) and now we get her to tell us why she had to go to the wall. Then we have a big hug and tell her how much we love her!

    The other thing to look at is if you are expecting, this could be rocking your little ones world too as they know things are and will continue to change - so its a fine balance between really loving on them and knowing when to guide them with a firmness.


    Sorry, bit long winded but hth some what though lovey xx

  5. #5

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    Oh boys, don't you love them. Mine son was the same!!! I honestly thought i was going to murder him at some points. Especially when he use to lay on the shopping mall floor and kick and scream. We tried everything, though what seemed to work was timeout. Though we couldn't put him in a corner or anything, we actually had to pt him in his room and close the door. It must sound cruel, but after a good 10minutes of kicking and screming, & throwing his toys in there he would settle down. Sometimes he would need longer, but after time he understood if he missed behave he would have to go in his room. We also put a little lock on his toy box, so he couldn't play with his toys whilst in there. He is now 3 1/2, and i must admit, he still likes to test us, but he listens to what we say now. Day care commented a few months back on how is listening has inproved, he was the child running around like a manice while the others where all sitting down listening to a story.

    Well thats how i controlled my little Dennis The Manis.

  6. #6

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    Big hugs to you hun. It is so hard isn't it!!

    The main thing to remember is that this is normal behaviour at this age, and especially when he is also experiencing a change - that is that another baby is on the way. It can really help to understand the behaviour. At this age children are starting to feel emotions like anger and sadness that they don't fully understand. They understand so much but can't communicate as they would like to. They are fully aware of changes going on around them, but again, they are unable to express their anxieties and fears. Knowing this can help you to deal with the behaviour.

    The first thing I recommend, is reading the brilliant book "Toddler Tactics" by Pinky McKay. It gives some fantastic tips for raising toddlers and covers all aspects such as eating, sleep, play and behaviour. Definitely, definitely give it a read.

    Also, I would try talking to your DS more about his feelings, your feelings and his behaviour. If he throws something you can look him in the eye and ask him if he is feeling angry. Talk to him about that. Explain that feeling angry is normal, but it is not ok to throw things when he feels angry. Teach him other ways to get the anger out. Also spend time talking to him about the new baby coming and telling him that you still love him and will have time for him etc. And I also find it helps my boys to debrief each day before bed. To talk about the day and what happened and how that made them feel. Certainly at your DS's age you might be doing more of the talking, but it will still be a big help for him to process things and it will also help him to learn to communicate his feelings better too, which should reduce the tantrums.

    GL with it, I am sure things will get better. Try to be patient and understanding. As hard as it is, that will resolve the issues more quickly so you will be better off in the long run. Take care.

  7. #7

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    The only thing that worked with my DS at that age was time out.

    Straight to his room if we were at home.

    If we were out then it was back to the car and strapped into the carseat. I'd tell him I was leaving him there and walk off and hide just out of his sight for 5 mins. It took a couple of times (he was shocked the first time) but it did help heaps and I only had to threaten and he'd be much better. You need to be prepared to go home if you have to as well to reinforce that you will follow through with your threats and when you get home put him in his room.

  8. #8

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    I would concentrate on praise when he's good to start with.
    For my daughter i found the place she likes least in the house which is also away from me (mine is the laundry or the garage as they are the darkest coldest places that have no toys). It's really important not to use a place like their bedroom or bed as when it comes to bedtime they can sometimes think that they are being punished.

    When my DD is naughty or misbehaves she gets 1 warning (and you have to be very firm on this) and if they disobey then they go to there 'naughty spot' for the same amout of minute as their age (2 yrs= 2 minutes) When they come off its important they know what they did wrong and apologise or rectify it.

    Hope that helps. good luck

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