I could have written that myself !
I have 3 boys and i have noticed in the last 18 months how much more they do with DH. They used to be mummies boys. I miss them !
The day it hit me really badly was when DH took DS#1 and DS#2 to the supercross motorbikes and DS#3 and I stayed home. I cried like a baby after they left. It suddenly occured to me that i will never have that. I wont be able to do girly things with a daughter yet DH has 3 boys to do guy stuff with. It hurts so bad !
Does'nt help that my close friend has just had a daughter after 2 boys....
All i have ever wanted is a daughter !
Dont get me wrong - i love my boys with all my heart but i cant stop thinking about the daughter i really want.
I am really struggling with this at the moment too - me thinks i should join the gender disappointment group too !
I have five girls and one boy, the last one. Through at least a couple of pregnancies with the girls, I thought that I was having a boy, and yes, I was disappointed. I wanted the chance to raise a man! I wanted to know what it was like to have a son. I really wanted that experience. So I think I kind of understand, although I'm sure it is different again for you.
I think as a society we tend to believe in the old saw, "A son you have til he gets him a wife, a daughter you have for the rest of your life," but I'm not sure that's true. I have a friend whose boys are so anti that stereotype it isn't funny, and I have no doubt they will be cuddly and close with her until the day she shuffles off this earth!
I've also seen so much variation in my girls that I cant' expect anything of my relationship with them. I've got one who is totally slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails, another who is All About Daddy... it may be that even if you'd had a girl, it might have been nothing that you expected!
...and yet I can see that as they hit puberty, they identify more with me and I can see that dh feels hurt and left out, and so I have a glimpse of what you are feeling.
Are there other young girls in your life whose lives you can be a part of? Can you be an "auntie" to someone else's little girl, just to explore that older female/younger female role?
I'm sorry you are feeling so sad... I guess it's an important thing to work through. Don't be ashamed of your feelings - it isn't like you want to send your boys back!
Thank you all so, so much for your heartfelt, wonderful, supportive replies. I really am touched by how many of you identify with what I am feeling. I am sorry to all those others experiencing disappointment too.
I used to think that I could get over my disappointment by reminding myself all the great things about having a boy- and there are many, many things. In fact, I am surprised by how much I actually love having a boy. But I think only recently have I understood that while this approach is great, it doesn't actually deal with the disappointment, and I think that is why it has arisen again.
oh sweetheart gender disapointment comes in so many different shades and colours.
I totally get the closeness you yearn with a daughter...I yearn that relationship with my mother so much , even though we speak everyday its that intimate mother/daughter closeness that words just cant discribe that is missing. Its something that no amount of 'boys' you have will ever ever fullfill if you have it.
BUT in saying this....my little girl is extremely close to her daddy.....I dont exist when he is around but my boys area attatched to me like bad farts after anight on the beer . Its not the boy/girl defenition, its the one on one with the same sex...as you said helping your daughter grown into motherhood...only a mother can really comprehend that with her daughter.
hon....you never know how many 'pink' cloudes are on the horizon
Sometimes I think it is easy to imagine what it might be like to have what you don't..or aleast the possibility..I have 3 girls soon to be 4 and 1 boy , my man is a man..but he loves his mummy, the girls are all about daddy??? My oldest is 17 and she has given me a run for my money, I sometimes wonder if it will all work out and we will be close??
My DH comes from a family of boys and they all would have done anything for there mum, she has since passed, but on my DH insistence we visited every fortnight overnight, I did'nt mind, I was actually very proud that he treated his mum in that way.
Before you embark on another baby it might help to get some professional help...and work through how you are feeling...its certainly not wrong...but you also don't want your disappointemnt to grow out of control.
Good luck.
you are definitely not alone in this one !
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, even though we speak everyday its that intimate mother/daughter closeness that words just cant discribe that is missing. Its something that no amount of 'boys' you have will ever ever fullfill if you have it.
. Its not the boy/girl defenition, its the one on one with the same sex...as you said helping your daughter grown into motherhood...only a mother can really comprehend that with her daughter.
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