I have five girls and one boy, the last one. Through at least a couple of pregnancies with the girls, I thought that I was having a boy, and yes, I was disappointed. I wanted the chance to raise a man! I wanted to know what it was like to have a son. I really wanted that experience. So I think I kind of understand, although I'm sure it is different again for you.

I think as a society we tend to believe in the old saw, "A son you have til he gets him a wife, a daughter you have for the rest of your life," but I'm not sure that's true. I have a friend whose boys are so anti that stereotype it isn't funny, and I have no doubt they will be cuddly and close with her until the day she shuffles off this earth!

I've also seen so much variation in my girls that I cant' expect anything of my relationship with them. I've got one who is totally slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails, another who is All About Daddy... it may be that even if you'd had a girl, it might have been nothing that you expected!

...and yet I can see that as they hit puberty, they identify more with me and I can see that dh feels hurt and left out, and so I have a glimpse of what you are feeling.

Are there other young girls in your life whose lives you can be a part of? Can you be an "auntie" to someone else's little girl, just to explore that older female/younger female role?

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad... I guess it's an important thing to work through. Don't be ashamed of your feelings - it isn't like you want to send your boys back!