What BJ has said reflected my experience with PND. I was happy when I wasn't at home, got anxious when at home with the baby and even more so when things got hard, wanted desparately to sleep but couldn't, wanted to engage with the world but when I did got really anxious.
PND comes in many shapes so what might be PND for one person may not be what another women is experiencing. What works best for someone with PND is medication and cognitive therapy and it sounds like she is going to get that. It is important that both she and her husband to get some professional help to work through this.
I know for me if someone had come in and offered to make me a meal, clean up the house or do things like that I wouldn't have really appreciated it, as for me keeping busy doing the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking was a way of coping and avoiding what was really going on. But that may be the type of support she needs.
I suggest just being there for her to talk at (you don't need to reassure her, offer suggestions or tips on how you cope or do things - just be there for her to vent. Its important that you don't judge her - even unconciously). Being there as a distraction may also help.
It is great that you are being such a good friend to her. She is very lucky to have you.
I think what I suffered was actually PTSD (that occured when DD was a few months old) coupled with massive sleep deprivation. For me, what I really wanted was someone to look after DD while I slept and/or had some "me" time. I think that's probably the biggest thing you could do for her. Or perhaps her partner (does she have one?) can take her baby, you can find someone to watch yours and the two of you can go out to lunch or a movie? Feeling connected to the world again would help, i'd think, plus the adult friendship and company without constantly worrying about the next interruption from bubs!
She's very lucky to have such a caring friend as you.
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