I found a light show music thingy that projected onto the ceiling helped DD settle in the cot, have you thought about trying one of those? It settled her enough to get sleepy and drift off, some of the time. Certainly not every time, but I was grateful for the times it did. On the odd occasion it settled her back off if she woke during the night too, if I started it before she woke too much (if she wasn't due for a feed) I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions, I really hope you both get more sleep soon.