Jac, hun dont stress too much. DS had to be cuddled or rocked to sleep until he was about 7 months. Reason i stop was he was too damn heavy. But i found it quite easy at that age to get him to sleep in the bed by himself as he could understand more than at a young age. When i did i would hold him in his room until he was about to nod off, then would put him in bed. If he woke up i would try to pat, if he cried id pick him back up and start again. Over a few nights he started getting use to that tecnique and i then would put him in bed and sit beside him, patting or stroking until he fell asleep. Did the same process as above. Then once that was working i would do it not patting but still be there where he could see me. Once that was going well i would then move to the otherside of the room. If he cried out i would say shhhh so he knew i was there. If it didnt work, i would work backwards on the steps.. did that until he was ok with that. Then moved outside the door. Followed the above. If he dropped his dummy in this process i quickly put it back in. And that then ended where i could put him to bed and walk out. Maybe took a week or 2 i think but it worked and was easier i think than going through the struggle of trying to get him to self settle at a young age when he just didnt want to.
Then comes DD who doesnt want to be touched while going to sleep

So dont feel bad or listen to the books. THey may work for some but not everyone. Do what you think works and is best for you and your DD.

best of luck.