Well, that was a complete fail.

DS started off in the cot around 8pm, we went to bed at 10pm then he woke up. I fed him back to sleep and then the cot-rejection began. So I brought him onto our bed, on top of the doona and up against me with my arm around him. He promptly fell asleep and as I began to doze I had a panic attack that I would wake up in the morning and he would be stuck under the doona, not breathing so I tried to gently put him in the cot and he woke up and screamed solidly till 1.30am. Then I fed him, he slept in the cot for a couple hours, screamed again, eventually I settled him back to sleep in the cot where he stayed till DH got up for work around 7.30

Anyway, in between his screaming DH and I had a fight he was yelling at me that I'm obviously doing it wrong and to just leave him on our bed where he was happy. I wanted to but I just couldn't get past my fear of somehow suffocating him. I thought a few sleepless nights are better than a dead baby. DH said he's not comfortable with DS crying that much (and nor am I, but tears - dead baby, hmm yeah I'll deal with the crying).

I realise I'm being irrational, millions of people have slept with their babies for thousands of years. And since he was born he's come into our bed at around 5.30 and slept with us for a few hours, so why is it this any different?

I really don't know where to go from here. DH clearly wants to cosleep, and I do too but I can't seem to get past this fear