Sad issue, curious to know opinions.

[Kaydee]

I wasnt sure if this was the right place to post this, so moderators, please feel free to move it.

Yesterday my MIL was telling dh and I about a lady her friend knew. Apparently, this woman and her husband both had cancer. They were desperate to have a child together, but knew they were both going to die sometime in the near future. They sucessfully became pregnant with their baby, but sadly both died by the time the child was 1 year old.

Apparently when the child was born, both parents fell into deep depression. And the doctors believed this (plus the pregnancy) speeded up the cancer. They had 4 potential guardians lined up for when they did pass, and the mother's sister decided to look after the little boy when it was time.

I am very curious to know other people's opinions on this situation. Personally, i think it was a selfish thing to do, knowing that they will both die. However, i do very much understand why they wanted a child.

[Mumma2three]

That is very sad and I don't feel I can comment too much as I haven't been in such an awful situation. HOwever,, Im sure the child will grow up with huge admiration for it's parents and be very grateful to have been given life. The bub was only 1 year old, so would never remember them anyway,. The new gaurdians would be it's only parents. A bit like adoption in a way, and adoption is not wrong.
Just my thoughts xo

[Jennifer13]

Hi Katie, I agree with you, it was a selfish thing to do. I can understand how great the desire to have a baby of your own can be, but that desire should be to be a parent, not just give birth. The very thought that something MIGHT happen to me and I wouldn't be able to protect and nuture my child makes me absolutely shudder. To be a parent is a responsibility, not something to tick off a list before you die.

I wonder what people would say if the parents were two drug addicts or were mentally unstable who very much wanted to have a child, but knew it would be taken off them and placed in foster care and did it anyway. Their desire might be exactly the same, but there's no way it's okay.

Reading back, that sounds a bit harsh. Maybe in all fairness they thought they wouldn't die and that having a baby would give them a more compelling reason to live? Still, can't fathom their decision...

[Sal]

I don't think anyone should judge them, not knowing them personally nor their actual situation. If the mother were too sick she wouldn't have been able to fall pg. Pg does speed up cancer, with the increased blood flow etc.

The desire for a child is very strong, so I am inclined to feel compassion for the parents who died young, and also for the little boy who was orphaned so young.

[Tigergirl1980]

I also feel that this couple shouldn't be judged. Why shouldn't they have felt the joy of bringing a baby into the world? Surely you can see how strong a desire it is for some people to have a baby, if it wasn't then people wouldn't keep trying after suffering miscarriage after miscarriage and go through IVF. Would it be fair to say that people who have had one miscarriage shouldn't ever get pregnant again incase they miscarry again? After all it's a possibility that the baby will not make it if they get pregnant again.

I'm sure that when that child grows up he will be greatful that his parents wanted him so much that they gave their lives just so he could be born and live the life that they couldn't. He is their legacy, their connection to this life and I think that's beautiful.

[min]

Wow, that is a terribly sad story. I can understand that longing to have a child totally, but if I was in the same shoes, I would never knowingly fall pregnant with a child I would not be there to raise. I would say maybe one of the reason's for the depression was knowing that they would not see their child grow, and the child would not know them, by the sounds of it, maybe they realised they thought they had made the wrong decision, and could not deal with the thought of it, who knows, but I hope the child grows up not to resent them for it. True the gift of life is soooo precious, but it is even more precious when your family are there to share it with you.

[SuzL]

How very sad for all involved. I don't think I could say whether it was right or wrong, it's something very interesting to ponder. I sort of think of it from this perspective - people with cancer as still 'living' with cancer and have the right to carry on their lives like anyone else. And maybe the baby gave them hope, in the sense that, what if they suddenly went into remitition and became well again? I'm one of those people who always thinks a cure for anything will be around the corner (even though I know that reality is very different - I guess I'm just the eternal optimist!) and will hopefully always live my life that way, and maybe that's what they believed too.

Like I said, I can't really say whether they should or shouldn't have done what they did, but it is certainly very interesting. I hope the little boy is being well looked after and I'm sure he will have a great respect for his parents.

[*Rae*]

Wow - what a sad story The thing that i find the saddest is the fact that the parents went into a depression after their son was born. It really must have been a horrible time knowing that they were going to miss out on the rest of their child's life and maybe they had hoped they'd feel more positive when they planned to have their baby. I'm sure that their little one is very well cared for cause if they wanted so desperately to give him life they would have ensured he would be raised with love and support.

I'm sure they'll be watching over and guiding their son from above

[Kaydee]

I'm sure that their little one is very well cared for cause if they wanted so desperately to give him life they would have ensured he would be raised with love and support.

Exactly

I too believe that the couple's decision shouldnt be judged, however, everyone has a first reaction (and an opinion) and i was curious to know what that was. It's really interesting.

[Mumma2three]

I would tend to feel the most sadness for the parents who died. The boy will know no different. Also there's no gaurantee they would've been the best parents anyway. And look at someone like Tiger Hutchence, she's orphaned but is being offered a great life with people who are her family.
I think it's fair what they did.. There are no gaurantee's. They knew their time was limited, we all have limited time....we just dont all know exact times like they did! xo

[cathybutterfly]

I don't even know that it was selfish, as the parents didn't even get to enjoy their childs life iykwim. They were around to take part in such a short period of it, and then they weren't even happy during that time. Quite sad is my first reaction.