Saying No!!

[Softy]

Hi, I'm also one who finds it hard to say 'no'. But the biggest thing I've learnt in the last 10.5 months is not to feel guilty, because when you think about it you're not really saying 'no' for yourself, you're protecting your bub so there's no need to feel guilty. Takes a while to get used to it but once you do it a few times and remind yourself inwardly (before or while saying 'no') that your doing this for your bub to protect them it gets easier to say 'no' cause you are protecting your little one.

I also have a hab and went through the same, 'you'll have to get her out of that' or funny looks and comments. My bub had reflux and wouldn't sleep on her back so the hab was a godsend as I actually slept with her in it strapped to me!! You've gotta do what you've gotta do to get sleep and a bit of peace! I still co-sleep and get comments, ultimately I don't think it matters what you do someone will always have an opinion, so long as you feel comfortable with what you're doing and it works for you. Just politely listen-or pretend to listen and ignore it as best you can

[Heaven]

Yeah, I said 'get your dirty finger out of her mouth' and she said 'it's not dirty, it's clean!!' and got all offended and walked off. WTF!! She has long acrylic nails too, as if they weren't full of germs underneath!! I have had long nails before and you can't help it, you just get stuff under there and it's not like she just came straight from washing her hands. She was probably playing with the bloody dogs before that.

[Shanti]

Well, DD had her christening on the weekend so we had heaps of relatives up for a few days. Turns out the ones I thought would be bad were great and the ones I thought would be good we so annoying!!!!!!!

Who thinks it's ok to stick their grotty finger in a little babies mouth!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can relate to that one my DH's aunty did that to our DD when she was just 5 WEEKS OLD!!! WTF.... I was so mad... but shocked and didnt know what to say. She seemed to think it was fine to do that and she is a smoker so I was REALLY p*ssed off about it..... I WON"T let her hold my DD next time I see her. If someone does that again I'll really be getting stuck into them.... even DH's or my fingers dont go in my babies mouth..... its so damn RUDE of them to do that..........!!!!!!!
I was so upset but just dumbfounded didnt know what to say. I know what i'll say next time.....

[Glamourcide]

Ugh, my brother is the WORST for personal hygiene and I was always (and tbh still am a little) super-paranoid about him coming within breathing distance of DD as a baby... especially when he's a smoker (rollies, even, so you can bet he has spit all over his fingers because he's just a grub like that), NEVER washes his hands (not even after using the toilet ), and showers maybe once a week if we're lucky (and 'showering' does not involve soap of any kind, just standing under running water for ten minutes - I don't know where he gets it from considering we were raised by the same parents!)...
When DD was a baby he wanted to nurse her and my mother laid the heavy on me when I demanded that he wash his hands first - 'He's your *brother*, rah rah rah' (oh what, like people who carry filthy diseases don't have relatives?), but when he touched DD's face with a VISIBLY grubby finger, I just about lost my mind...

I never liked DD being 'pass-the-parcel'ed around, especially in those early days when my maternal instinct was to belt anybody who even looked at her sideways ('SHE'S MINE, GET LOST!' lol), but at least I know the majority of my family members were good about washing their hands and not touching her around the mouth/eyes or breathing in her face - she was born at the height of that really bad flu season which killed several people in Australia (including healthy adults as well as the 'typical' children and elderly that are more susceptible to influenza) and DH and I really pushed the point from day dot. We tend not to socialise and our extended family is scattered all over the state (and none were inclined to travel to meet DD) so we didn't have to worry much about friends, extended family or strangers, just our immediate family, who may think we're a bit nutty or overzealous, but at least respected our opinions on the matter.

[Emma1979]

firstly i'll just start by saying, i'm not really into holding other people's babies... i dunno, i feel awkward or something...

generally i follow the following rule and think others should keep it in mind too.... if its a new baby to new mum (ie first baby) i keep a respectful distance and follow the mum's lead.... if its a second or more baby, mum is generally more relaxed and its not such an issue... also i think for second babies mum's are a lot more confident in just stating what they want/and don't want.

i wish i had of been more confident to tell people no etc when my little one was younger, it will be a hell of a lot easier second time round!

[angelaartsstudent]

Poo...typed a reply then lost it.

My sister apparently has a head cold so bad at the moment that she can't get out of bed.

I told my Mum that my sister (who I hate anyway) will have to wait until she is fully better to hold the baby becuase I don't want me, baby or husband getting sick. Anyway...the baby will still be there when she is better, won't it?

Mum said "She wont have to wait if she doesnt have to"

Me: "Yes she will"

Mum: "Well she can look at the baby through your glass door"

Get STUFFED. I'm not a baby Museum! Also, that is assuming I'll let you into my house.Pffft.

My sister has a chronic and gross habit of always having her fingers in her mouth and biting her nails. I honestly never see her without her fingers in her cake hole. It's gross.

I dread her holding my baby...she's never seen a baby,let along held one.

Is there some way we can dress our babies so germy people like my gross sister get as little skin to skin as possible?

[Glamourcide]

^ Oh hun my mother is exactly the same - like we're trying to stop grotty people being near our kids just because we're such mean, awful people, right?!
My mum got on her high horse the other day when I told her I wouldn't be taking DD to daycare last week or this week, because she ALWAYS brings home lovely germs for DH and I and the LAST thing I want/need when I'm about to go through a long, hard labour is to be feeling under the weather - and the second-last thing I want/need is to have a newborn exposed so early to the nasties that toddlers always seem to harbour!!
Mum flat-out told me DH and I are a 'pair of sooks' and 'need to grow up and get a life' - yeah, because I know if *she* were in my position, she wouldn't have even thought of keeping DD away from germy kids (lol I know they can't help it, it's part of their charm, and any other time I have no problem with kids being kids, I just don't want to get sick right now! Next week will be fine, thanks, bring on the ear infections/gastro/etc lol) and then *****ed and moaned for the next fifteen years about how everybody else ruined her perfect birth/first weeks with baby because s/he was sick, kwim??

Arg. My body, my baby, my decision to keep my kids where I can wash them constantly lol

[angelaartsstudent]

Agreed 100%.

My mum also doesnt seem to realise that she can carry around the germs my sis has from her cold, even if she doesnt get it herself.

And saying stupid things like(re my smoker aunt):

"Oh smokers only get yellow fingers if they smoke without filters"

BULL. I smoked up to early pregnancy, I had stained fingers and smoked ready made cigarettes,so it has nothing to do with what you smoke.

(Although if my Mum knew I've been a smoker she'll go nuts)

When I mentioned that I would like my aunt to wash her hands before touching baby, Mum was livid and went totally mental.

Aunt smokes and works at an old age home, Mum and sister work at a school. I rarely see the outisde world (dont drive plus too tired now LOL) and dont want to get a cold before, during or after giving birth.

If I get sick, baby would probably get sick. I could think of nothing worse than having a cold or flu while trying to bond with my newborn.