Is she too reliant on me?

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I was a single parent even before I was a single parent so I've never been in this exact situation, but I think either situation is fine. She's only a lil'un and if you want to go get her off DH when she cries, that's perfectly okay! But she'll be okay with him too if you leave them to it. She'll be fine as long as some one's there looking after her.

[Marlene]

Mitchell, who is now 8, was like this. He would not settle for anyone but me, didn't even like to be held or played with by anyone but me. Nearly drive me insane, LOL. I think the t-shirt thing is a great idea.
Jack is the total opposite, he'll go to anyone, fell asleep in his grandmothers arms the other day and she'd only seen him a couple of times.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Sarah, if she were 12 years old and only you could settle her when upset, I'd say 'yes, too reliant'!
I don't know quite how he came about it, but my DP came to understand and accept that DS would only settle with me mostly. He had seen from friends and family experiencet that his time would come. Guess what? It did! Without forcing the issue, either. And still, there are plenty of times that DS will still need only me for consolation. But he's only 2. Before I know it, he'll only want to follow Daddy into the shed for comfort and realise that 'shed time' is a good stress reliever.
It's not personal, it's biological that babies turn to mummies for comfort - it's programing! When there is no mummy around for tragic reasons, babies adjust and realise it's only Daddy that can tend to their needs. Otherwise, if there's a mummy, why deny her?
Sounds like you know what to do It's hard when Daddy feels a bit rejected and can't quite get beyond that to realising it's natural. Daddies definitely get their time (as well as grannies and grandads!).

[Charlyfrog]

Just a thought...........at settling time, or when your little one is struggling, how about you begin by holding her, as you know she will quieten but at the same time DH holds both of you so your little one is snuggled just as close to your DH's chest and then after doing that a couple of times, swap who holds her.....even exchanging during the cuddle but stay close. All the while tell her how lovely daddy is, how much you love him and he loves you AND your little one. Then slowly over time, start loosening your hold until you are maybe able to just lay your head on DH's shoulder with a hand on your daughter.........and so on.

It might sound like a crazy idea but we did this with DD#2 to a small degree and it seemed to help. With another little one to care for, I can't be strapped to DD#2 all the time and it seems silly if DH is there as DD#1 needs me as well and she's still little in her own right so I want DD#2 to learn that actually Daddy rocks just as much as mummy There are sometimes when I can't be there, ie if I had to head out in car etc and it did feel weird to see her sad but DH would say, as soon as I'm out of sight, within minutes she's like, mummy who? Now she waves and says, "Eee-yah!" Nice... lol!!!

Having said that, she is a bit older so that makes a difference, but just a thought anyways.

[Kristin27]

Just wanted to say thanks for the thread. I'm having the same issue with my 4 month old DD. Usually DH can settle her too, but sometimes she just loses the plot and cries and screams (yes screams!) if too many people are in her face goo-ing and ga-ing at her. It just annoys me how people (MIL) make me feel bad about it, like i've sheltered her and I have made her clingy to me - I haven't! I hope it's just a phase and if it's only me and DH that she feels safe with so be it.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Kristin, my mum made me feel I was doing something "wrong" too (and told me so in as many words).

But MiL annoyed me more. Every time DS cried, she started saying "waa, waa, waa". I mean, what was that about? But if DS's crying wasn't stressing me, MiL's annoying calls certainly were getting me ready to bite someone's head off.

Remind me of this when my children have babies please!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Every time DS cried, she started saying "waa, waa, waa". I mean, what was that about?

That is SO rude! Imagine if someone did that to her when she was upset! Also, it reminded me of one of the mothers in my mothers group...she does this to her daughter What kind of human being is she shaping, when she refuses to model empathy...or even sympathy? This is the kind of person who is terrified of anyone being reliant on her, even when it's the natural course of things (i.e. your offspring and their survival instinct!)...needless to say, she didn't think much of the breastfeeding relationship and it lasted only weeks (she hated being so at her daughter's disposal even from the beginning...interesting girl, just devoid of sentiment for some reason).
Anyway, RH, how bloody rude of your MIL, DS's 'loving' grandmother!