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Thread: Single child v sibling?

  1. #1
    justjesting Guest

    Red face Single child v sibling?

    Hi all

    At 35 years of age and after 30 of the years telling myself and others that I never will ahve children, I have a 7 week old. And I am heading back to OBGYN for follow-up check up next week. It is at this appointment that I plan on discussing contraceptives such as Mirena device and others having convinced myself that I was not going to have anymore children EVER.

    Recently though I have started to wonder if my son Levi will be lonely as a single child. I have heard comments from friends that say he will need a sibling to play with. I am fairly isolated on the Coast having left my family in Sydney including my nieces. Others tell me that Levi will be spoiled being an only child. Other friends tell me to stop at one because one child is easier to raise and spend time with, and as they grow is less of an inconvenience (fighting with siblings and time sharing etc).

    I am eager to hear from parents who have only 1 child and those who decided to multiply their family and why they made the decisions they did. I am leaning towards having another child but don't want to do it for the reason that Levi will be lonely. Other people's experiences will be good to hear about.

    Regards


  2. #2

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    I agree, having a child for the sake of a sibling for the child you have is silly.
    There are a lot of pros and cons to either situation - i guess you have to discuss this with your DH.
    My MIL was an only child, only had her mother (father died at war) and they had no family around. YOu can tell she is a only child. Very 'me, me, me' not in a spoilt way, but in way where i guess thats all shes had to contend with when she was younger - herself and her mum. She often admits how lonely and boring her childhood was. But this was 60 odd years ago. Society and lifestyles have changed.

    Travel, education, relationships, opportunites are endless for you, your partner and your DS should you choose to only have one child.

    I know a family with just one son. - he is 7 years ol. He and they are 'normal' family, going to sports of a saturday morning, taking him to the rugby league match of an afternoon. They are great parents and in no way is there son spoilt. Infact he's very confident and genuinely a nice little boy.

    Good luck with your decision......

  3. #3

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    Hi there,
    Firstly congrats on your new born
    i am probably not much help but this is my siltation.

    I have a 10 and 7 year old from previous marriage. Week on week off care. I also have a 3 year old just turned and in 13 sleeps a new born. My son the 3 year old strangely has a one child syndrome. Spoilt even tho we dont have lots to give except for loving. He gets around like he owns the place. Dont get me wrong i love the one on one time but i find he is all me me me me. So even having 2 extra siblings every second week just isnt enough so em and hubbie thought we would have another one. Forcing the 3 year old then to loose some of the me me me me me me me. I have no family nor friends in this state so am very isolated other than the Ex husband. We recently put the 3 year old in daycare for a few hours a week but even still see this whole its all about me. Hope fully having a full time sibling round will change that. and encourage share.

    I do hope that something here is sue full for you please feel free to message me if you have any questions

    on a side note its so much easier and cheaper to do things with less kids especially when isolated. But personally i have felt there is more joy in having kids than only having one. I come from a large family.

  4. #4

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    I am an only child - and I really think I was meant to be. My mum and dad would ask me all the time if I wanted a brother or a sister and I would ALWAYS say no. And even now I am nealry 30 (eekk!!) I have never thought I wanted one.

    I was not a spoilt child - even tho ppl asume that beacuse you are an only child you must be - my mum and dad taught me the value of money at a young age and as soon as I could I got a job so I could buy my own things.

    I have a brillant imagination (my mums words) and I was able to play by myself very well with no problems at all.

    So I think that ppl who have no sibblings are just as normal and well adjusted as ppl with - so dont feel like you have to have another child if you dont want to - you bub will be fine as an only!

    HTH
    Kate

  5. #5

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    My parents only planned to have 1 child..that being my sister....some 10.5 years later i was welcomed into the world. Lucky for mum she was only 33 at the time so wasnt 'oldish' to have kids in words 'to late'.

    I personally could never imagine having one child and im one of those people who say to myself and i joke with friends 'X needs a bro/sis to grow up and play with'. I planned 4-6 kids. i started at 23 and now at 25 preg with #3. My 1st DD was only 6 weeks old when i fell preg with DD2 and she was 110% planned. I could not dream if waiting any longer.

    DD2 was around 5 months old when i fell with #3 and that a big enough wait for me.

    We plan to *maybe* have #4 depending on the gender of this one now. I come from a small family, DH for a large family and for me perosnally hate small families and i want what i neverhad, lucky DH feels the same.

    My advice is do whats best for you, Dh and Levi, dont have another child just so he has some oen to play/grow up with. Spoil him as much as you want....kids are kids and are spoilt no matter what.

    My DD1 is well looked after by my IL's...being first born she had everything....DD2 is well looked after as well....but not as much. DH and i treat them equally. If i buy somehting for 1...the other gets a gift too....i cant have one without the other!

    All the best in your decision making. No one but you can make that choice!!

  6. #6

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    Hi, I was worried about the same thing as you can see we made the decision to go for number 2 and now number 3.

    They're are lots of different environments that you can introduce your son Levi into for example daycare, playgroup, occasional care ect. These will provide him with companionship and friendships filling his days with fun activities he can share with others......isn't that what having the second child does?

    Hope this helps to aid in your decision and don't ever feel bad about Levi being a single child, he'll have friends to play with and will manage to astonish you at every turn.

    Snoopea

  7. #7
    justjesting Guest

    Default Single child v sibling

    Thanks to all of you who replied to this post and for offering your experiences and information. I am certain I will figure out the situation for myself when commonsense prevails.

    I am appreciative of the support you offer and glad I aired my concern.

    Regards

  8. #8

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    Well, I come from a large family which I love and DH came from a small family which he hates, so we decided that we wanted to add to our family after having DS...

    I am soooo glad now that we have DD aswell, she has added such a different element to all of our lives and DS loves her to bits!! The way they interact is just beautiful, it has taught him to love unconditionally, share his toys and play gently! They both just love each other so much, it is hard to explain how much joy it is watching siblings play together!

    I did have plans for having more than one though, so we expected that all along... We are now thinking about a 3rd?!!?!


    Im sure the answer will come to you!! Good luck with everything!!

  9. #9

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    There's no right or wrong sized family.
    I love seeing my little boys playing together and giving each other hugs after a short seperation but having 2 pushes me pretty much to the limit of my abilities as a parent. Other people can juggle more children but I'm pretty sure I couldn't so for me 2 is ideal.
    I do think that a sibling is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children but if it's at the expense of our emotional or physical well-being then it's not such a great gift because children benefit from happy, healthy parents.

  10. #10

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    Yeah, I love watching the 2 of them play together.. well, as much as an 8 mth old can play at the moment hehe. And I can't wait until they really can amuse themselves together.. will keep DS out of my hair a bit! It's hard trying to get things done and getting him to amuse himself, so once DD is a bit bigger they can go and play (or fight if truth be known LOL) on their own sometimes.

    But there are soooo many family combinations.. numbers of siblings, different age gaps etc etc.. but they all seem to work And you find that a lot of people wish for more or less siblings regardless. I have an older brother (5yrs older) and I often wished our ages were closer so we could have hung out more together socially, or that I had a sister closer in age. People from large families can want less, or people from small familes can want a huge tribe. I'm sure you'll find what feels right for your family and make it work

  11. #11

    Default

    Depends on how you treat your child. My little sister acts like a stereotypical "only child" but my best mate is an only child and doesn't conform to the stereotypes at all. If DS is an only then I'd be happy if he grows up like that.

    You and your DH are the only people who can decide on the size of your family, not friends and relatives. You're the one living with it, not them.

  12. #12

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    hi justjesting and welcome to bellybelly!

    Congrats on your beautiful baby boy Levi! This topic is one very close to my heart so i felt that i should reply and offer you my opinions, ideas and experiences.

    When DH and I started trying for a baby we thought we'd have several children. It took a while to concieve then bub got sick and had an op at 3 weeks old. The first year of bubs life was really stressful due severe reflux and after ALOT of discussion, thinking, soul searching, we are both 100% happy with our decision to be a 1 child family and we have no doubt that Archie will have a wonderful life as an only. We have had countless comments thrust upon us telling us how cruel and awful we are not to give him a playmate and how sad Archie's life is going to be blah blah blah. These comments really hurt me when we were still in the decision making process, now that we are a happy 1 child family those sorts of comments i find laughable, or if im in a feisty mood i throw a great comeback at them, or the other day a certain colleague of my husband's just wouldn't let the subject go so he told her we can't have any more kids, that shut her up!
    I know there are alot of only hildren out there who will beg you to give your son a sibling so they don't grow up lonely and sad, but thats becuase they may not have had the good fortune to have fun involved parents in their lives. As a small family of 3, we have great exciting pl;ans for our future together which include a lot of overseas travel, something we wouldn't be able to afford with more than 1 child. The 3 of us are VERY tight knit and do everything together and i have no doubt that Archie will look back on his childhood and think it was pretty good even though he didn't have siblings.

    As an only child Levi wont know any better. He doesn't know what its like to have siblings, im sure there will be times when he imagines what life would be like with siblings, but as 1 of 4 kids there were several times i imagined what life would be like without siblings! Please try not to feel guilty about not "giving" Levi a sibling.

    The way i look at it is, i could have another baby just so that i don't have to feel guilty for having an only child, but it would be a child that i didn't really yearn for, it would be like a spare child for my son to play with. I think that you need way better reasons for having a child other than just to give your child a sibling.

    Think of the positivesw of an only:

    They get to have parents all to themselves
    No sibling rivalry
    They get to have their own room and own space
    They can have their friends over whenever they want and their siblings wont annoy them
    You dont' have to constantly split up fighting siblings
    You only have to worry about 1 child
    I could go on forever

    Anyway, that is only my opinion from my own feelings and experience. Only you can make the big decision and its really not a decision that needs to be made today. I think if you truly want another bub, then one day you will have an overwhelmiong urge and you will know for sure what is =right for you.

    All the best, try not to stress about this, i stressed to the max, but eventually came to a great decision, and you will too in time.

  13. #13

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    We have good friends whose 10 y.o. daughter is an only child by their choice, and like Widdly is planning with her little one, she is totally involved in their life. However, she is totally not spoilt - she can be a drama queen, but that is more her personality (e.g a tiny paper cut is a huge gash which requires blood transfusions, lol). They take her to most things, she even got to go to the Robbie Williams concert when she was 9! She's part of their lives and she is quite happy entertaining herself in an adult environment, so when we all get together for dinner, she will bring along activity stuff to keep her self amused, and she can sit for hours and do craft stuff. She still joins in with the conversation and wants to be a part of what is going on, but she isn't all me, me, me like you see with some kids - her manners are lovely. In fact, I hope our little one and any siblings we decide to have are as nice a child as she is, and I've seen children who have siblings who are much more spoilt and would not want my children turning out like them.
    It all depends on how you bring them up as to how they turn out, not whether they are only children or have a horde siblings!

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