I've seen both styles of parenting and both can work. I do a bit of both. The REALLY nice stuff is out of sight, let alone out of reach. The nice but cheapy and not sentimental stuff (and not easy to break!) is in sight and DS can reach these things now. I don't mind him touching IF he asks and we do it together. For the most part I tell him that we look with our eyes, not with our hands. But by letting him touch, supervised, he learns that these "toys" are pretty but boring. You can't build with them. They aren't magnetic. They don't make a noise. Mamma tells you not to put them in your mouth or throw them. Dull. Ignore them.
He is also keen on ownership, so although my things are often lying around, a good way of teaching DS was saying "that's Mamma's phone, would you like your phone?" then swapping them. He knows he doesn't touch my phone now: well, not unless we're out, he's bored and goes through my bag. Then he sits on my knee to play with it (so he doesn't call anyone!). Actually, he's REALLY good with not touching if I tell him it belongs to me or DH. And he doesn't go in cupboards unless he's getting food or putting things away. He does touch some of my books, but only those with bubbles on the cover. He loves reading cleaning books LMAO.
Mum childproofs for him a bit, but not so much any more. He is WAY more likely to attack the fruit bowl than her pretties. Actually, he loves Grandma's antimacassars... but weren't those designed as childproofing tools in the first place?
I started pretty much from birth. There are no precious things ground level. So by the time he was walking, he was too small to reach the mantlepiece so that wasn't a fuss. When he could, and when he could climb to reach the bookshelf in the sitting room, he was able to understand that not everything gets thrown.
BUT he was also a bit of an attached child (his choice!) so he could see these things. If he asked to see them, I would pick it up and remind him that it wasn't a toy before letting him touch. Like knives: he can help me cut things ONLY when I know it's safe. We have safe knives that won't hurt him, but I still do knife safety every time as sometimes he does use sharper objects (such as the apple wedger) that he needs to be careful with.
we're (trying) to do what LZ does - move the obvious stuff out of the way, and then teaching her what is and isn't ok to play with. she is fascinated by the phone - i let her talk on it when i'm talking to daddy or granma, but i always hold it and tell her it's mummy's phone. she likes to look at candle holders - so we look, but tell her they are not for her. we are trying to teach her that she can't have everything just because it appeals to her! having said that, it's taking a lt of teaching - she is a stubborn wench
i think i'd be upset with the grandmother in the OP - no matter how much the baby wanted something - there are things that are ok to show, things that are ok to touch - and some things that are simply TOO dangerous. the snowglobe was up, out of reach. ALL one year olds want to touch things - it doesn't mean it's right. there are so many ways to distract babies.
talk to your MIL. this episode is been and done now - you can't change it - but you can use it as a building block to set limits that she can abide by. make it clear - safety comes first. if something is out of reach, it's out of reach for a reason. if it's dangerous, it doesn't matter how much the baby wants it - she needs to distract her. hopefully you will be able to find out where the snowglobe was purchased and she may be able to replace it. it won't be the same as the original - but it's a thought...
i have to say, i really likeyour idea about not touching "pretties" and i honestly think i will start this with DD (she isnt moving around yet so i still have some time)
DH thinks the same thing as CL, he cant se why we should have to move everything, when we should be able to teach out child not to touch, so we will be doing this also.
I think your MIL was very on the wrong and you have every right so be mad at her. How is it a danger is she physically cant get to it? and it only became a danger when MIL GAVE it to your DD...
I taught my DD not to touch things, however the majority of our breakables are up out of reach anyway. My sister on the other hand put everything away so her DS wouldn't touch them, sure made it fun when she brought him over to my house...i think she regretted not listening to me after a while... lol... i'd tell her to make sure he didn't touch anything he wasn't meant to, which really annoyed her, but she soon learned that it was the same everywhere she went. Like was said earlier, you can't expect everyone to babyproof their houses just because that's what you do.
We subscribe to the don't touch theory. It is more exhausting for the parent but I think it's more rewarding because when you go elsewhere that isn't child friendly your children will listen and you can enjoy yourself more, rather than being on top of them 100% of the time. It is hard initially but it's definitely worth it
I can see both sides. I think what you're doing is fantastic - it works for you (it hasn't worked for me BTW, I just think some kids are good at not touching and some aren't and mine most definitely isn't).
However, I think MIL was just doing what grandmas do. DD wanted to play with something - instead of saying no, MIL thought 'oh we'll be careful, why not.' She probably just didn't want DD to be upset at a no. That's what grandparents do - they indulge their grandkids and they're not always completely sensible. So I'd cut her a bit of slack.
If I was in her shoes, I'd be nervous too because at the end of the day, I'm in someone else's house with breakable stuff and I have cute, adorable DD to look after who wants to play with the breakable stuff and I don't know how to say no.
So I think I'd give MIL a couple of options - tell her that you're fine with her telling DD no or if she feels nervous about potential tantrums/breakages, then offer to put them out of the way the next time she's over.
No-one's being silly here, everyone's just finding their way. Bound to be a couple of hurdles along the way but it sounds like things are generally going great!
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