Hi allyice, my theory with tantrums has always been to ignore them. Your DD is still very young, so I would be offering a distraction such as 'would you like to come over here and have a cup of water?' and if she doesn't respond and continues the tanty I would follow up with 'well, I'm just going to go over here and have a drink. You can come over and have some water when you're ready'. I think it's important at her age to stay within sight but to ignore the tantrum.
Are you and your DH able to sit down with your IL's and explain to them that this is how you have decided to deal with your DD's tantrums and that you would like them to deal with it in the same way?
Nothing will help my DD in a tantrum so I just ignore her. When she seems like she is starting to calm down, I ask her if she want's a cuddle. If she's not ready, the tantrum spikes again. If she is ready she will come to me for a cuddle. She doesn't do it much when other people are around but if she does, I just explain to them that she will have a cry and get over it in her own time regardless of what we do or say.
DS was different. He responded well to cuddles as a way to reduce the length or severity of the tantrum. I would say to him "do you need a cuddle?" He would nod, have a cuddle then be fine.
Given your description I think she is more like my DD and despite their best intentions, your IL's are making things worse. The only thing you can do is explain it to them that way. Unless your DD is hurting herself, there's no harm in letting her have a little cry to get her frustrations out. It is also teaching her to get in control of her own emotions in a safe place.
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