Those few first weeks, as a new mum with a newborn...

[Lolli]

Hi all,
Just a quick survey of us BB girls. I'm willing to bet that for every mum (or dad) who found the first few weeks of parenthood like a blissful babymoon, there is at least one of us who found it to be the hardest thing they ever, ever done (and possibly quite a few who think it was both).

So, what do you think? Is this one of motherhood's best kept secrets- the the first few weeks can be downright horrible? Was it horrible for you? Were you warned beforehand, how very difficult it would be? (And would you have believed them, had they told you?)

[Rouge]

The blissful part is true... but it is also HELL ON EARTH!

Having a newborn is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. In fact I think a lot of people would rather go through birth again in a trade for a few hours sleep and the ability to eat a warm meal.

Most people don't get warned, and a lot of people who do get warned think it's all horror stories and "my baby won't be like that". People don't realise the cold hard truth of hormones, the fact that our partners don't always hear the baby, or know what to do with it and we generally can't do it all on our own and sometimes babies cry not because they are broken or you have done something wrong but just BECAUSE.

But yeah they're still cute, and I wouldn't give it up for nuthin'... but I'm done and I'm glad LMAO!

[~Kim~]

Exactly what ROuge said....though if someone had forewarned me - well i would have thought they were just poopoohing my vision.

I was so heavily clouded by AND/PND with Darcy that I don't actually remember much - but that's the horrendous bit.

[Michelle71]

The blissful part is true... but it is also HELL ON EARTH!

:yeahthat: I love the feeling of adoration, amazement and pure love that we created this little human. That we created the miracle of life

And then there is the other part The constant sleep deprivation, the breastfeeding difficulties that lasted 6w plus, the overwhelming exhaustion, the hormonal shifts and changes, the adjustment to a new person and to a new relationship with your partner .....

I love it and wouldn't change a thing (in fact we are going to do it again ) but my goodness it is hard work and part of the transition to parenthood you just don't get until you get there.

[Janie]

I was kind of thinking about this last night. But more along the lines of "WHY oh WHY do we have to contend with all the hormonal stuff, while recovering from birth, learning about our new baby, and being more sleep deprived than ever!!!!". I honestly think that the hormone rollercoaster makes it sooooooo much harder.

I can't comment on the hard yards that some mums do with newborns........despite having my baby 5 weeks early (unexpectedly), having massive feeding and weight gain issues, and having a broken foot myself, I still had the blissful babymoon. And I guess I can thank my hormones in part for that . But my DH also had a wonderful babymoon, we were hopeless together crying, happily, over everything little thing. And I also was lucky enough to mostly have really great support networks.........I really do think that helps.

But we did have the hard yards down the track.......so we didn't totally escape . We were just fortunate I guess that we didn't struggle too much in the early daze.

As for next time, well we'll just have to wait and see! Could be a whole different kettle of fish!!!!!

[Amaunet]

I was told a few things about those first weeks - mostly bad

eg: "They were the darkest 6 weeks of my life"
"It was like living in a fog"
"I felt like I had lost myself"

So I was expecting it to be horrendous(especially because I LOVE to sleep and love to be "in control")...and it wasn't It certainly had its challenges - mainly due to my extreme anxiety - but because breastfeeding was working and he didn't seem to have wind problems - our babymoon was pretty good - but I know how lucky I was/am - and am very grateful. I have found the 3-4 month sleep regression MUCH harder.

I think if I had the feeding/wind challenges many babies have - my experience would have been very different. to the mums who have coped with these things!

[MrsB26]

TBH, it wasnt as bad as what i thought it would be. I remember telling anyone who would listen that i thought it would be harder. I must have gotten the worst horror stories beforehand.

Yes, breastfeeding was terribly painful but the sleep deprivation wasnt that bad. I just slept when he slept and yes i am one of those people who can slepp anywhere anytime so it wasnt really an issue for me. Ds wasnt a baby who had wind issues or colic or just cried 'because' so i was lucky there. He was a pretty textbook newborn (if there is such a thing) - eat, sleep, poo.

I found the challenges to come around 4 months. Trying to establish routine, crying at 7pm every night for an hour, not wanting to sleep etc. That's when i started to find it ALOT harder andthis continued until about 8 months. Not horrible all the time but i just found it a bit challenging.

So for me, our babymoon was actually quite lovely and fingerscrossed for the next one to be the same

[MrsB26]

Controlfreak - just actually read your post and sounds like we had the same deal

[butterfly_warrior]

My experience was very similar to Janie's - four weeks early and all he wanted to do was sleep. We were often waking him for feeds during the first six weeks or so.

I do realise that a lot of my experience with Sam as a newborn at home was set by spending ten days in SCN in a very structured routine (but he stuck to it when we left) and by realising two weeks in that breastfeeding was never going to work for us and switching to formula full-time. I also don't really recall any wild hormonal swings, but hormones are one area where my body just doesn't do what it's meant to.

I did find the lack of sleep hard, but I have a very supportive husband who did a lot of night feeds for me.

BW

[aussienic]

I personally found those first few weeks just so easy. I had DH home.. We work well as a team.. I was on a high from having welcomed this new little being into the world.. I did find around 3-4 months was when the utter exhaustion set in lol..

Of course it wasn't all plain sailing but I am talking an overall feeling.

It was different with our Ds2 as he was sick but we were still on a high once we got him home

[Queen]

With DD1 it was down-right horrible, DD just cried, never slept, did not feed properly. I was so tired (18hr labour) and never got a chance to catch up with DD never sleeping, not to mention a PPH and shocking birth trauma. It took a good 4 months before I could look at her and not resent her Not that she would have ever known it, as I still hugged and kissed her all the time, in hope the loving feeling would come, and it did.
With DD2, is was totally different, I did not have an instant bond, I just did 'what had to be done' so to speak. I just went through motions for first few days. (I went home 6hrs after birth)Then everything fell into place I was calm cool and relaxed about the whole thing, and she is an awesome baby.
So first few weeks/months varied greatly between girls. I am not sure, if it was just more me knowing what to do second time round or what.

[maz]

I barely remember the first 6 weeks of DS number 3's life it was a blurred version of expressing, being away from my other kids and making residence at the Royal Childrens. I use to sit and watch him sleep until he was a good 4 months because I was so scared that he would have more strokes and would die without me near him as I was told if he made it to the 3 month mark we would be lucky.

In all honesty it was the worst out of all my baby moon's....and its just something that is to painfully to think about let alone want to chanch having to do again .

Yes Cai...Hell on earth...your dam right hon

[Megan]

I'm one that thought it was going to be a lot harder than it was. It wasn't easy, but I did have DH home for 5 weeks and he did everything other than feed DS in that time. If I didn't have him there to help me as much as he did, things would have been a lot different. DS always settled easily, I didn't experience any crazy hormonal changes that had me in tears like many people warned. I remember saying to DH after about 3 weeks that this was easy! He rolled his eyes at me! lol he was more exhausted than me I think because he was up for the night feeds changing nappies and then doing all the cooking/housework during the day.
It took 3 weeks to establish breastfeeding and that's the main thing that sticks out in my mind as being the hardest part of having a newborn.

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

i enjoyed the first two weeks of the babymoon when all DD did was eat and sleep she didn't cry and was very placid - THEN all of that changed and from 3 weeks of age to about 10 weeks of age i hated it - yes, hated it. i thought i would never sleep or feel normal again and whilst i love and adore my DD i actually wished the newborn stage away - i often say to my Doula and my DH that I would do labour and birth over and over and over again if someone would take the first 6-10 weeks.

[kelebek]

I'm another one who is scared off number 2 because of the NB stage and the first 12 mnths quite frankly.
It was not blissful for me at all and if felt like I could have given him away in those early months but knew I would regret it the moment I did... I have never been soooo conflicted in my whole life. I think it took at least 12 mnths until I actually got it that he was my son and I was his mother and stopped questioning it.

[kitten2b]

my girls were both in the SCN for 4 weeks each being premmie so I found those weeks just a maze of milking, trying to teach these little babies to feed, anxious weight gains and losses and trying to comprehend that they would let you take such small babies home. At home all structure that was in hospital went kaput and was just a mess of sleepless nights and days. After about 3 months the fog lifted and I really began to enjoy my girls

[danniellabella]

One of the reasons I went back to full-time work when DD was 4.5 months old is because I wasn't happy and didn't like that stage at all. I've enjoyed being a mum a lot more since I went to work

[AliBaby]

Great thread.

I did feel all the blissful feelings and thnak goodness for that as physically I felt like I was experiencing a 6 WEEK HANGOVER!!!!!

My body was only just functioning but I tried to stay as positive as I could for my own sake.

A very wise BB member in my Belly/baby buddies group named Det (who had previously had twins) gave us some great advice and that was "that it is just a phase". SO TRUE!!! (love you Det!) That helped me heaps!