Tips on dealing with a drama queen

[Arimeh]

Ok guys, I need your best hints and suggestions on how to deal with a tantrum drama queen cos he is seriously doing my head in, and I'm just doing a really crappy job at mothering here.

He tantrums over EVERYTHING. For example, he had a sticker book just before, and no matter how many times I tell him that he can't do it (and I have told him a LOT) he tries to pick off the pictures in the book - not the stickers. And then cracks the biggest mental when he can't pick the picture off the pages. And he just loses it - and then I lose it at him cos it makes me frustrated that he gets like this. Especially when I have told him sooo many times that the pictures are just like ones in his books - you can't get them off the page. So I ended up throwing the book over my shoulder (yup mature I know, but I was soooo fed up) and he started screaming and I'm telling him to be quiet because his sister was asleep. She has been quite hard to settle lately and off her bottles, so I'm worried about her - and I don't like her sleep being disturbed because of a little cranky so and so.

He is cranky all the time. from the moment he wakes up. Doesn't take much for him to chuck a big tanty - over nothing usually. Sometimes he can just drop a car that he was holding and thats enough for his to lose it.

I really don't know how to deal with this behaviour. I hate myself that I don't like spending time with him because I can't deal with him, and then I feel even more guilty because i love spending time with DD because she is such a pleasant lovely little thing - always smiling, happy, cheerful - the complete opposite to Mr Grumpy Head.

Help me please to enjoy my little boy. Cos at the moment - I think I'd like to give him away to a good home.

[Tannis]

Oh big for you Mel, Jayden went through (and still is) all that. I get so frustrated too! Have you tried a time out chair or spot in the house where he can just chill out few 5mins or so? I have found that yelling doesn't work, just makes him worse (and I get the 'ol Shhh Ashee asleep ) A just doesn't know how to express himself properly yet, easy to say when J is being good atm but I completely sympathise with your frustrations! I know its hard too but can you just ignore it? Or put him in his room and tell him to have a cry and come out when he is ready? I have done that with J and its worked (not everytime). Hope he grows out of it real soon!

[Epacris]

More massive hugs from me too

My DS is pretty good and we don't have that many tantys (yet? touch wood). When we do have tantys it is almost always because he's hungry, tired or bored, so I try to deal with those issues first.

So, when it's a drama queen proper tanty, I don't know if this is the "right" thing to do but this is what I do, and DH too so it's a consistent message from both of us. I turn my back on him and walk away. This is of course as long as I know he will be safe, if it is not safe, say we're in a shopping center or he's doing something dangerous, I make the situation as safe as possible, then make no eye contact and have a totally blank expression on my face and just get on with whatever I need to get on with. So he gets absolutely no attention, no negative attention, just no attention at all or bare minimum attention until he's calmer. Then I go and comfort, comfort, comfort, distract, distract, distract. Oh and of course "model" the behavior I want to encourage, try, try, try as hard as I can not to chuck tantys myself (very hard sometimes I know).

[christy]

hun it can be the age as well... it will get better!

Jovie is 2 and cracks the poo's all the time. I think most of it has to do with being misunderstood and unable to understand when something "can't" happen. Today she drank the last of her water and then screamed about it and refused to give me the cup to refill. I remember Matilda used to get so worked up she would hold her breath until she passed out.

I think the biggest thing is that once you've said "No sorry, those don't come off" twice or three times, walk away. Remember there is nothing more you can do. Put an ipod in with block out ear phones....

Tantrums are normal. They have to have them in order to learn how to process emotions. There are ways of avoiding tantrums and over emotional behaviour. Mainly they are making sure they aren't tired, hungry, wet/dirty, or thirsty. Once you have all of those accounted for, there isn't much more you can do to stop a tantrum before it starts.

Somethings that help to lessen the longetivity are... turn off tv, radio, loud noises in the house. Turn down lights, close windows etc... any sensory stimulation can prolong tantrums... so try to take away the obvious ones as those just exacerbate the situation.

Call a friend and take your attention away from the situation. More for your stress than his!!! Call me, I'm used to hearing screaming

Its exhausting though... I know when Matilda is actually going okay, Jovie is screaming right now! URGH! Sometimes you have to acknowledge that you are doing all you can do. Its not you!

Is Aricyn eating much? Have you started supplementing his diet? I think thats another thing I would make sure to do. Matilda didn't eat much or well, I used In-Liven in her chocolate rice milk and found that helped her and soon she started eating.

[MantaRay]

Mel, I second what Christy said. DS2 is just like that too. I am sure it is partly the age, partly the personality. We were so lucky that DS1 wasn't a tanty thrower, but it left us totally unprepared for one who is. As Christy described, I find with DS2 that he will be so upset that he doesn't even know what he wants anymore. Like if he's crying for water and I give it to him when he's already worked up, he'll throw the cup and say "no". But once he's calmed down he'll take it and drink it.

The one thing that nearly always works for T is giving him a sheet or pillow case to put against his cheek. This is the only thing he will use as a comforter and luckily it does work over 90% of the time. The tricky thing is remembering to always have a pillow case in my bag when we go out. Because if I don't have one, we WILL need it LOL!

[Arimeh]

Tan - thank you We haven't tried the time out part really, I know a couple of times where the tantrums just weren't ending and I thought I was going to go nuts I would put him in his room and leave him there to calm down. He usually comes out all happy and smiling and sneaks up to me and says "helllloooooo mummy" like nothing has happened!!! Makes me feel so guilty for getting angry at him.

Rach - yeah I know I have to work on my temper too. DH is the same. All of us have really short fuses (especially since we are both working so hard at work, plus trying to keep the house together!) so we probably aren't a very good combination. We are trying to keep our cool though, and we are doing much better than we were before. Still hard though - must be the red hair in our blood.

Christy - I would love to call you - don't have your number I know you understand and you always make me feel like I'm doing a good job, and that I'm not alone. Thank you. He is actually eating much better these days - its been amazing actually - although I don't think he ate alot today. He didn't want his dinner anyway.

Mel - I get that alot too - the "I know what I want, but I'll change my mind the second you get it for me" stage - yup, know it well!!! I might try to give him something like a comforter - maybe his puppy dog would help that he sleeps with?

Thanks guys. Its not been a good night. And DH is out at his work xmas party so I've had to do it all myself - big shock to the system I guess!!!!

[westy]

Oh Mel


Firstly please dont be so hard on yourself, it's not easy dealing with toddlers who are throwing tantys all the time . I understand how frustrating it can be at times.

The best thing you could probably do at the moment is try and explain to him in age appropriate terms as to why he can't do whatever it is he is trying to do( in this case pull the pictures off the book pages). If he doesn't settle down remove the book or problem from him and walk away and leave him to think about it for a minute.

[Ozziehoffy]

Firstly, to you... secondly, I had to giggle.... sorry hun. Oskar tries to pick the pictures out of the books too!! Sometimes there are days when I just lose it - that's completely normal - we get tired, we lose patience, we get hormonal, etc etc etc etc...... I think those are the days we need to just forget about "the house isn't clean, washing needs doing" etc and just let it be... just sit with them and be with them. Does that make sense?? Also, I do the try not to make eye contact thing too, cos then they KNOW they have got your attention. Some kiddies just find it harder to express themselves than others... they are learning what emotions are and they quite often don't know how to deal with them. He will get through it hun and you will too! In the meantime call the rspca...lol...free to good home KIDDING!!

[Kirst11]

Oh {{{hugs}}} honey. Tantrums really aren't easy to deal with, but you have received some really good advice.

I will be honest ( ) but I myself was a tantrum thrower. I even remember lying on the floor screaming thinking "why isn't anyone paying any attention to me?" So when DD1 was about 18-20 months and started throwing tantys, I had no problem stepping right on over her and ignoring her. I went straight to the phone and called my mum and apologised for ever throwing a tantrum. She heard the ruckus in the background and laughed.

So I agree with the advice that if he is safe and can do no harm to himself or others, just let him go. He will calm down in time. And turning off distractions definitely helps.

In my experience/opinion, I don't think that the naughty spot will really help as this is more a frustration thing than a behavioural thing. He's in a bit of a limbo. He's old enough to know what he wants to do, but not quite old/developed enough to actually do it.

It will get better. Trust me.
But in the meantime, deep breaths, lots of BB and plenty of coffee.
Good luck.

[Arimeh]

But in the meantime, deep breaths, lots of BB and plenty of coffee.
Good luck.

Thank you so much for making me laugh tonight

I needed that

[MantaRay]

Mel. It is always harder without your other half there to support you. DS2 just woke up screaming and it took me ages to calm him. Usually if that happens DH can calm him within a minute. But anything I do always make it worse. What is it with dads?

ETA That would probably make more sense if I mentioned that my DH is out at a Christmas party too.