Tips needed on "Big Bed" issues

[Nadine216]

Ok, so we have a big girl in the house that are sleeping on her own BIG BED She even refer to the cot as Bennie's bed (aww sweet)

BUT I need help on the following:

How do you keep them from climbing off the whole time
She climbs off and I will eventually go and lay down with her

How do you get them to go to sleep while laying next to them
She sings, worms around, talks to me, give me kisses and hugs

Thing is ... eventually it ends with me being stern and her throwing a tanty ... me giving her a pat on the bottom (she keeps kicking me on the boob or in the belly), her crying a while, her saying "sorry mommy", her giving kisses and EVENTUALLY after 40 minutes of madness ... she will fall asleep. Then it is SOOO way past her bed time that she does not get the amount of rest that she is used too.

Yesterday I told DH to take us for a drive at 7:15, she was impossible. Crying over everything, throwing tanty's .. just plain over tired. We got home with a sleeping baby at 7:30 and she had a good sleep (woke two times) till 7:20 this morning She is a different person today.

There MUST be a trick to this ... please, PLEASE, pretty please ... there must be!!

Ps. we have only been at this for a week ... I have HUGE amounts of patience ... I think ... I hope

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I haven't been in this situation myself yet but one thing I heard from other ladies was to offer her a reward after, say, 7 nights of sleeping in the big bed. Only if she doesn't throw big tanties but! If you keep reinforcing that big girls hop into their beds and don't have tanties etc. then reward her (though the reward could come from 'The Big Bed fairy' or something), after that she should be in the habit of sleeping in her bed without too much fuss. Mebbe. Hopefully :P

[paradise lost]

Well i don't stop DD getting up and i don't lie down with her. If she gets up i put her back. Some nights i have to do it 20 times, most i have to do it once, sometimes i don't have to do it at all. When she was tiny, yes, i had to do it alot, but eventually they get it - if i get up i will be put back down, again and again, because it is bedtime and bedtime means we lie down and go to sleep.

I figure she's just checking i'm still there. Also i had to take the side off her cot at about 13 months because she could climb out and it was dangerous, so she's been able to get up and come to see us for a LONG time if she wants to. I think she really just tries her luck and finds every. single. time. that mama told the truth - it really IS bedtime.

At bedtime i put her in the shower or bath, get her out, put her into PJ's, lie in bed with her and read her 3 books, sing her bedtime song with her and then i get up, tuck her in, kiss her good night, put the lights off and leave. Most nights she will put her lights back on and come out looking for me once. I return her to bed, tuck her in and kiss her goodnight again, turn the lights off and go. If she does it more than twice i sit and cuddle her on the edge of the bed (we call it a "come 'ere" huggle) for a bit and ask her what time it is, she will reply "It's BEDtime" and i say "Want to get into bed and go to sleep then?" and she says "ok" and then she usually stays. I think some nights she just needs a little extra mumma-time. If i've given her a "come 'ere" and she's STILL getting up i reduce my chat to minimal "night night honeypie" as i turn the lights off so she's not getting any exciting or entertaining interaction from getting me to come put her back to bed. She hardly EVER gets up more than 4 times.

I would be wary of anyone smacking (at all in fact but especially) at bedtime. When you tap and she cries her body gets a rush of adrenalin, making it really hard for her to fall asleep, and making your job ultimately much more difficult. IME successful bedtimes revolve around routine, calm and relaxed interaction and a happy loving vibe. Laughter releases endorphins, which makes them sleep, if she's messing about you need to allow the happy vibe to continue while directing the action to what you need her to do. If DD is wriggling about i tell her she's too wriggly for stories she must be ready for sleep, and then she lies still because she wants to hear her stories! If she's bouncing on the bed i hold her hands and let her bounce for a bit and then i say "ok, bounce into bed little bouncer, it's time for sleepins!" and she does. Try to suggest what you want her to do as if it's the OBVIOUS next step and she'll be less likely to question it. Why is mumma going away? Because it's bedtime of course! Why is DD still in bed? Because it's bedtime of course! Say it gently, with a smile, she's still learning about the ways of the world. Imagine her as a body of inland water and bedtime is the ocean - build her a river with enough meandering that you don't get white water, and good steep sides so she can't divert! Remember that the end result (DD asleep and peaceful at a reasonable time) is the important thing, and how it happens is only important if it works. I used to try to get DD all arranged in bed before stories and annoyed if she wanted to bounce or wriggle between the shower and the story time, but in fact she often sleeps best when she's got the last of her pants ants out before she lies down. The happier you can make bedtime (without hysterical laughing fits!) the easier it will be for her to fall asleep.

Bx

[Astrolady]

Persevere I think is the key LOL. Kameron my oldest used to get up heaps of times but after a week or so he got the hint that if he got up i was just going to put him back to bed again and he stayed there. I never laid down with him, but sat in the same room so he knew I was there and as nights went buy gradually got closer to the door.

Love

[Nadine216]

Neenee - Thanks that is a great tip ... thing is that dd does not yet "understand" us completely. She is only 21 months and although she is starting to chat up a storm, she does not get it all yet, kwim?? But I'll try!!

Bec - I was hoping you'll come and tell me again!! Thanks for the advice ... I'll try and establish a better routine. ATM we don't do stories in bed, it might be a good idea. And I'll try and get her to understand what bedtime means.
About the spanking ... I do agree with you. I told DH over the weekend that it feels sooooooo bad to let her go to sleep after I spanked her. (ok, spanking is such a bad word, I really only lightly pat her on the bottom ... it can't possibly hurt through the diper) But I believe in spanking, was brought up that way and feel that spanking should be done properly ... with love and an explanation. It's the last bit that I feel bad about, because dd can't fully understand yet. That is why I need these tips ... to help me get her to bed happy and fuzzy feeling, kwim??

Astrolady - My perserverance depends on my mood ... and if I felt anything like I did last night, Oh man, I just want to pop her back in the cot and let her stay there till she is like 16 or something.

It did go better last night, it only took about 30 minutes And she actually slept through!!

[paradise lost]

I think 30mins is pretty good hun, my bedtime routin takes about 40minutes from the shower to shutting the door after lights out. You're doing great - it's as you say, she's only teeny, she'll get it soon enough!

Bx

[Nadine216]

OMG Bec ... not 30 minutes from bath till sleep I only wish

30 minutes from bed to sleep Atm I take about 30 minutes just to bath, play and dress. I'm feeling like I'm doing everything in slow-mo with this belly in the way!!