two kids....what are positives and negatives of having another one?

[queenbee]

Just interested to hear what are the positives and negatives are of having two kids? We have a lovely DD and swore we wouldn't go again. But she is growing...and part of us thinks maybe a second one would be nice. It is getting easier with her now but this first year has been mighty hard with the sleeping thing and we never were interested in having more.

We are not 100% sure though. I can't believe in only one month, my opinion has changed about having more!!!

[mbear]

I dont think there are enough hours in the day to list the positives of having another. And the negatives....well, TBH i cant really think of any.

One thing i will say is, when you hear two of your little ones playing, laughing, giggling, and you peak around the corner and see one is tickling the other, or brushing the others hair, or helping one put the others shoes on....then you kinda know.......

[Salsa]

There will be a 6 year age gap between ours, mostly because after DS was born we just were not sure if we wanted another one.

Then we got busy with other things and now we have a gap that I feel a bit sad about. As Mbear said, even though we dont have the giggling, secrets etc I am aware that Ds has missed out on that. Actually I feel awful about it. I hope that if we go on to have a 3rd (which I think we will - no point at this age and what we have done last time to put it off again till we are 'sure') that it will be within a few years of this one thats due soon.

But thats me, Im sure it different for everyone, but saying that, even those I know who had another by mistake, didnt end up regretting it.

[Antheia]

Pros: (mostly when out of the baby stage though)
They have a mate to play with
Learn to share earlier
Gives them a distraction when you need to do something (like go to the toilet!)
#2 seems to walk and talk earlier to keep up with #1
There's never a boring moment.
More love to give!

Cons:
If they are close like mine are (22mth gap) it's hard at the ages of 4 and 2. Both have tanties and like to push bounderies.
Again, if they are close, hard to look after a newborn and a toddler that needs your full attention.
There's the jealousy factor because both want 100% attention, 100% of the time.
Fighting over toys/food/drink/mummy/daddy etc.

Although i would not change any of it for the world. Maybe that's why i'm doing it again!(but with a 28mth gap this time.)

[Salsa]

Pros:
There's never a boring moment.

I`m sure! ...and probably not many quiet ones either

[Antheia]

Yeah your right about being no quiet ones either! lol Except when they are both napping which happens about every 2 months if that!

[Nai]

Not that #2 has arrived yet but DD loves to kiss & hug the baby (through the belly) and plays doctors with my belly, listening to the heartbeat, taking my blood pressure etc with her little doctor kit. She comes to my OB appointments and is so excited - it's incredibly cute!

[Lucy]

I'll be totally honest here, sometimes I fantasise about having just one. My 3 are all very close together and at the stage they are all at currently, they dirve me bonkers and I often wistfully think of how calm and peaceful life would be like if I was just caring for just one.

BUT, despite all that, I wouldn't change a thing. The moments of affection, the moments of giggles, seeing them all in a pile cuddling together and laughing and playing.....makes all the chaos worthwhile.

[krisp]

When our DS was 11 months old we decided it was 'time" and I fell pregnant immediately. At the time I was scared to death how I'd cope and even after DD was born I was still scared how I'd cope. It's now 12 months down the track and witnessing the delight my two see in each other makes me realise we did the right thing having 2 and having them close together.
Last night in the bath (they always bath together) DS discovered the pure joy of wrapping his arms around his sister to keep her still and blowing big fat wet rasberries on her back. They were both squealing with laughter, it was great just to be there to watch such innocent childhood happiness.

In my humble opinion, one child is a blessing, two more than doubles that blessing.

[widdly]

krisp - that little story of your bubs in the bath made me well up, so beautiful!

[LuluHB]

Definite cons

- stretching your time and attention between two so that you frequently are drowning in guilt that one of your babies is going without whatever
- more sleeplessness for you and DH
- longer impact on your life when you really can't do a lot of the things you used to do (eg going out for dinner with an 18 month is NOT fun!)
- lots more money
- lots more mess

Pros
- Watching your two beautiful daughters playing and laughing with each other.
- Sitting on a chair with both your babies wrapping their little arms around you and snuggling in
- Realising that despite all your fears that you just wouldn't be "enough" for another child, your heart swells with an almost painful amount of love for your family.

[queenbee]

thanks everyone for your replies. i can't believe how quickly we've changed our mind, must have been a week and our view was different. i am so scared though and hoping i can handle two! why on earth do i doubt myself?

[widdly]

You doubt yourself because you are a woman. We love to second guess ourselves!

[Liz]

aww... good for you. You'll love it

It's funny, reading people's pros & cons.. some of the 'definite' cons I disagree with, and some of the pros of having one, I could have flipped around to be a pro for having 2. Like never having to share a bedroom - they GET to share a bedroom! hehehe.

It's so different for everyone and their situation, but I guess you rarely hear of people regretting having more kids, so it can't be all that bad

Oh, I also wanted to add.. no matter which way you go, the kids will miss out on something. Single children get one on one time, but at the cost of no sibling time, and those with sibling time have less one on one time with mum/dad. At least tho with siblings the mum & dad can work on the one on one time.. so you can at least work on achieving more of both, where a single child won't have sibling time at all. Depends what's more important to your family dynamic I guess.