thread: Ugh, need to vent a little.

  1. #1

    Oct 2008

    Ugh, need to vent a little.


    Not sure if this is the right place to post this but I need to get it out and get feedback from people who actually know what they are talking about.

    I was chatting to my mother this morning on skype (my family are all back home in Scotland). She doesn't agree with our co-sleeping arrangements and thinks that we are creating a spoiled pampered little girl who won't leave our bed. We bought a cot this week (for other reasons, not because my mother told me to) and she seems "happy" with that. But it was her comment this morning that had me in tears of FRUSTRATION. She said that little one needs to get out of our bed because - and I quote - "she should be sleeping through the night by now".

    Um, excuse me??????? My baby is exclusively breast fed and forgive me if I'm mistaken but I thought that babies needed feeding in the night until at least a year???????

    AAAARRRGGHHHH! Why can't people (specifically mothers) just be quiet? She was over here for 3 weeks when missy was 4 weeks old and one day I was "doing a great job" and the next I was "spoiling her" (for picking her up when she was crying).

    Sorry people, just needed to vent. I am feeling soooo good at the moment about how things are going with my baby - I feel like I'm really getting the hang of it all and know what she needs and what is best for her - I hate how one comment from my mother can make me dwell on it and feel like [email protected]

    Thanks for reading.
    Sue x

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria

    i'll tell you a secret- my bub doesn't 'sleep through the night' either. And i don't care either! She and i are happy, why should anyone else care? i think its wierd how everyone keeps asking that question.

  3. #3

    Oct 2008

    I know!!! It's like a failure on my part or something. But the thing is - she DOES sleep through the night in baby terms - since we got her into her 8pm bedtime routine, she wakes for a feed at 11pm and then sleeps through till 4.30am!!! THAT is sleeping through as it's more than 5 hours. My mum means 7pm-7am and I tell you - I'd be more than a little disturbed and worried if missy did that!!!

    Sorry, I'm ranting again hehe.

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006

    It is weird! Like you can rate your peformance as a parent based on how well your baby sleeps.
    Try to let it go Sue - mums will do this. well, not all mums I'm sure, but mine did. I think it's a combination of trying to be helpful and getting a little bit defensive about their children making different parenting chioces to them. My mum stopped after a little while and has since come round - I hope yours wil too.

    ETA - wow, your baby is an awesome sleeper!

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2006
    Adelaide, SA

    Sue, firstly big

    Well meaning family can often be so very frustrating. My best advice to you is to listen to them and take on board only what you want to take on board.

    Babies are all so different, some may sleep through from the day you bring them home, others (like my son!) won't sleep through until they're 18 months.

    There are many different ways of parenting as well, I co-slept with DS as well and hated hearing how I was creating a rod for my back, but I guess I just got used to the comments and just smiled and nodded at them all the while thinking I know better, and I did. Do what YOU feel is right

    You're doing a great job!

  6. #6
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Oct 2007
    Outer South East Melbourne :)

    Try not to let her comments get you. My DD didn't "sleep through" until she was nearly 10 months and even now, just shy of 18 months she still does wake up over night! its just how it is with some bubs.

    You are doing a great job and don't let your mum (or anyone else!) tell you otherwise, as only you know your bub best

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria

    I hear ya!

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2009
    In my own little fantasy world

    It sounds like you're doing great! My baby doesn't sleep through either and never has and he's 17mo! Most night's I'm lucky if he goes 4 hours without waking.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2008
    in my head

    hehe Rowellen I was coming in to post the same thing. Sue, your bub sleeps better than mine and he's nearly 16 months old

    You will always get comments from somewhere, regardless of what you or your baby is doing. It does seem to hurt more when it comes from family, esp your own mum though. I agree with pp that sometimes they can feel (uneccessarily) defensive that you're making a different choice to them. I have found in my situation that the best way to manage it is to try to avoid discussing sleep altogether, unless with people I know will understand and be supportive and non-judgemental etc.

    Could you try to gently educate her about normal baby development and sleep patterns? Or perhaps just say next time she askes that missy is 'sleeping through' - cause you're right, technically for her age, she is sleeping through.

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2010

    My mum gave me the same comments regarding our co-sleeping with DD. Initially I let it bother me... then I realised it was none of her business!! I told her that we were very happy co-sleeping and that I was surprised that our sleeping arrangements concerned her at all. I continued to shrug off her negative comments and we co-slept very happily until DD was over 4. My mothers head just about spun around on her neck and exploded!!! Your doing a great job - do what suits you, your DH and your DD... and bugger everyone else!!

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2008
    Near the Snowies!

    my mum is the same...DD still wakes once, if not twice a night, and after the first wake up she usually ends up in our bed because she won't go back to sleep in her cot. I'd rather have her snuggled in bed with me than spending 2 or 3 hours in the middle of the night trying to get her back to sleep in her cot!

    I now just ignore her "advice", she thinks DD should be sleeping 7pm-7am too, and I feel like saying well you take her for a night and see how you go trying to do that!

  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2005

    Well if you're after 7pm-7am, that almost sounds unbelievable!

    My DD is four and has always been a great sleeper - but she still toddles in to sleep with us after 5am, until at least 7am. Some nights she pops in even earlier. I love it, snuggling up to her. I see how quickly she's growing up and I know our snuggling in bed together days won't last forever.

    Sounds like you're very happy with the way things are in your household, except for unwanted comments by visitors!

  13. #13

    Oct 2008

    Thanks for your support and letting me rant guys.

    My mum is very closed minded and her way is the only way - the thing is, every time she tries to give me "advice" she follows up with saying "but I had help" (ie her mother and sisters). I am over in Australia alone with no family. I have friends but that isn't the same. Don't get me wrong, this is a choice we have made and I actually wouldn't have it any other way but geez!! I think that we're doing not too badly!

    Plus, when I do something with little one, as in parenting etc, I research it to death - the co-sleeping, breastfeeding etc. Mum just thinks that I am this new age hippy parent who is going to have a small child running rings round us doing whatever she wants. That is soooo not the case - what I am doing is trying to bring up a child who is LOVED, well balanced (unlike me who suffers from anxiety....) and confident!!

    Hehe, I'm ranting AGAIN! I just emailed DH at work to tell him about the altercation.
    Sue xxx

  14. #14
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2008

    i hate to think what your mum would make of me then! my DS is 1 & wakes up 5-6 times a night!! and he & i co-sleep on a mattress on his bedroom floor - the horror!!

    but seriously, i think you already know that it's not realistic advice & i completely understand your frustration. i think sometimes people have forgotten what it's like to have a baby & even if they haven't, they've forgotten that not only all babies are different but all parents are different too & we do what we feel is right for our families.

    seems to me like you're doing a wonderful job

  15. #15
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2005
    Sunshine Coast

    I'm 36 & don't sleep through the night. I also sleep better when being held by someone I love, why should a baby be any different?

  16. #16
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
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    Oct 2009
    Lalor, VIC

    It's threads like this that make me so grateful for my mum I didn't even know co-sleeping was a "thing" until I joined BB - isn't it normal for babies and young kids to sleep in their parents' beds when they need to? And what'd you mean, sleep through? Babies wake up during the night, it's normal and healthy! (I can't remember where I read it, but waking during the night helps prevent SIDS too!)

    PPs are right, you're doing a fantastic job and your little one sleeps amazingly!

  17. #17
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006

    Snowy Love - me too! I never sleep through.
    Yeah, tell her about Sloane and me sleeping on the floor with our kids for months on end

  18. #18
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2009

    It's threads like this that make me so grateful for my mum I didn't even know co-sleeping was a "thing" until I joined BB - isn't it normal for babies and young kids to sleep in their parents' beds when they need to?
    LOL same here...I was like 'oh what is has a special name?' I just thought all babies slept with their parents, that's what my sister and I did until we were ready for own beds.

    Don't stress Sue, my son is 13 months and (apart from a brief stint when he was around 4 months) has never slept longer than 5 hours straight through the night. I figure he will do it when he is ready and I'm sure your little one will too How well they sleep is certainly not a reflection of your parenting skills.