Violence in Children - HELP!

[Early Kids]

Brendan is getting really violent, especially towards Tristan. This afternoon he pushed Tristan into the toy chest (wooden and very heavy!) and closed the lid on his head. Tristan has a split lip, blood nose, cut on his forehead and a whopping bruise in two places on his head

This kind of thing is happening EVERY afternoon. What am I supposed to do? How do we stop this

Smacking doesn't work for us (nor is it something I want to do....)
Time out doesn't work, it makes Brendan worse.

He doesn't really understand much else as far as punishment....

Please help

[Lulu]

You just can't leave them alone together....doesn't it sound horrible? Ick.....but it's true, he probably doesn't understand why he is doing it just yet. I think at that stage it was all about prevention at my house. I never felt punishment worked either....it was really hard wondering what to do next or that I wasn't doing enough

It should improve though....but over time, when B gets older you can start giving him other tools.

hth

[~Lashes~]

all i can do is give you lots of and let you know you are not alone.
my eldest son is 5 and seccond son is 3, the younger one, Trent is always bashing his big brother, seth has scars on his forhead, one on his lip from were he was body slamed into the floor. they havent faught for a while now, so there is hope that he will grow out of it. like you, we have tried smacks, seperating and time out, if it dose work, it will only work for a day or 2.
i found that i just had to kind of stick it out and discourage it as much as possible and get either 2 of everything, or make the more violent one have first choice. good luck, and rthere is hope he will grow out of it, untill then, big squishy s

[Early Kids]

Thanks x

I've spoken to the OT and Speech before about it, but they didn't really have a lot to offer.

I try to keep them separated, but Tristan loves playing with Brendan, which is great until Brendan has had enough of playing with him and pushes him away/over/lashes out at him. Brendan will lash out and then go and hide somewhere and chill out.

I've tried sensory toys and techniques (banging toys, jumping on my bed (we don't have a trampoline... yet) and things like that) but they don't help with the violence

[Lulu]

It helped me a lot to remember (looking at it from the spectrum), that these kids really lag behind in social skills and impulse control. At 4-5, DS was still carrrying on like a 2 yr old when things didn't go his way (yr olds aren't as strong or big as 5 yr olds so the behaviour is really magnified!). So when you feel they should be past this, should know better etc - they really can't help it.

FWIW, spectrum kids often make great leaps forward too, I was starting to panic that he would always remain that way but he didn't. He still throws punches in some circumstances but not nearly as often and he is really open ( he's 6 now) to stopping it and tries very hard. And succeeds a LOT.

xoxo

[Early Kids]

Yeah he is delayed in every area of development (gross motor, fine motor, social/speech/language, etc), so even though his body is nearly 4, mentally he isn't. It makes it VERY hard when trying to explain to family.... I get a LOT of 'He's nearly four, he shouldn't be acting like xyz and shouldn't be doing abc'

I might try and get him seen by a child psych... the last time he saw one (excluding his Autism Spectrum Assessment) was at 3yrs corrected and even then they just sat in the corner taking notes. At 2yrs corrected they did a lot more with him (they did the actual developmental assessment).

[Early Kids]

We had a bad one today

DS2 was just standing there playing with a toy when DS1 got up walked over and pushed DS2 over and then started kicking him while he was on the ground

I really hope someone can help me soon... DS1 is going to hurt DS2 soon

For those who don't know yet, DS1 has been recently diagnosed with PDD-NOS.

[Gigi]

wow EarlyKids, my heart goes out to you, that must be so heartbreaking to watch. You love them both, you understand the why but obviously want to protect your DS2.

what is PDD-NOS? Is is something on the Autism Spectrum (as Lulu alluded to?).

sounds like it's very hard to keep them separate, you poor thing.

you're trying to get help, you're doing what you can. i really hope it DOESN"T take DS2 getting seriously injured, before you get some proper help for DS1 (I imagine long waiting lists etc, to try to get help).

[angelaartsstudent]

God you poor thing, I def wouldn't be a strong enough woman to deal with that. Big hugs.

Sounds petty, but have you tried some hardcore diet changes? I've heard good things about the Failsafe diet and trying no preservatives, artificial colours, less processed foods, wheat, dairy, sugar etc...I think it's a lot of trial and error but I've heard that sometimes it makes a world of difference to the modd of the child in question.

xoxoxoxox

[Freya]

Oh Sally I can understand the fear of the little one getting hurt. Ds2 does the same thing and its hard to know what the heck to do about it when they dont understand like they should. I hope someone gives you some help soon.

[Early Kids]

Thanks guys x It is so hard because they obviously love each other and playing together, but seeing DS1 snap like like is really scary. We have an appointment with OT and Speech on Tuesday, I hope they can help.

what is PDD-NOS? Is is something on the Autism Spectrum (as Lulu alluded to?).

Yeah it is on the spectrum.

[Early Kids]

Sounds petty, but have you tried some hardcore diet changes? I've heard good things about the Failsafe diet and trying no preservatives, artificial colours, less processed foods, wheat, dairy, sugar etc...I think it's a lot of trial and error but I've heard that sometimes it makes a world of difference to the modd of the child in question.

We have looked at diet, for another reason (stomach/bowel issues), and we are so far dairy-free, which cuts out a lot of things including biscuits, crackers, cereals etc as we have had to cut out ALL dairy for DS2. I don't buy things with added sugar and don't add suagr to foods so without those two we don't have a whole lot of processed foods. However we are still having a bit of wheat in the diet. I need to get to the next town over to buy more spelt/rye flour to make our bread again lol. We've been eating white bread since just before Christmas because I ran out.

Thanks x