If my DD won't sleep, but is still reasonably happy, i usually ride it out in the loungeroom. The TV is on, but low volume (if it is just DD and I, I will turn it off). DD can cuddle or read or play with quiet toys. The noisy & energising toys get put away. This way i don't lose my mind battling with her when i can see she is not going to go to sleep. DD will often play or read and then when she is ready will snuggle up to DH or me and we know she is ready.
If DD is tired but just won't sleep, i will take her down to the bedroom and try to get her to lay down in her bed (it sidecarts our bed) and i will lay next to her and sometimes read my book (sometimes this is too stimulating for her). SOmetimkes it works, sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i fall asleep and wake to her crawling on me and giggling.
If she really really needs sleep (or i really need a break) i will try to feed her lying down in our bed and then sneak out and leave her sleeping. we are trying to transition her to her bed so this is not first preference.
We are picking up a single king bed for her this week which will make settling her in her bed more comfy for us.
Fighting to get DD to sleep just sucks and i end up getting angry and disheartened. I try to go with the flow abit more, while making slow progression in making sleep easier.
have you thought about a mattress on the floor? i used to BF DS on my lap (sitting on the mattress) & then put him down awake & cuddle him to sleep. now we're not BFing anymore & he's in a single bed but we still lie next to him.
i stopped feeding to sleep when it became hit & miss as to whether he'd stay asleep - i decided consistency was better so it seemed easier to always put him down awake. he was a bit cranky the first couple of times (but not distressed) & then was fine. it was actually easier than i expected.
we did also go through a stage where DS would quite happily lie with me but just wouldn't sleep unless it was DP next to him. now it's back to having to be me. we just go with the flow - as HotI says, it's ultimately easier than trying to fight it.
Is she in a cot with the sides still up? We found this was a big factor with DD. She'd fall asleep in our arms, or beside us on the couch, in a deep sleep, we'd pick her up and carry her to her room and she'd wake up and go bananas. This stopped when we took the sides off the cot, she went to bed willingly, we read a few stories and she knows that when her light goes out it's time for sleep. Only in the past three days has she slept right through the night, but we changed her pattern from not wanting to sleep in her room to begin with, to her going to bed quite willingly.
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it's so frustrating when they won't sleep. 
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