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Thread: What do you tell your child when they ask "the question?"

  1. #1

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    Default What do you tell your child when they ask "the question?"

    My son will be 5 in January and my daughter is almost 3.
    We have just found out that we are pregnant with nukber 3, so of course, more so my son is very curious about it all. WE keep getting asked questions like How big is the baby, what will the babies name be and Will the baby come out of your tummy?
    ........... So I am only imagining that it is only a matter of time before we get the question......

    "How did the baby get in there?" LOL

    What did you tell your child when they asked the question and what age were they. I kinda think 5 is a bit young to have the birds and bees talk, he wouldnt understand it properly but at the same time I dont want to outright lie to him. So what would you recommend I say or what are you planning on saying when the time comes?



    TIA

  2. #2

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    Tell the truth. I tell my son the truth about everything (and he's nearly 4) and if he doesn't understand it, he usually just says "oh.. ok" and thats enough for him.

    But if he asked me to clarify anything - i would do. I don't think they are too young to be told about the birds and the bees, just dumb it down a little and not make it so.. uh.. sexual.. LOL

    Like, instead of saying that we had sex to make the baby, I'd say we had a special cuddle and that would probably be enough for him at the moment.

  3. #3

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    I dont lie I just tell the truth in an age appropriate way, I hate the "cabbage" patch story.
    I said well when a mum & dad love each other Dad puts a baby inside mums tummy and in 9 months it comes out of the vagina or sometimes mums have a cesearean, MJ proceeded to ask how she came out I said vagina and she goes omg mum that is gross why did monsta and JB get to come out the sunroof.

  4. #4

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    Yeah thats it I never wanted to lie to him. He is very intelligent and inquisitive so I know its just a matter of time before we get it LOL.

    I like the idea of the special cuddle... Might use that one. LOL

  5. #5

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    Its funny, DS has never asked how he and DD1 got out of my belly, but he asked about DD2 and how she got out, and I was like - out of mummy's vagina. He looked at it and was like.. "bahahahaha..... your trickin me mummy... " and then walked off!!! LOL.. was quite funny

  6. #6

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    Hahaha Its funny to wonder what goes through their little minds....

    So another question, what is the average age do you think when you would properly explain things to them? It seems to be younger these days than when I was a kid. LOL

  7. #7

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    I would probably try and figure out how much information they are actually asking for. I think sometimes they aren't really asking what we think they are so we can give too much information in our answer so start out really simple and let him ask for clarification - I like Arimeh's 'special hug' description. Kids seem to be pretty happy to accept a lot of stuff as just being the way it is without needing to understand every last detail. I think they are probably ready to hear the details when they are old enough to ask for more information but I usually ask my kids what they are asking before I answer questions. A good way to figure out what they are actually asking is to ask them what they think the answer is and go from there.

    Hope that helps.

  8. #8

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    I think it's important to be honest, in an age-appropriate way!! DD1 is 3 and she knows that babies are made by mummy and daddy (or, in the case of some mums and dads and/or families with same-sex parents, babies are made with some help from special doctors and very special people who donate the 'bits' that make the babies... complicated for a 3yo but she 'gets it' in at least *some* sense), the baby grows in mummy's tummy and in most cases, comes out through mummy's vagina or if the baby can't come through there, the doctors will make a big cut in mummy's belly and pull the baby out through there.
    I don't think it's ever too early to start talking about it, I personally don't believe in 'the talk', I think it should be that children get age-appropriate information that is as accurate as possible whenever they ask questions, so that by the time they reach puberty, they know the whole story and are comfortable with it, itms. It can be awkward, but just remember, he doesn't know what sex is so can't be grossed out by it yet lol Get in now while it's a confusing novelty and he'll have made sense of it before it becomes 'weird' to talk about!
    I think explaining the actual sex act to small kids needs to be pretty honest... just imagine if you gave him the 'cuddle' explanation and then he hugged a friend and said, 'And now we've had sex!' lol!! My DDs occasionally shower with Dad so they've seen all his bits and DD1 knows that it's useful for peeing and that it somehow aids in making babies, she doesn't have the whole story yet but she is satisfied with that knowledge for now.

    Good luck with it It's a tricky subject!! I know however you go about it, it'll be the right way for your little dude to wrap his head around a very complicated topic Best of luck with #3, hope it's a very happy and healthy pregnancy!

  9. #9

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    I told 5 year old DD that the man has a special seed and the lady has special eggs and they put them together and that's what makes the baby. She didn't ask how it got in there though. I'm not sure what I would have said?

    I've told her that babies come out of the vagina or tummy, but that some kids haven't been told that and it's not her job to tell others at school.

  10. #10

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    I will have to have two stories.

    Mummy and Daddy love each other and made the baby.

    Mummy and Daddy had some help from Dr F to make the baby.

    Each one, I guess, will be elaborated on as he gets old enough to understand a little more.

    My parents told me that "Mummy and Daddy made the baby" when I was 3. I don't remember having a real understanding of "how" that occurred until I was older.

    I don't think kids need to know lots of details - I think it's sometimes good to answer the specific question, but not offer extra information unless the child asks for it. Not withholding information, just not wanting to overwhelm them, iykwim?

  11. #11

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    I don't ever remember having 'the talk' when I was a kid, and I kind of think that's how it should be, you know? With my kids I just answered all their questions honestly as they came up. Some of them were quite hairy. DD asked about oral sex when she was 5 a friend at school had told her.

    Hairy moments aside, these days our older kids are pretty open about talking about this stuff with us.

    The best advice we were given was to answer honestly, but only the immediate question. Just the answer to that & don't need to volunteer any more. They'll go away & think about it (or forget it) and come back if they need to.

    After I had DS2 I went into DS1's pre-school class with him for 'show& tell'. The teacher decided to do a Q & A and one kid in particular was most insistent.

    "where did the baby come from?'
    'out of my tummy'
    'how did it get in there?'
    'it grew from an egg'
    'where did the egg come from?'
    'it grew there like the hair grows on your head, or your fingernails grow'
    'how did it get out?'
    and on, and on

  12. #12

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    Hehe, we always wonder about this one - when DD asks, as she was IVF.

    So there will be "this is how babies are made" BUT "this is how YOU were made"

  13. #13

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    I went to a talk at the library on "how to talk to your kids about sex" (by author Meg Hickling) and she recommends telling them everything as soon as they ask, as it is a lot less awkward and they just grow up knowing that that is normal and natural. I bought her book "Boys, Girls and Body Science" and its very detailed. I love it

    DS is almost 3 and we have told him everything. When I was pregnant with DD we read books to him which explained everything from how babies are conceived, how the baby forms/grows, and how the baby comes out. We didn't skip over anything either, I read him every detail, even the parts about sex. He LOVED those books.

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