What makes a good parent?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I think there are a few people who would say not me! (As in not Rosehip, not not themselves.)

IMO, love is the first thing. And the most important. Without a loving exterior to you young child, that's not a good thing.

Toddlers do tend to drive you mad and not listen to you! That's their aim in life LOL. No, what they are doing is learning. They are learning boundaries and how far they can push them. I'm strict (some who know me IRL say too strict) and if DS doesn't listen to me three times then he gets to the countdown of 5 the third time (ie 5-4-3-2-1) and I just do it, pick him up and make him obey me. He rarely screams about it now!

Now, you may be a lot more relaxed than I am about rules. There are some things I let DS lead me in (such as when he is ready to sit at the table and not the high-chair, when he's ready for big-boy bed and potty training... mostly because he's ready for this before I am LOL!) but rules I lead and am obeyed. If I tell DS he is NOT to go behind the television and play with the wires he is to obey for his own safety. If he doesn't then I try a game to get him out (such as "where's Liebling? Is he under the table? Is he on the chair? He can't be behind the television because that's naughty, not something good boy would do. Where can he be?" By this point he's usually out, running to me and giggling. If this fails I say "He is behind the TV! That's not good boy! Come out now please. You have from 5. 5-4-3-2-1." By 1 I am almost next to him so just pick him up, block off the TV again and start him playing with something else. DH says I give him too long, but I know he needs this time.

We do loads of warning too. So bedtime, which used to be fought, now starts with a song. DS runs to the bathroom at this song, asking for "teeth!" so he can clean his teeth. 9 times out of 10. Sometimes we have to bribe him with his toothbrush.

Now, this doesn't make me a good parent. I give Liebling love, praise, cuddles, kisses, time, playing, exploring, nourishment and rules. There is always someone out there who can do that better and always someone who will say this isn't good parenting. But this is what I feel is right and the best I can do.

IMO, a "bad" parent is one who never shows love or affection, always shouts at the children, uses bad language all the time around the children (directed at people) and never follows up rules. Continuously, not just because it's a bad day today! We all have bad days where we're snappy and over it. And someone can have a bad moment in the shops so it pays never to think bad thoughts because five minutes later I'm telling DS off for something minor that really doesn't matter! You don't have to be super-strict to be a good parent but you do, IMO, have to follow up with what you say. If you promise a trip to the park, do it. If you say that if the child climbs the curtains they will have a five-minute time out and no Thomas for the rest of the day, do it.

Just my opinion on the matter, only you know if your parenting is good enough for you and your daughter. Is she happy and safe? If she is, chances are you're a good parent.

[krysalyss]

I think:
Love - loving them for who they are
Honesty - with them and with yourself. Show them genuine feeling and who you are as a person.
Kindness - Give them boundaries but give them kindly. Kids dont hear better just because you yell
Empathy - Understanding of who your child is, what they feel and what they need
Time - Spend time interacting with them so you share their journey through childhood



ps This is just a general comment and not directed at you and your parenting I am sure you are a great mum!

[AliBaby]

Arrhhh just lost my post!!!

I think a good parent is someone who comes on BB to find out how they can be the best parent they can be.

I also think a good parent is someone who provides unconditional love, care, education, gives praise and encouragement, gives boundaries, instills respect, morals and values in their child, provides a safe and happy environment and believes in their child.

I am sure it is hard to do all these things all the time but if I can manage these most of the time then I think I will be doing okay. (i hope!)

[mbear]

A good parent is someone whom is willing to give up their last mouthful of dinner, or their last bite of chocolate for that little voice next to you asking 'mumma, can i have some?'.....i would do anything, anything for my kids - even give up my last mouthful of tiramsu cake like i did tonight for them.......

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I disagree mbear - my DS cannot have chocolate due to allergies. A good mother doesn't give up her chocolate to her child in my house! A good mother also stops Grandma giving chocolate to her children too. I would die for the lad, but I wouldn't give him chocolate! (He refuses it now anyway.)

I also don't think self-sacrifice makes a good mother necessarily. A "martyr mummy" (as I had growing up) is VERY hard to live with. By all means give up your wants for your child's needs, but neglecting your needs isn't going to help and will leave you feeling resentful. And whinging that you never get new clothes because you're buying your other child a car to the child who you refuse to help financially doesn't help either.

eta - CM, that's why I said a good mother shows a loving front to the child! As you know, I think Liebling is great and of course I love him (whatever love means), but he's not my child and I don't love him the way all these other mothers say they love their children. He's a nice kid and does cute things - but I could walk away tomorrow without a problem. I'm his primary carer, not his mother. And have only not left already because DH has taken the car and DS would be home alone and that's not responsible.