I had a sleep monster and some posts like yours. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own sanity. Even though you know that tantrums are usually frustration and that your child needs help, you can't regulate them if you are not regulated and calm yourself.
FWIW, it ends. It does. What I found helpful was to tell Liebling, over his protests sometimes, that Mamma was tired and needed a drink. I love him very much, and I'll be back after I have a cup of coffee. Sometimes I would "race" him: I reckoned he couldn't go to sleep before I finished my coffee. That came later though.
So I sat and had a coffee. Then I went back, a little more refreshed, and held him, kissed him, let him know he is loved. But it is still sleep-time. Sometimes I would tell him I was outside his room. I would pick a book I enjoy, but wasn't inappropriate (so think Roald Dahl over 50 shades LOL) and read it in a calm voice. Liebling knew I was there and if he needed me I would go in, but he could hear me and that really helped him.
He can now put himself to bed when he's tired, goes to sleep on his own and loves bedtime. This started around age 4, so before he went to school. But it was a bit of a nightmare before that. My attitude was always "when he marries his wife can get him to go to sleep" - so any sleep satisfaction I have before he moves out is just a bonus and I enjoy it. (But that was in response to the "rod for your own back" comments you have doubtlessly been attacked with recently, going by your post.)
thank you everyone for their generous and honest opinion.
I'm taking it all in to see what works. There has been some sort of improvement on my behalf which in turn is affecting the way she behaves.
i realise i have to be firm patient and cosistent . Shes the type that would walk all over me other wise.
She is not affectionate when she is having a tanty. She hates cuddles and kisses and she screams her head off whoch means trying to talk to her is out of the question.I just think it's something I have to just deal with. Like a lot of other things.
I have another question about toilet raining I will post on the toilet training thread if anyone here has any time to help out I would be more than greatful .
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