I think a two yr age gap is great.
I have 17mths between #1 and 2 and 22 mths between #3 and 4 and they are great friends and have always gotten on well.
There is a 4yr gap between #2 and 3 and they do not get on at all...it may be personality as well though.
There is 11mths between #5 and 6 and 13mths between #6 and 7 and that is a little to close (not that I would change it but unless you are a tad crazy I would recommend it )
We have a 26 month gap between DS1 and DS2 and i love it. DS1 was talking really well and we had no jealousy issues. They play really well together now and love each other to bits. DS1 was still in nappies when DS2 was born which i actually liked; at least the nappy change could wait a few minutes while I was feeding or settling DS2, but he does need help going to the toilet now and that cant wait most of the time . I wouldn't be too worried about the clingyness; DS1 was really clingy too until about the 18 month mark; from then on he became gradually more independent.
I'm aiming for about 7 years with DS and a future bub, I think that's a pretty good gap. Originally wanted 5 years, but getting DS to school with a newborn is a bit harsh on DS. I've seen friends with small age gaps and their children are just their children - with a large age gap, I know my DS well as a person and he's my friend as well as my child. We have a great relationship and there has been a lot of benefit to him not having a sibling yet. Can't actually see any down-side of not having someone two years younger than him around, tbh, despite what my mother tells me I should want.
To my mind, the worst gap is 18m-30m. Six months either side of the two-year thing. I don't know any siblings who didn't make their parents' lives hell as teenagers with a 2-year gap - unless there were more than two siblings. I'm certainly guilty of that, although in my case it was clearly my sister's fault!
21 month age gap here and while it's tough at times (what age gap doesn't have it's issues??), it's mostly fantastic. DS was not one little bit jealous when DD was born. He was an amazing help!
There was no need to buy extra furniture as DS had finished with it all by the time DD came along.
Now, whilst they can be a handful and very noisy, they are such great kids. They love each other so much! They can play with each other and keep each other amused. DD misses DS when he goes to kinder, but then we get our 1 on 1 time together.
I can't imagine having a bigger age gap. Sometimes I try to and try to think how much easier life would be, but I LOVE my family and wouldn't trade them for the world. Best age gap I could have hoped for really
My 3 boys are all 2 years apart 18,almost 16 and almost 14 then i have Ella 11 weeks and i have enjoyed both the close age gap and the very big age gap.
Any age gap has it's pros and cons. But they are all workable
I loved the nearly 19 months between DS and dd1.
The nearly 16 months between dd1 and dd2 (then the same between dd2 and dd3) is hard at first but the two girls are great friends now.
I do like it when the two older girls are sleeping and its just me, DS and dd3 though. 4 years is great, he is independent, toilet trained and wipes his own butt (that's important!) and can get stuff for me. He rocks dd3 to sleep for me if I'm busy with the others.
And - this is most important - he doesn't pull stuff out of my kitchen cupboards and make extra work for me - unlike his two sisters who are doing that very thing at this bloody moment.
I have 3 years between my girls and it is perfect for us! They are different enough for DD1 to understand that she is older etc but they still play together, share a room and just love each other to bits.
as others have said, it really comes down to your own family dynamics IYKWIM.
For us, what really truly decided was not so much the practicalities or timing but ultimately the heart. There was a clear morning that both DH and I woke up and just knew that it was time (of course that then took 10 months lol).
Our personal experience of 3 years gap has been wondrous! just loving that DD1 is that bit older (toilet trained, sleeping through, communication is clear etc). I guess for me, I have found it easier simply because I dont have two small babies ITMS. But that said, emotionally I just wasnt ready any sooner. and that was really the deciding factor above and beyond the rest.
goodluck with your decision! the time will be right and you will know it when it is
I have 20months difference between my 2 boys and I'm glad it turned out (cause DS2 was conceived naturally with no effort unlike DS1 who was 3 very long TTC years...so it was meant to be) this way for us.
At first, yes it was a little bit challenging, but I just tried to get DS1 involved in helping as much as I could (he wasn't talking all that much, but understood enough...like get me tissues or towels and pass me things). I was usually able (and still am most days now) to coordinate that they have a sleep at the same time. These days they both have a 2-3hr lunch time sleep, but from about 6-12months when DS2 would have 2 sleeps, I would delay DS1's sleep til later in the arvo - and still usually get up to 2hrs break....either for housework, make dinner, some relax time and occassionally a mummy-nap. I continued to have DS1 going to childcare the 2 days a week though (I also wanted to keep the position for when I returned back to work after the 12months maternity leave)...which allowed me some one on one time with DS2.
As for buying 2nd lots of furniture...we didn't really. At around 18months we began the transition DS1 to a bed...with a side rail. The side rail ended up coming off not long after DS2 was born though (the bed is rather low to the ground anyway...so not much distance to fall...though that rarely every happened). My cousin ended up giving me her change table, so I actually had one in each room, but rarely used DS1's (once the bed rail came down we tended to use his bed or even our bed). DS1 was still in nappy's (we use MCN's) so made no difference in cost of buying nappy's and not much difference to my washing. I also am able to pretty much transfer clothes that DS1 grows out of straight into DS2's room.
Now my boys are 16months and 3 years old and they are already becoming the best of friends. They play and have fun together and love cuddling each other (of course they also cause mischief together...which most of the time I find very difficult not to laugh). Most of the day they can amuse themselves...with supervision of course, but it still allows me to get alot of stuff done.
However in saying all that, if we do TTC #3 - I'm thinking of allowing a little more of an age gap...possible 2.5 -3 years...only because I found DS1's communication was sooo much better by then and everything got that little bit easier (not that it was too bad to begin with). I'd also like to have some decent sleeps (well as good as it can get...like even 2-3 uninterrupted nights sleep in a row would be perfect) before going through that again (DS1 is a great night sleeper, but DS2 - up until about 2 months ago was still waking 2 -3 times a night).
I obviously don't have any experience of the larger age gap - only watching 1 of my friends who has 3.5years between her 2 - and even though her oldest can help with alot more - she also is a very knowing little girl - so likes to argue back. They also don't interact and play together like mine do...though she has the girl boy combo, unlike my 2 boys - who have similar interests (cars, blocks, balls and dirt). And looking at most other people I know (even family and friends growing up) - they've all got a similar 2-3 year age gap between their children.... and they all seem to work - and the siblings still get along.
So this is just what I've experienced and seen, but obviously you need to do what works for you. Either you (or the universe - whichever you believe) will hopefully know when the time is right.
First of all, let me say thank you very much to everyone who has posted. There have been so many insightful comments and heaps of things I hadn't thought about, as well as lots that I had too! I am a very practical and logical person (hence the reasoning that a slightly larger gap is better) so making an informed decision is important to me (and DH too of course). But having a baby is neither practical, logical nor follows any rulebook, so why try to make it?
I think we will 'let the universe decide' when #2 is ready to join our family (with a little help from my charting bordering on obsession! ). It did a great job of blessing us with our perfect DS, and the wait that we had ttc was, in hindsight, a good thing as it prepared us so much better and made us appreciate so much more, the absolutely perfect boy we have! So, the focus for DH and myself atm is to make sure we are both in good health, continue to raise our beautiful big boy baby as best we can, clean out our study (aka baby #2's future bedroom!) and sit back and see where this journey takes us.
Oooooh, I feel so excited writing that, kind of like putting in a Lotto ticket and waiting for our numbers to come up...
Best of luck! We initially wanted a bigger age gap too, but the cluckiness took over . We haven't regretted it at all. Can't wait to see your pregnancy announcement!
There is a 4yr 6mth age gap between my two. I felt DS1 wasn't ready to have another sibling for ages. When DS2 came along it was great, DS1 understood, helped with heaps of things, and could do alot of things for himself. Not to mention when he went to school it gave DS2 and I one-on-one time together.
Good luck with whatever you decide and your TTC journey.
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Reply With Quote. I wouldn't be too worried about the clingyness; DS1 was really clingy too until about the 18 month mark; from then on he became gradually more independent.
). It did a great job of blessing us with our perfect DS, and the wait that we had ttc was, in hindsight, a good thing as it prepared us so much better and made us appreciate so much more, the absolutely perfect boy we have! So, the focus for DH and myself atm is to make sure we are both in good health, continue to raise our beautiful big boy baby as best we can, clean out our study (aka baby #2's future bedroom!) and sit back and see where this journey takes us.
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