When DId You Fall In Love With Your Baby?

[Nelle]

Gigi, Riv didn't smile for ages either, you still have to work blimmin hard to wrangle a smile from him! And I've *heard* that girls can be uncuddly at times as a general rule, as opposed to little boys. I don't have the words right now Gigi, but I bet she loves you heaps, but shows it differently to how you expect to see it. The fact that she might push you away at a park, shows that she's confident to step out on her own, knowing that you're there looking out for her, for example.


I fell in love with Riv slowly. I had a baby in my tummy, and suddenly I had a baby in my arms, and I had trouble connecting the two. He was so precious, but like Fiona, I was more fascinated at first.

Si, on the other hand, was easy, because I knew what the little person in my tummy was going to turn out to be, I knew what little babies were like, I knew his sex (and therefore name) this time around, and I was used to talking to a bub, so I didn't feel silly talking to my belly.

But that's how the boys are like even now - Riv warms up to you slowly, and Si's got a grin for you the moment you talk to him.

[Glamourcide]

^ I'm actually the opposite... with DD, DH and I were in a good (a tight, but good) place during the pregnancy and we were really, really excited.. I would sit around talking to my belly all day long, sing to her, rub my belly and couldn't wait to meet her... and the bond was there right away when she was born. It took me a little while to figure out that, 'Hey, I *made* that. That's *mine*. Wow' kind of thing, but we are very, very close and the bond is amazing.
This time around, however, well, she was conceived during the week that DH's mum was murdered and the entire ordeal and everything that has followed (legal issues, having custody of a surly 16-year-old orphan - DH's brother, moving house, and DH's father, who did it, being in hospital and then jail, as well as the stress and grief of it all) has not been very good for me. Also, being pregnant with DD was a total walk in the park - I got very sore and tired, of course, but I wasn't working and had no other kids to look after so I could sleep whenever I wanted, not bother cooking if I didn't feel like eating, had no demands on me whatsoever etc...
This time around I'm tired, sick, miserable, stressed, overworked (not by a paying job, just the day-to-day grind of looking after a lively toddler and making sure everyone else in the house is organised and fed)... I just don't feel as positive about this little one as I did about DD, and it worries me that I will find it difficult to bond with her through no fault of her own, but purely because she had to misfortune to come to us during such a difficult time in our lives. I'm getting a little bit better now that I'm starting to feel her kicking regularly, I was on the couch this afternoon with my feet up and watching my belly jump out with her kicks, and I smiled and got a bit gooey over it... I hope it's uphill from here, because I cherish the bond I have with DD every minute of the day and I want to love and be loved by this little baby just as much as with DD.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I never fell in love with DS.

I do love him, but I never fell in love with him. It was a concious decision to love him, made when I felt nothing whatsoever for him. The love has grown, but it needs nurturing every day to do so.

But then, I didn't fall in love with DH either - not until our wedding day. So I see nothing wrong with not having a hormone rush! I did worry about it a bit when DS was a few months old, but there were other issues there.

If I have another child, I fully expect not to fall in love now. And know that it will not harm our relationship at all; after all, DH, DS and I have great relations!

[Twin Sister]

I loved him before he was even born but that in-love feeling took a day or two. When he first came out I was pretty out of it from exhaustion and a little bit stunned he was finally here. We also didn't know what sex we were having so it took a bit for it to register that the baby was finally here and that I had a little boy. I remember we were still in the hospital and he was sleeping in his bassinet (I was unable to get out of bed unassisted for a few days) and I had this overwhelming need to cuddle with him. I can't remember even how I got him into the bed with me but I remember looking at him sleeping on me and I just fell in love with him. I couldn't believe that he was actually mine and I was going to get to take him home. I was falling asleep and the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to put him back in the bassinet so I could get some sleep but I didn't want to let him go, so she surrounded him with pillows so he wouldn't fall out of bed and I fell asleep with him.

[*Efjay*]

I never fell in love with DS.

I do love him, but I never fell in love with him. It was a concious decision to love him, made when I felt nothing whatsoever for him. The love has grown, but it needs nurturing every day to do so.

But then, I didn't fall in love with DH either - not until our wedding day. So I see nothing wrong with not having a hormone rush! I did worry about it a bit when DS was a few months old, but there were other issues there.

If I have another child, I fully expect not to fall in love now. And know that it will not harm our relationship at all; after all, DH, DS and I have great relations!

Thats sooo sad. I don't know how you married someone you hadn't fallen in love with yet.


I fell in love with all my kids once I had a belly to rub.

Gigi, Evan wasn't a cuddle boy either. He still isn't really. Mr independent.
I never had PND. Its just his personality. Don't blame yourself.

[*charmalea*]

the same way i love DH is the same way i love DS .. weird i know , but with DD its more like she is my kindered spirit, my missing piece ..

its beacuse DH and DS are males and DD is female ..

It doesnt come from who i am , its from how i was brought up , which tainted who i am and now have alot of trouble expressing my love ...if wasnt afraid to admit loving my boys makes me feel helpless , then i would be being true to my self .. kwim

there are times where i look at DH and dont feel much (ie hormone rush) but yet i have dreams about him where i lose him and i wake up in terrors over not having the man i love in my life .. same with DS .. he is 2 and testing evey button i have .. there are days where its quite hostile in my house and i end up disgruntled with him .. yet when i sleep i dream of him and how much he means to me it reassaures me i love him with all my heart and soul ...

to me those dreams tell me its ok to love on the out side, but i still hide it ..

so i didnt fall in love straight away , and i do think the PND/ANX/OCD i was suffering and the fact he was gone for 2 hrs after birth and BF was hard , had alot to do with it ..

he was never a cling on either so that had a lot to do with it .. no snuggly bub .. just mr independant, and still is

With DD i birthed her naturally and BF her straight away , she is everytihng i love in a woman .. she is petite , pretty - sweet features , long eyelashes etc ... and im glad i have her as a blank cnavas , so we can learn together , I fell in love with her right away , this time i didnt have PND/OCD/ANX and i think i had alot to do with it ... it helps she is a needy baby and needs to be settled and will only bet settled by me .. which helps too as i feel loved in return ... ( i think thats my biggest point there - i didnt feel loved by DS as he was independant - I feel loved by DD as she is the cuddly baby i need to feel like a mumma)

[Visitor7]

Thats sooo sad. I don't know how you married someone you hadn't fallen in love with yet.


I fell in love with all my kids once I had a belly to rub.

Gigi, Evan wasn't a cuddle boy either. He still isn't really. Mr independent.
I never had PND. Its just his personality. Don't blame yourself.

I second that. Nina was, and still isn't, a cuddly girl. She has always been a very independent person. Very unlike Emily. Emily is a very affectionate person and she'd be happy to have cuddles 24/7!

And like FJ, as soon as I was pg I fell in love with my babies. And once they were born, the love intensified.

[Visitor8]

With my first I can't remember, I was very down and it made it hard, but I do remember talking to someone about how much I loved him and I cried.
Chase was when I grabbed him when he was coming out and held him close. It was amazing, his birth helped with that I think.
Ashton was when I was about 6 months pregnant. Prior to that a lot had gone on with his father abandoning us and was very stressful time. Then at 6 months I thought wow I have the most beautiful person inside me which was made with love and then I started to enjoy it, feeling the kicks etc. When he came out it was already total and utter love.

Having a baby really makes you realise how much you can love another person. It is amazing.

[*Efjay*]

Having a baby really makes you realise how much you can love another person. It is amazing.

I know hey, I sit for ages just staring at my kids.