When DId You Fall In Love With Your Baby?

[*Efjay*]

I guess it is just the difference in the way people see thing. To me being in love & loving a person is the same thing. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling & I felt it with all of my kids & my DH. But I am still very much in love with all of them.

DH was madly in love with me until after we married. It was a harsh wake-up!

I am probably misinterpreting your words but how can you be happy with some one who isn't madly in love with you any more? Sounds really weird. Sounds to me like you have just settled for this is what you have so lets just be happy with it.
But like I said we are probably just using the words differently to each other as they have different meanings maybe.

[Arimeh]

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't feel the "rush" of love.

With DS - I'm still waiting for it. I'd hate for anything to happen to him, and thinking about anything at all (even him falling over and hurting or bleeding) always makes me end up in tears, but I don't have the connection with him to say that I am truly, utterly in love with my child. Dunno if I can blame the c/section, not BFing, or the fact that he is a very very difficult child. Maybe he is difficult cos he senses that I'm not in love with him?

With DD - totally different. Fell in love from the time I got out of recovery and just had her on my chest. Still totally besotted by her too, and can't blame the c/section, not BFing on that. Maybe its cos she's an easy baby. Or maybe she senses my love so she IS an easy baby.

So easy to blame yourself for your child's personality - but I think they develop that in the womb so its got nothing to do with you as a mother.

to everyone who is going through the same thing.

[LuluHB]

Xxxxx

[Lolli]

I am probably misinterpreting your words but how can you be happy with some one who isn't madly in love with you any more? .

I knwo this question isn't meant for me but I'd thought I'd throw my thoughts in here Fj, I'm pretty sure my man isn't madly in love with me, and that's works well for us. We love each other very much, we get along well (even though I could throttle him some days and I'm sure he feels the same), and our relationships works in a very fluid way that is continually changing and adapting.

But there is a sense that we did not so much fall desperately in love, but we chose each other- we sized each other up with the view to a permanent relationship and a family and decided we fit well (as dh puts it, "like two blocks of Lego" )

Both of us have, in our past relationships, fallen madly in love with people. We've both had our big passionate love affairs, both of which turned horribly messy and burned us badly. So it's not like we haven't experienced it, but we were both wary of a relationship that burned so quick it extinguished itself.

I actually sounds kind of sad when I write it down like that... but we do love each other deeply, and we are together for the long haul. That sense of 'choosing' each other is not something we really discuss, although it has been touched on often enough for both of us to be clear about. But it does provide a sense of security for us both as well- given our past experiences, this feels sustained, comfortable and healthy, and the majority of the time our house isa very pleasent place to be.

I envy you FJ- I always thought I'd be the kind of person to live my life madly, deeply, passionatley in love with my family (and with regard to my ds, that is how I feel). But it hasn't turned out the way- for me, it seemed I couldn't have the madly, deeply, truly, and be happy too

I've gone waaaay OT here Continue along as you were everyone, sorry...

[*Efjay*]

I knwo this question isn't meant for me but I'd thought I'd throw my thoughts in here Fj, I'm pretty sure my man isn't madly in love with me, and that's works well for us. We love each other very much, we get along well (even though I could throttle him some days and I'm sure he feels the same), and our relationships works in a very fluid way that is continually changing and adapting.

But there is a sense that we did not so much fall desperately in love, but we chose each other- we sized each other up with the view to a permanent relationship and a family and decided we fit well (as dh puts it, "like two blocks of Lego" )

Both of us have, in our past relationships, fallen madly in love with people. We've both had our big passionate love affairs, both of which turned horribly messy and burned us badly. So it's not like we haven't experienced it, but we were both wary of a relationship that burned so quick it extinguished itself.

I actually sounds kind of sad when I write it down like that... but we do love each other deeply, and we are together for the long haul. That sense of 'choosing' each other is not something we really discuss, although it has been touched on often enough for both of us to be clear about. But it does provide a sense of security for us both as well- given our past experiences, this feels sustained, comfortable and healthy, and the majority of the time our house isa very pleasent place to be.

I envy you FJ- I always thought I'd be the kind of person to live my life madly, deeply, passionatley in love with my family (and with regard to my ds, that is how I feel). But it hasn't turned out the way- for me, it seemed I couldn't have the madly, deeply, truly, and be happy too

I've gone waaaay OT here Continue along as you were everyone, sorry...

I guess this why I don't really get it. The whole not being madly in love.

DH is the only person I have had a "grown up" relationship with. Although I was only 16 when we got together. Before him there was one other big relationship that lasted 2 years. It ended because I fell in love with DH. He was my x's next door neighbour. While that relationship lasted a while I think now as an adult it was just lust & then comfort that kept it going until DH came along. That relationship served its purpose at the time though I guess.

I will always think of myself as one of the lucky ones to have found that madly in love relationship that just happened to also be the one that "Just fits"

But yes we are OT now LOL, sorry, carry on with the original discussion

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Just to be OT again, because I want to clarify.

To me, being in love is a hormone rush. You have no choice. It's very obsessional and blinding - and not a good thing, IMO. It's a bit lusty and physical with no real foundation.

Loving, on the other hand, is deliberate. I decided to love DH; I decided to love DS. Yes, it's not romantic. But the love is built because I enjoy these people, I like their company, we have fun together and get along nicely.

Like two duplo bricks (lego being a bit too small atm LOL).

The joy of loving and not "being in love" is that you don't "fall out of love" - something which I don't really understand.

Marrying DH was an unclouded judgement - do I want to grow old and grey with this man? Can I imagine us at 70 going on a walking holiday round the lakes, or playing with grandchildren, or having a laugh at some silly thing on the telly? Not "what's he going to be like under the covers" or whatever. And I am proud of that. I love my lads dearly and not being "in love" makes no difference, IMO.

[Nelle]

I've started THIS thread in relationships so we can keep discussing love and 'in love' in adult relationships, because while I'm in a rush right now, it's a great topic that I'm looking forward to reading/contributing to when I grab a moment!

[*Efjay*]

snap Nelle.

I will go post there.