I'm not working just yet as I'm pregnant with number 2. However, many people have been lecturing me how I should make her more independent by allowing her to socialize with others. At what age do you think she would benefit more from daycare such as doing some activities?
My son is 2 and still not socialising with other kids. Most parents i speak to say about 2 and a half or 3 is when they start to recognise that it is fun to play with other kids.
We started DS at 5 months of age because DH and I both work but it is flexible hours so him being in one day really helped us get all of the work done. He really enjoyed it and I think only once cried when we left (about 3 months down the track when he was teething). He eventually went to two days. He found it really stimulating and loved interacting with the kids (he would give the sad ones cuddles and pats on the back etc). Although he is very affectionate he has never been very clingy so I think that helped him. When we started we went quite slowly and I spent time there with him before leaving him there alone. But the major thing was that he went to an awesome centre and bonded so well with the staff. He got to do lots of things there that we don't really do at home. Eg. we do some craft but he would get to every day he was there. Also they helped us to know where he was up to and should be up to for his age. Unfortunately we moved away from that area and his new centre wasn't up to scratch so he no longer goes. We have him on a waiting list for one that seems really good so will see what it is like if he gets in. I don't think you can always go on how happy they are either. DS rarely cries at daycare and where the first daycare always made sure he got what he needed, the second tended to use that as an excuse to forget about him in favour of other kids (eg. he would be left in shoes and jumpers for the whole day even after it got hot or he wouldnt get his bottle).
I really think the main thing is how good the carers and centre are. We considered his previous carers as extended family. He wasn't just safe there. He got what he needed both psychologically and physically. Unless we find that again, I don't think we will be sending him to another centre.
I hope this helps.
Also just about socialising. I think it is true that children dont really play with each other until they are a bit older (I think it is around 3). But socialising is also about them just spending time together, learning to recognise the behaviour, expressions and emotions of other children. These are the precursors of playing well together. I think any supervised situation is good for this though so playgroup, playgrounds, mothers group, kid classes (eg. music, gymbaree) will help encourage these skills.
Last edited by krysalyss; September 7th, 2008 at 10:49 AM.
: Wanted to add :)
have you considered a playgroup or something similar at all? Also gives you a great opportunity to have another outlet for socialising too - not sure if they have anything like that in the States? I think your family are well intentioned and only are thinking of the best for her, but if you feel like you're being pressured to do it then maybe wait a while and see how she goes with her clingyiness etc kwim? You may even want to look into short term care for a few hours once a week or something as your pg progresses to give you a bit of time out and to help you get things down without a little one underfoot.
Yeah, I second playgroup too. You can still be there with her, have a chat with other mums etc. I think kids should be around other kids, even if they play side by side instead of together.
Playgroup help my kids socialise and DD to get over her shyness with mummy there
I waited until my two were both over 2 before leaving them in daycare.
I don't know if my DD is unusual but she started CC at 12 months as I was going back to work. She was obviously socialising with other children and playing with them from about 18 months. The carers acknowledged that it was younger than they usually see but they were very clear that she was definitely playing WITH the children and had a clear preference for her particular friends.
Now, at 2.5 she and her friends do socialise and play together - I have seen them pretend to make cakes and tea together and sit down at the table with each other and have a conversation. They also play games where they need to take turns and help each other. One day when the boys took her friend's doll from her DD went to the boys and said "No, That is Amber's doll, please give it back" and she got it and took it back to Amber.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong but I believe these are definitely socialising behaviours so I don't think that 3 years holds true for all children. I think you need to look at your own child and determine where they are at socially and make your decision based on the individual, not on what the "accepted" age that is touted happens to be.
We started @ 9 months. eased into it - I went with him for a few hours for the first couple of days. He's now 15months and there's a boy he plays with all the time, and another boy he steals toys off all the time ... He loves it, big smile when we drive there in the morning.
For us, its great, but that's because we found a centre that aligned with our values and is smaller (council-run) and he's thriving there.
Started at 22 months, because of study, two days a week. Started out with half days to get him used to the kids and carers and was going to leave it at that till I realised I needed more study time. So, now it's two full days.
At the start he didn't like it, because I would leave and that was natural enough. That's why it was only for 3 hours max at a time to begin with.
For a while longer he was happy when there but hated going and would cry for about 2 mins after I left and wouldn't sleep there. Now he doesn't mind going and will rattle off the names of the kids there on the way. They interact but I don't think he plays well WITH other kids, they just happen to be there playing the same things. There's one kid that he'll 'pat', but all the kids pat this kid!
I have to say that as far as socialisation, he was getting this anyway from my local ABA group (Booby Club) and the families from my fire brigade, so I can't credit CC with that.
Also, if it weren't for uni, I wouldn't send him to CC, but that's also because he has a grandmother living around the corner who can have him two afternoons a week to let me do some things.
It's a fantastic centre that is very child-centred (I know, they should all be, but we know they're not), and benefits immeasurably from being in the university and close to up to date research on child development.
Children learn the best socialisation from adults in their environment - they observe and model us, our conventions and patterns. This is how they learn to converse, take turns in conversation, 'manners' etc. Children who are sling-worn and carried pick up on these things sooner because they're closer to the action and included in these interactions
Children learn conventions for interaction, or socialisation skills, from about 3 onwards - as in, when they hit someone, other kids will implement consequences, they start to enforce 'sharing', demonstrate true contrition when they cause upset to another in their social environment. This is what is meant by socialisation, I'm pretty sure - peer influenced behaviour when it a group situation. Playing 'with' and around other kids affects how they play and interact at a younger age, it's just not important at a younger age in a childcare setting - playgroups and other interactions where the parents are present with the kids is a lot more important, if you can afford to (time-wise, if you're not working), or can access these avenues.
If you don't have to use childcare at this young age, then don't worry about it, no matter what anyone says about the advantages. There are far more advantages to being with your child than separating yourself from her at this stage of her life, if you are in the position to
Children at that age are supposed to be dependent on their mummies!! Kids don't really start to learn from socialising till they are about 3. Why don't you take her to a playgroup or something similar?
I take my DD to playgroup once a week, and she loves it! She's in a new & fun environment, but she knows I'm there if she needs me. It's good to meet other mums too
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks