Thanks Jaycee

Last night was a bit better, until DD's bedtime. She wouldn't let DH do it, but I had DS. I gave DS to DH so I could do it, but he cried the whole time because it's when he wants to cluster feed. The DD told me she missed me and I just broke down I hadn't had a chance to spend proper time with her, especially without DS. She did go to sleep but I was left feeling incredibly guilty.

So today we had a big family day. Went out to lunch and the playground, where I played with her and DH held DS. At 3 DH went to the pub to see his work mates and DS had a really good nap, so lots of quality time with her there. I didn't have any of the negative emotions at all tonight. She wanted us both at bedtime, so I sat next to her holding her hand and feeding DS while DH read books to her. Suddenly I remembered, at this time with DD I'd spend an hour or two on the couch with my boobs out, she'd feed forever then have a good sleep til we went to bed. So maybe now I have to do the same, but part of that in DD's bed? When he stopped feeding DH took DS, I lay down with DD and sang til she fell asleep.

So I think (hope) that we can get a little routine sorted, and I'm feeling much better about it and remembering I can't just leave DD to DH, he'll be back at work soon and she needs me too.