why did you have the number of children you have?

[Roryrory]

We are planning on having 3 children if all goes well. I am an only child who always wanted siblings and DH is one of four and comes from a poorer family who suffered financially due to the number of kids in the family, so for us 3 kids seems like a good number. I wouldn't only want one child because I keenly felt the absence of siblings, esp after my father died when I was 9, and two children seems like "not enough" for me LOL! Four seems like "too many" so 3 seems just right (though that said I am not adverse to 4 if that is what comes along. Number of bedrooms in the house is also an issue for me - I really liked my own room as a kid, though DH (who had to share a room) doesn't seem to think this is a big deal.

Now I know everyone has the number of children they have for various reasons - my parents, for example, only had me because of (I think) Rhesus incompatibility (??) so my m/c every pregnancy after me. I know of other families who have two children because they get a boy and a girl so that is enough for them, but of others who definately want 4 or 6 or 8 kids before they even start.

I have wondered for some time whether my reasoning is the valid and how we settled on the idea of 3 kids (maybe I secretly want a soccer team ). The recent publicity surronding the Duggar family in the US (who have just had child # 17) certainly got me thinking too - a few comments on the net about them were very interesting. One woman who was pro-huge families (10-12 kids plus) was criticising modern parents and their "two project childrn" who get all their parents' undivided mollycoddling attention, and there were others who were saying it was unfair to have lots of children like the Duggars because you are effectively asking the older ones to raise the younger ones.

So why did you choose to have the number of children you have. or intend to have? This is not intended to cause a great debate about whether it is better to have one child or 8 or whether the middle of three is always left out or whether 2 is better than 4, and nor is it to exclude people who don't achieve their goal number for various issues, such as infertility, death of partner, divorce or whatever. I am really just interested in the thinking behind settling on a particular number, rather than any criticisms of particular choices, but I realise of course that often the choices we do arrive at are because we think that other choices are less preferrable or the wrong ones for us.

[Pandora]

All going well we plan to have 2 or 3.
DH wants at least 3 so that he can be a SAHD, as it would make financial sense for us to do that if we had 3 or more children.
I want to send my kids to private school and could probably do it with 2 but not so sure about 3 on a single income.

[Rouge]

We wanted a boy and a girl, I know that sounds selfish to some but thats what we wanted. Sure if we'd had all boys or all girls we'd be happy but DH feels because we've got one of each we'll stop at two (much to MIL's disappointment). But who knows I think financially our restrictions are set to two, but if things go well with my upcoming career I may be able to sway him into considering number three. But in all honesty I am happy. I have 2 bubbas they are both so wonderful and individual. We also wanted to be finished having kids by the time I was 25, I really wanted to be a young parent. My grandparents were young and they were able to enjoy their grandkids and have lots of fun with them. DD' great grandparents are the same age as some of her friends grandparents. So if we go for number 3 it won't be till I'm about 29-30. We would have definitely went for number 3 had DS been an Averlie but as it is I think we're very happy.

I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

[Ambah]

I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

Wow, that is interesting... and something that I would probably cross my mind too...

Well so far we have 1, and are pg with #2. As far as DP is concerned, 2 is as many as we will be having - and it took years of gentle persuasion to get him to consider #2 as it was.
At this stage, and for the next few years of my life I definitely do not think I am up to raising more than 2 children... but I do have a feeling that once the youngest is in school I might start thinking about it again.

I came from a large family of 5 girls, so was never lonely at home... it was wonderful. However at the same time I never really connected with my parents, and that has affected me a bit - especially the lack of connection with my mother. This was due to the fact that she was always just so busy, and never really got close to any of us on an emotional level, which has affected some of us siblings more than others.
For that reason I don't think I would have 5 kids, probably not even 4.
However, I will always keep my options open, I am only 24 so have many years left in me yet...

[Erin_25]

After having DS I have been certain I am not having anymore, until just the other day when I realised he's actually not that bad.....LOL we've just passed through the magical 3months & he's a pleasure!!!
We've decided 2 will be it for us - this may sound stupid but our reason is that way we dont have to go out & buy a new bigger car & so on. Also lots of your baby stuff depending on how long between kids may need replacing by 3 or 4. So to me 2 seems like a good number, nice & even....not an only child but not too many that we will struggle to provide. I have always said I want my kids to have everything I had & more!!
It's funny how & why we decide, a good friend rang me the other day & asked this same question & couldn't believe it when I said 2, as both DH & I have 3 siblings each.

[Roryrory]

I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

Gosh! I am not alone then - I forgot to put this as one of my reasons (probably because I haven't even mentioned it to DH because I think that it is so morbid!) But it is definately one of my reasons too.

[visitor2]

I always wanted 4 kids but after having the problems we had with Eleanor's pregnancy we are sticking with 3. I now look at them and think that is the right thing to do is just have the 3 of them.

I always joke that when we are old at least one of the will look after us

[krisp]

We've decided that 2 is the perfect number for us. I'll be almost 37 when my little girl is born so no more for me! I feel really blessed to have my darlings and know that for us a boy and a girl will make a lovely balanced little family. Having said that if I had 2 boys that would be it as well, but I have to admit I'm secretly delighted to be having my little princess...

[*Ang*]

We will be having 3 and had already decided on this number before we got married. DH comes from a family of 3 and he thought that it was perfect. I come from a family of 2 - but upon saying that there is a 13 year age gap between me and my sister. I hated with a passion being an only child - I felt so lonely. Yes I had my parents attention and yes I had friends but I think that nothing beats having a sibling and so I refused to ever just have the one child.

I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

As unusual as it sounds this is also one of my main reasonings behind having 3 children. I am naturally a very morbid person and I couldnt bear the thought of having one child die and then being left behind with only one and that child growing up being an only child. DH thinks that my reasoning is stupid and is betting on disaster but I dont care - thats the way that I think.

We were hoping to start TTC#3 around about now but with Alex's sleeping problems and night terrors we have now put it off by a few months to a year. But it will happen!

[Tracey]

Hmm, during my pregnancy with Zyon I was certain I wanted 1 more (atleast!)
But funnily enough for the first time ever the moment he was placed on my chest I said, I am done, no more, I am truly blessed & happy with our 3, if another came along by surprise I would happily keep going, but in my heart of hearts I am finally at peace with 3 being our perfect family quota!

When both girls were born I knew I wasnt done, it has NOTHING to do with having a different gendered child, just I feel ready to enjoy the next phase of our lives, which takes away the stress of temping, charting, TTC etc & actually living!! IYKWIM???

[Liz]

I want 3, DH wants to stop at 2 (esp since #2 is a girl). However, coz I keep talking about #3, I've actually caught him out a couple of times talking about having 3 kids! hehe. He's slowly moving towards 'we'll see how we feel' rather than a flat out no.

That being said, I too am looking forward to moving on to the next phase, like Tracey. I'm looking forward to the kids being old enough to appreciate camping & holidays & outings etc. So who knows, maybe I'll feel satisfied at 2 when #2 is born. (I despise the pigeon pair comments tho and people assuming we'll stop at 2 coz we'll have one of each gender. Maybe that's making me determined to have 3 too lol)

[Liz]

I want 3, DH wants to stop at 2 (esp since #2 is a girl). However, coz I keep talking about #3, I've actually caught him out a couple of times talking about having 3 kids! hehe. He's slowly moving towards 'we'll see how we feel' rather than a flat out no.

That being said, I too am looking forward to moving on to the next phase, like Tracey. I'm looking forward to the kids being old enough to appreciate camping & holidays & outings etc. So who knows, maybe I'll feel satisfied at 2 when #2 is born. (I despise the pigeon pair comments tho and people assuming we'll stop at 2 coz we'll have one of each gender. Maybe that's making me determined to have 3 too lol)

hahaha... I quite clearly won that battle

[Petala]

I think we'll have two or three.....as I'm no longer a spring chicken but a summer chicken and getting a little long in the tooth I'm taking the wait and see how we go approach. We have one and are currently trying for another. If I was younger I'd say 3 most definitely.
I'd also agree that I like the idea of a child having siblings so they have someone there in times of loss (like when us parents fall off the perch).

[Antheia]

DH and I have said 5 but if we want more after that then we will.

We are both only children, so i think that's why we want a big family. Our kids will never have any aunts, uncles or cousins. So i think by giving them a fair few siblings is a good idea.

I always hated being an only child for the simple fact that i was so lonely. Yeah i got spoilt but i always longed for that sibling relationship.

We're only 21 so time is on our side, thankfully.

[{sarah}]

Aaron has always said he wants 5 and I'm quite happy with that. The way we are going though we're not sure what will happen now. We intend on transferring two embryos with our IVF cycle this month & depending on the outcome we'll decide on what to do next. If we have twins we more than likely won't be doing IVF again, but if we have another naturally fantastic. If we have a singleton pregnancy we will probably go back to IVF & transfer another two at some stage. That said, we will not be using contraception at all until we're sure out family is completed, we may somehow be blessed with another miracle.

[sushee]

My XH and I were going to stop with two as we had a girl and boy, but I fell pg twice after that despite birth control, and after two terminations, I couldn't go through with another when I fell pg to DS2. So we had three.

Then when my DH and I got married, we both wanted a child together, so that's when we started TTC, and after a long haul with IVF, had Charlie. I personally would like another child, but DH doesn't want to do any more IVF and I'm now okay with that. If it happened naturally by some miracle, I think he'd faint from the shock, but would probably be happy enough.

[Trillian]

I come originally from a family of 4 (2 brothers and a sister) and then I have a younger half brother. DH is from a family of 3 (brother and a sister). We always sort of thought 4 would be nice but never actually set it down as something we'd stick to. After I had Paige I wavered from knowing I wanted another one, to being happy with 3 and then knowing with certainty I wanted another baby. DH said during my pg with Paige that was she a boy, we would stop, but then after she was born he was non commital either way. Just before we decided to TTC this bub, he said that he would regret not having another one (typical, it was during one of my "I'm done" phases LOL). And now I wouldn't have it any other way. No doubt we will have tough times financially but I just can't imagine not having this baby in our lives.

Re the comments about having 3 incase of the worst possible senario, I think it stems from the whole 'heir and a spare', where families had to have at least 2 sons to be able to carry on the family name etc in case one didn't live past infancy kwim?

[Berry]

We're about to have our third and may stop at 3 or possibly have a fourth.....

Some of our reasons below are similar to what others have mentioned and a few others spring to mind too.

- we adore our first two so much and so wanted another
- loving being parents more than anything else in life
- curiosity to see what the next one would be like
- I had 3 sisters and DH had a brother and sister, and we both liked growing up with that size family
- DH was keen to go back for a third, and that reinforced my wish for a third
- My second baby was born at 27 weeks, and there was some sort of psychological need to "get it right" and make it to full-term for the next one
- fear of a child dying (morbid, but it does ring true when I read others mentioning this in their reasoning)
- pull of maternal instinct and pressure of the biological clock (I'm 34 now)
- We have a big house on an acre with 6 bedrooms and the previous family here had 5 kids, and I guess it seems nice to have a reasonably big family in this home