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Thread: Will be Good for DS and Good for me.

  1. #1

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    Default Will be Good for DS and Good for me.

    DS needs to interact with other children around his age now. So i am looking at putting him in day care for 1/2 day a week. Maybe progress to a full day. But I know i am going to find it hard to let go
    Is there a transition type thing that i could do, so that i feel comfortable leaving him there eventually? I want to make sure - really make sure he is going to be ok when i leave him there. I cringe at the thought of him crying the whole time i am gone. Would they call me in this situation so that i could come get him?
    How do they settle a baby, who is hard to get to sleep? Will they just let him cry himself to sleep? OMG i am so anxious about the whole idea, but i know i need to do it. I think it would be good for him and myself.
    Has anyone had any bad experiences leaving their child in a childcare center?


  2. #2

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    Hi Ally,
    Firstly you can ask the daycare centre your questions about how they settle the babies etc. The centre I go to (as do most ABC's I think) pat the babies to sleep, or cuddle them. They seem very gentle.

    When Aidyn first started daycare this year (he was was 20 months at the time), the first day he was very upset and they called me to come and pick him up after a couple of hours, as they didnt want his first day to be a bad experience for him.
    The 2nd time he went, he lasted a couple of hours longer before I was called. And then the third time he has settled in nicely and wasn't upset.

    You can specify to them that you want to be called if he is crying and upset for longer than a set amount of time. They should be very understanding and helpful, and used to dealing with bubs that are new to childcare.

    And also go with your gut instinct... if you dont feel that the centre has your sons best interests at heart, then maybe look for one that you feel more comfortable with.

    You can probably do any type of transitioning that you want to? They may let you come down to the centre with him a couple of times first just to have a look around and become famililar with the place. That is what I was offered with Aidyn, and I did bring him down a couple of times before he started there on his own.

    Good luck with it

  3. #3

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    Thanks Ambah, I am feeling better about the whole thing already

  4. #4
    Fire Fly Guest

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    Ally, have you considered going to playgroup or kindergym, that way you can interact with ds and he can get comfortable being with other kids and adults.

  5. #5

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    Personally I don't agree that babies need to interact with other children till they are about 2. As long as they ahve aloving & attentive mum & dad at home they are getting all teh stimulation they need. A good day care centre will tell you this also. At 7 months his world is all about him & you. he wouldn't care less if he has other kids to play with or not. I think Fire Fly's suggestion of kindy gym or playgroup would be a better alternative to day care. Babies need there parents not interaction with other kids KWIM.

    Hope I don't offend anyone.

    ETA: Just realised your DS isn't 7 months so I will slighty change my post. While I still agree that they need parents & not other kids at this age. I can see why you think he needs the interaction with others. He would enjoy it but doesn't need it KWIM?
    I think Play group & or kindygym is a better alternative like I said. I think its better to start Preschool type things where they are being left after they are 3yrs. That way you can slowly build up how often they go to get use to big school once they are 5.
    Last edited by *Efjay*; August 5th, 2006 at 01:42 PM.

  6. #6

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    I think that is really is down to circumstance and individual needs and choices as to when and what age you opt to utilise childcare. And when I mention "individual needs" that is as much about the Mummy as the baby. JMO, but I will be totally honest, and say that I personally NEED a childfree day for my own sanity, without it I would feel as if I would go mad......but thats just me, LOL!

    When Olivia was 12 months old I was selected for Jury Duty, and so I ended up placing her in FT childcare for 10 days. For 2 days before my Jury Duty started I spent the 2 days with her at the centre. I still cried my eyes out on the thrid day when I had to leave her, but she thrived in the environment.

    As such, when we moved to SA, we chose a new childcare centre for her and she started with 1 day a week, and now does 2 days. Again, when she started at the centre, I spent a whole day there.

    As Ambah indicated, most centres adapt a very gentle approach....at our centre, if a baby won't sleep, they pat them or cuddle them for 5 mins, and if that doesn't work, they get the baby back up to play and try again later.

    Charlie now also goes 1 day a week. I felt terribly nervous at leaving him the first few times, but now I can see how much he likes it....he throws himself at the toys and books and grins like a clown when we walk through the door.....LOL!

    Hope that reassures you!

  7. #7

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    I've had mixed reactions at different centres and honestly I think alot depends on individual carers. I went in the first 3 times with Matilda, for around 20 minutes just to sit & play in the room & let her get used to it while watching those working in the centre. I went to a few before I found one I liked, where they put the children's needs first, settled a difficult baby etc... in the end I had to take Matilda out because she continued to get sick every time she went into the centre.

    I started Matilda at a family day care where she is in someone's home with 3 other children. She loves it there and the family day care "mum" is fantastic. I sat with her before I decided and discussed philosophies of care and settling and cc etc. She was fantastic and one of her children had reflux & was difficult to settle as well, so she "knew" Matilda as soon as they met. Matilda loves her & asks to go to Lizzie's house now. I feel confident with her and happy in our choice.

    I had to use child care for a few reasons, one being that with PND and no family or support people I needed a break for a few hours a week. DH had a new job & couldn't take time off to help me when I needed it most. We also needed $$ when he lost his job and I had to start work & commit to one day a week, so I did.

  8. #8

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    I think alot depends on individual carers
    SO SO true.....hence it is worth shopping around.....the one we chose for Olivia & Charlie "feels" right for us, and this is entirely down to the people.....it is a fairly old crusty building, but the staff are LOVELY, and their turnover is low (eg none of the girls have left in over 14 months at least since we started there). Two of the carers now babysit for us at home, and also looked after a whole heap of babies for us at our wedding...so they have become a part of our family...that is how fond Olivia has become of "Weese and Winda"......(Louise and Linda" LOL!)

  9. #9

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    Funny you should say that Lucy..my DS lachlan calls his carer Weesa(Louisa)! They are so cute aren't they?? He goes every monday for the day and loves it..He satarts 4 yo pre school next year and will love that too.. he is the first one to go to day care because I am a SAHM and din't think they needed any interaction, they were very well adapted and adventurous children and very social..but decided all kids are at school now and lachie is home alone...

    Janxx

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    Evan had me baffled with one of his Teachers, Miss hummer. I couldn't figure out who he was talking about. Then one week he said Oh theres Miss Hummer. He was refering to Miss Emma LOL. We have a Miss David too, LOL poor guy has all these kids running around calling him "Miss"

  11. #11
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    We spent a bit of time choosing a daycare centre. In the end we chose ABC mainly because my neice had been there since she was 8months and is now 4 and in preschool but in that time not one staff member has left and my neice adores each and every one of them.

    We started Gemma off gently by me staying with her for an hour and then we went home, then it was 2 hours then we went home, then she was on her own for a couple of hours. She settled in well and now LOVES daycare. When I arrive to drop her off she wants to go to the carers and to me thats really important. She cudles into them and waves bye bye to me. At ABC they either pat or cuddle them to sleel like Ambah has said.

    Remember your paying them and trusting them with your child so you are more than entitled to ask as many questions or visit as often as you want. All ABC centres encourage you to drop in through the day if you want, no phone call in advance needed.

  12. #12

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    Thanks for your advice everyone
    Firefly, I have just put DS in kindergym, and he loves playing on the equipment! The kids there dont seem to interact with one another. DS is too busy shooting around all of the different equipment, I dont think he even notices the other kids LOL! It is a big area though, and not a great deal of kids there. But he does love it.
    Fionajill: I spend all of my time with DS, never have him looked after at all, and he is one that gets bored very quickly, even with me LOL! I think it depends on the child as to what their needs are. Some kids are quite content being home with mum or dad, and not having other children to stimulate them. DS loves other children, esp his cousins, who are school age, and is so happy and occupied playing with them. Once they have gone, he is bored again!!! I also hated the thought of childcare to begin with, especially before i even had DS. But now that i am in this situation, i do feel there are benefits to childcare. You didnt offend me, as everyone is entitled to their opinions
    Lucy I know exactly what you mean about needing a bit of time to yourself. I would love to have a day off, just to keep up with my housework, since DS is always hanging off my leg whenever i try to get something done. He is also a very demanding child, and it does wear me down a bit. As i have said previously, i never have time to myself, and think it would be good for me too. I know that 1/2 a day or two half days a week will not kill him!!! I love the idea of being able to stay there with them for a few hours, or however long you like. I love the idea that they dont make them sleep until they are ready. I guess I will shop around so to speak until i find one that i am fully comfortable with, and i intend on asking lots of questions first. Thanks for your help
    Kristy It also worries me that DS may come home with more illness. If this was the case, i would probably consider not taking him anymore also. But i guess in the end they can pick it up anywhere ie; friends that come over with sick kids! I also understand how you feel about needing time alone with PND . I did suffer a little in the beginning, and feel it coming on again, hence needing a bit of time to myself.

    Thanks again everyone

  13. #13

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    Ally, I understand everyone has different needs. But I just want to point out that you will be the one to gain the most from giving DS a day/half day in daycare. Again I am not intending to offend here I honestly hope I don't. But the fact that DS is already enjoying Kindy gym & isn't showing any interest in the other kids while there, is probably a good indication of what it will be like at daycare. Evan & Glenn also love playing with their cousins when we do see them. Funny how they are drawn to the older ones too isn't it?!
    I think Evan was the same age as your DS when I thought he must be missing out on something by not attending daycare. But it was the daycare director that I spoke with who said, I don't need "day care" for him to be looked after while I work etc, I wasn't keen on the idea of putting him into daycare & that at his age he really didn't need the interaction with other kids. That their world is centred around them selves.
    It sounds as though we are similar in that I too have very rarely had my kids baby sat. I think I could cound maybe 4 times in the 4 years I have had kids. 2 trips to the movies & once when I had to work & DH wasn't going to be home till after 2 hours after I had left. I think there was a 4th but I am not 100% as I can't remember what it was for. Oh unless you count the hour or 2 my mum sat with Evan while DH was with me during the birth of Glenn.

    Even though I can understand that everyone is differnt, kids included. I still believe that kids under 2 don't "need" daycare interaction with other kids. But sayign that, I will say that Kids need a happy & loving home environment (& please don't take this the wrong way) But I think that if you feel that the 1/2 day/full day in daycare will help you be a better mum to your little man. then I think thats ok. I too (I am sure we all) need that time to ourselves. I am not ready for Glenn to go to preschool, he loves coming onthe 1 day I drop Evan off & pick him up & would probably be fine if I left him but I would rather wait till he is 3 like Evan was. So on the one day Evan is at preschool I still have Glenn undertoe. But I get my time to myself once they are tucked away in bed. Thats all I need most days is just an hour to myself to unwind (usually on here lol).
    But I don't think its selfish to need more time to yourself & if daycare is the answer for you then so be it.

    Please Please please don't take anyof that the wrong way. If it came out the wrong way please just disregard it as I honestly don't mean any offense.

  14. #14

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    Fionajill: You definately havent offended me LOL!
    I guess i would see daycare as a treat for him to be able to spend time with other kids, which he loves, someone different, and being able to play with new toys, and explore new surroundings. I certainly wouldnt even continue with it if i thought he wasnt enjoying it. He really is a different kid when there is new company around, so this is why i think it would be good for him.
    The reason he is not showing interest in the kids at kindergym, is because the place is huge and there arent many kids there. There is basically 3 or more pces of equipement per child, so the kids are no where near each other most of the time. And he is so excited having new things to play with.
    I dont feel that i would be the one benefiting most, since i would be at home doing housework, LOL! and thinking of DS all day anyway.
    I agree that kids need a happy and loving home, my DS is told ever single hour that i love him, and he gets a million and one kisses every single day. I dont think that having him in day care would make me a better mum, but it would make for a nice tidy organized home environment for him.
    DS is in bed by 8 each night, but i work a few evenings per week, specifically so that i dont have him in daycare or looked after every single day. So i dont get much time to relax. I did chose to be a stay at home mum. That was my choice. A work mate has put her daughter in day care full time since she was only 6weeks old. No i personally couldnt have done that, but i guess that is what she felt was right?
    If your child seems to like it, why wouldnt you? IMO it would be harder to take a 3yo, as they would be more aware of being left alone,than a 14mo would. I would prefer to slowly build them up to it, and i guess the younger the better IMO .As i said before, i think it does depend on the child, their personality, and how clingy they are. But that is just my opinion of course!
    Again... You didnt offend me, and i hope i havent offended you in any way. I love hearing opposite opinions to mine, as it makes me more open minded, and gives me other things to think about .

  15. #15

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    I just want to say a little bit on that. I'm not entirely offended, but I think this discussion could go that way, so well done everyone on being adult about this too.

    I was a die hard wasn't going to put Matilda into care until she was 3. PND and the necessity for a "happy mummy, happy baby" changed my mind, but also Matilda changed my mind as well. She adores the other children, and talks about them all the time. At Kindygym & playgroup there is too much on for too much interaction, but at day care she plays with them, runs with them and does craft with them and loves it.

    If I didn't get the few hours off to myself a week, I wouldn't be able to continue to do positive parenting with Matilda and this house wouldn't be as relaxing to live in.

    I certainly don't advocate busing kids out to be cared for by someone else, but I don't think it is the end of the world either.

  16. #16

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    Christy, I am totally with you on that one, and that is why we are able to make these choices, as we are the parents and only we know what is best for our children Daycare is a good choice for me and my DS too.

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by christy

    I was a die hard wasn't going to put Matilda into care until she was 3. PND and the necessity for a "happy mummy, happy baby" changed my mind, but also Matilda changed my mind as well.

    If I didn't get the few hours off to myself a week, I wouldn't be able to continue to do positive parenting with Matilda and this house wouldn't be as relaxing to live in.
    Christy thats what I mean by it being more a benifit to the Parent. I guess thats not the best way I could have worded it. But what I mean is that at a young age, yes they enjoy going etc but they wouldn't miss it if they never went. BUT the Happy Mum, happy Bub does weigh in as a heavy point to think about when deciding if it is going to be worth taking them along.

  18. #18

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    I was thinking about this issue girls, last night, because we are all raising such good points, and thinking how great it was that we can all share opinions, without getting narky! So, thank you!

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