Yes, I *used* to be one of those mothers... (temper tantrums)

**thepixie** · October 7th, 2009, 01:12 PM

Oh Rach I had to laugh!

- He wanted to open the door. I close the door again, not good enough. I need to turn back time to before I opened it.

especially at that.
You poor thing, I hope it's a short phase for him!

**Gigi** · October 7th, 2009, 01:25 PM

oh hon, i sure do relate to your description.

EVERYTHING seems to be a battle right now. The rare time i ask bilby to do something and she responds with "aw-wite" - and toddles off to do it - I JUST ABOUT KISS THE FLOOR!

getting dressed is SUCH a battle
getting her to do ANYTHING most of the time is SUCH a battle

it wears me out, the constant supervision, repeated asking, repeated giving clear directions without sounding cross (that takes ALOT of energy!!)

and i've only got ONE child to worry about

it must be so much harder, doing it (wrangling the tantrumming toddler) when you have a nb to care for simultaneously.

so honey, i am amazed you still have the humour to put this down in a post so eloquently

Terrible Twos springs to mind!!!

hard not to react when tantrums happen

i did the Incredible YEars (parenting a toddler) course earlier this year.

one response is IGNORING. really hard to do (for the parent). That technique was the hardest one for me to
- grasp
- put into practice
doesn't work in ALL situations, but now it'sanother "tool in the toolbox" to try.

like we're out at gymbaroo, teacher asks the toddlers to come to the mats, bilby won't stop playing on the equipment. i ignore her, go to mats, and start helping other kids. Eventually, she "gets it", everyone is having fun at mat time except her, her mummy is giving postivie attention to other toddlers, so she comes over and WANTS to join in.
It was very exciting for me, the FIRST time i tried out this IGNORING method, trusted it would work, gave it a few minutes and it DID work. i thought every other adult in the place would give me dark looks and disapprove (that had been why i was scared to use it) but instead they looked at me knowingly, and smiled at me, when bilby came over and joined in. So other parents must use it too.

my other fear was that me IGNORING the behaviour, might ESCALATE the behaviour.

but i emphasise, it's only ONE thing to try.

other methods are INVOLVING child in household chores, i had a hard time with this one too, i had to get my head around "how do i involve her in cooking, that will still be safe for her?"

the basic tenet of the Incredible Years, is to give the child positive attention each day, a concerted effort, like 10 mins playing with them, so that they will remember and enjoy the positive attention, therefore wanting THAT, more than negative attention.

i still struggle every day, with what to do, but what can you do, but try your best. Talk to other parents, to keep a "supply" of stuff to try, in your "toolbox". and hope to hell you can remember some of it, when it's needed!! (that's the bit i struggle with the most, when i'm stressed, i go blank).

i sympathise with the tantrums thing bigtime. you are not alone honey.