I guess what we did with Isla wasn't cc as such but probably wouldn't have been considered 'gentle' either. Just before her first birthday we were so exhausted as she was waking up 3 or 4 times a night and wouldn't settle without a boob so we had to do something. I decided i wouldn't feed between 12ish and 5. We couldn't just leave her to cry but if i went to her it would confuse her about why i wouldn't feed her so we used my dh instead. Once she'd stood up in the cot and started getting upset then dh would go to her and lay her back down gently and say 'sleepy time' and walk away. As soon as she'd stood up again he was back 'sleepy time' again and again. And yes she did cry and it was pretty horrible but she'd tired herself out after about 40 minutes with the gaps between her standing up getting longer and longer. She wasn't left to cry for any length of time, each time she got upset dh would go to her and do the sleepy time thing.She was in a cot at the end of our bed and i was so sad as when she fell asleep i knew she'd got upset as she was still doing the 'sniffs' for quite a while after. Anyway, second night, she stands up middle of the night ocl****, dh get up to go to her and she takes one look at him coming to her (not me) and flings herslef back on her humphrey (comforter) and that was it. She's not woken up since and went into her own room a week or so later with no hassle what-so-ever. So while it's not great at the time doing something like that may work.
good luck
Julie x
Last edited by PlonkeeMumma; October 27th, 2009 at 12:28 AM.
: spelling
Hi,
I'm another one to say with both of our boys, it was one of the best things we could have done. As much as I've had to really psyche myself up to do it - and it's definitely not fun listening to them crying, the results within the first day have made me know that it has definitely been a positive step for everyone in the family. Only do it when you're ready to do it. Knowing how effective it has been has allowed me to really enjoy all of the feeding to sleep, cuddles and apparently "bad" habits we've created over the last 9 months . Good luck!
Only thing that ended up working for DD in the long term.
We started at 7mths, and it worked wonderful. The first few nights were really hard and heartbreaking, but as each night progressed it got easier.
We would do the bedtime routine, put her in her cot, give her her blankie, say night night, then walk out, if she cried we would go in, comfort her without picking her up, then walk out and slowly would make the gap longer and longer. If she got distressed we would get her up and try 10 mins later.
We did go backwards a number of times and have to do it all over again, but that was only after some big milestones and she went back to being a great sleeper after a night or two of doing the CC routine again.
Thank you so much for your stories they have been so good and ispirational to read them, I honestly didnt think that I would get many people share their stories so thank you heaps.
I know I am mentally ready now, I have tried in the past but the crying just broke my heart but I have been very sick and I am not getting over the sickness because I am not getting quality sleep. Georgia woke at 1am after only a 2 hours sleep and I tried for an hour to get her back to sleep, I was getting so angry and frustrated and I know I was making it worse, so DH got up and had a go and she would not settle for him either. So he put her in her bed made sure she was safe and we layed in bed and let her cry and 40 mins later she was sound asleep (3am) and slept until 6:30am I then put her in bed with me fed her and she slept until 9:30am. She was not crying hysterically so I felt that us going in there would not have been a benefit so we just stayed away. For her day sleep today I fed her, settled her put her in her bed said I love you its sleep time now and left the room, she cried on and off for 25 mins then fell sound asleep.
I already feel it is working well for us and I already feel better. I worried that she would become clingy but she has been fine and I dont know if the two are related or not but she has even eaten better today.
I used to feed DD to sleep and when I stopped we put in place a night time routine of bath, pjs, books, cuddles and bed. To start with DH would put her to bed and stay with her for a few minutes then leave. If she cried we would go back in and pat/rock. We usually only went in about 5 times or less and within a week she was usually going to sleep by herself.
The other problem we had was night waking. We used to try to settle her and if nothing worked I would feed her. When she was about 12 months (I think) I decided I wouldn't feed her during the night anymore. It then became harder to settle her and we found that it was usually better just to leave her to cry for a little while. If the crying continues or sounds really urgent we go to her, but most of the time she soon goes back to sleep.
We just put DD in her cot for sleeps and leave her to go to sleep by herself. It can take up to an hour, but she is rarely upset, she just talks and jumps around until she goes to sleep.
I have Save our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. I think it is quite good and I have used it to help me figure out when she does or doesn't need me and also timings of sleeps, meals etc.
I'm glad I read this thread, It is nice to know there are people with similar ideas to me. I know this is a 'gently parenting' website and what I do doesn't quite fit with that. But it suits my DD's temperament and results in a happy family overall.
I just wanted to post my encouragement as well. We have done modified cc and like everyone else here has said, its not fun, but we noticed a HUGE difference to DS when we did it. Once we got through the first few hard nights, he slept so much better and was happier and seemed to also develop more quickly. We were astonished at the change in his attitude, and ours- everyone was so, so, so much happier for sleeping better.
Bear in mind that there are many ways to do CC, and you will work out what is right for you. No-one likes to hear their baby cry, its heartbreaking. I always had a cut off point with cc, where I really felt DS was getting himself into a state, I would go in and pick him up and rock to calm him down. I figured that if he got to that point and then eventually went to sleep, he wasn't learning to settle himself- he was just falling asleep out of pure exhaustion, which wasn't doing much for anyone.
good luck with trying it, we did it and i definitely feel it improved our situation... when my dd was little she only slept in my arms day AND night, it was a disaster....
the one thing i can say is make sure you give it a good shot, yes it is going to be hard, but give it a few days, think of how the current situation isn't working and let it motivate you to give this method a real shot... it is very easy to pack it in cos the crying is upsetting, but at the end of the day if bubs is fed, clean, warm, comfy etc, and is just plain tired, a bit of crying while they learn to go to sleep is definitely not the end of the world, and if after a week or so you come out of it all getting better sleep, then imagine how much better you are going to feel...
good luck, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise, they are not in your situation, and a little bit of crying while your baby is warm and safe in his/her own bed in her own environment with mum and dad comforting every so often is no cause of anything nasty later down the track.... sleepless nights, exhaustion, a baby not sleeping/thriving/eating well and stressed to the max parents is of far more concern...
We ended up doing something similar with DS at 10 months because I was at absolute rock bottom after months of trying everything to get him to sleep better.
We went to sleep school and we did what they call 'responsive settling' - which basically is listening to your baby and responding and settling the baby in accordance to their level of distress. ie if bub is happy, leave them. If bub is upset and crying go in and settle. There were no 'rules' about time intervals, how many times we could go in, we could pick him up, make eye contact, talk to him and cuddle him etc but there was definitely crying involved.
BEST thing we ever did. He started sleeping through the night for the first time EVER, started eating properly after months of trying to get him established on solids (which was important for us as I was returning to work and b'feeding) and his development took off in leaps and bounds in the following months. It wasn't easy to do and I felt guilty for a while but seeing the dark circles under his eyes disappear and removing the stress and exhaustion that was affecting our whole family was so worth it.
I guess some people don't understand what sleep deprivation can do to a family and that sometimes you can try every other method and nothing works. We tried co-sleeping, patting, rocking, singing, playing music, feeding to sleep, everything we could think of and it just. didn't. work.
Good luck!
Last edited by Willow; October 29th, 2009 at 07:22 AM.
Another success story here. Very much the same as all the posts above. We also did responsive settling, so only go in if baby is distressed. For us, it actually took a few weeks, not days, and, whinging could be up to 3 hours in the middle of the night. HOWEVER, after months and months of broken sleep, we now have a baby that sleeps all night unless sick. We have also noticed great developmental improvements since the better sleep (growth, attitude, physical milestones) as we now have a happy child instead of a grumpy tired one (and mum too ).
Best thing we ever did, for our whole family, including baby.
I used feed to sleep, co-sleeping and demand feeding and comforting successfully for the first 6 months with DD and it was wonderful. She slept "like a baby" Then slowly she began to change and become increasingly unsettled no matter what I did. After 4 months, I was beside myself with the difficulties getting DD to sleep and keeping her that way with half hourly wakes at the worst time. I was really loosing it and as PP's have said, I don't think that is helpful for anyone, baby and mum alike.
We did a modified CC also based on responding to the types of cries. I did try to do a version myself but it didn't work and it was only when I went to sleep school that we turned the corner. It was Soooo successful! I couldn't believe that she would respond so well - just as willow described.
One thing that really helped me was to have a treat or task during the night wakings. If DD woke at night, i usually dreaded it, dragged myself out of bed and tried to scramble back to grab what ever sleep I could between settles. It meant that I really resented hearing her rewake or begin crying again and it really dragged the night out. Once I decided to try the resettling routine, I would get out of bed when she woke, go in and resettle her, put the kettle on or turn on the computer and make myself a cup of tea. I would continue to settle her as needed and in the meantime busy myself with tea, tv or the internet. It really helped me to have a distraction so I wasn't insanely listening to DD only willing her to go to sleep. (I would of course keep an ear on her, but it really helped to be up and doing something).
My DD responded really well and after 3 days was barely waking up again. Best thing was that if she ever had a bad night again, due to teething or something, it was really easy to get her back to sleeping through as she knew the settling routine and responded well to it again.
We did CC with both boys... we did the listen to the style of cry not the leave them for a certain amount of time. As soon as they went from a sook to anything more we were in there.
It took only about a week to get Brendan to self settle. Now he puts himself to bed...
I have to say one thing though, so many people think CC is about letting your child scream themselves to sleep but it isnt about that at all! Maybe thats some peoples idea, but I personally hate the thought of either of the boys screaming their guts up literally... I like to think of my method as "Gentle CC"
Sally, I agree. There is no way I would leave my child to cry in distress for any period of time. I think people just don't get that there can be a happy medium between 'crying it out' and 'gentle' methods like feeding to sleep etc.
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. Good luck!
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